Apart By More Than Words
by breathbookslove
Summary: Serena reaching back out to Nate after getting his letter in the mail. Being freshly divorced from Dan she decides to come back to town. What and who will she encounter. After not seeing her family and friends for years. Years have passed people and circumstances have changed. The upper east side once frozen in time is now in her view once again. Let me know in the reviews
1. Chapter 1

**Apart by More than Words**

 **Prologue**

Dear Nate. It is so familiar yet foreign to be writing to you. The last time we saw each other was at My and Dan's wedding. I wanted to respond to your letter. I appreciate you and all the things you said in it. Seems like all that travel and the stability of your job and life has done you well.

I am in a place of transition and trying to figure out where my next move should be. The divorce has weighed on my heart and mind and now that things are officially over with Dan and I. I'm attempting to start over.

What has always brought me back down to earth and a feeling of normalcy is being home in the city. By the time you get this I will have officially moved back.

It's going to be nice and exciting to see what everyone has been up to. Having lost touch with most of our friends and family after Dan and I had moved away.

I'm hopeful the two of us could meet up as well. Jenny has told me you're going to coming home for a while to spend some time with your family. Wishing you a continued happy life. Serena.


	2. Chapter 2

**Apart By More Than Words**

 **Chapter 1**

I remember seeing him sitting there. I was in between being ecstatic for Serena. And trying not to blush from the remark Chuck had whispered in my ear. It was the look I said seen when he had heard about their engagement. Plastering an almost believable smile on his face. But inside he was hurt.

And then came the moment when the priest as if there was anyone who felt as if the two of them shouldn't be married. And I saw him look away. At his watch. Then adjusting his tie. The ceremony continuing flawlessly. The rings were exchanged and it was done they were married.

The blissful couple walked down the aisle as the rest of followed in pairs. Jenny happily enjoying every minute with Nate as her date. Poor girl she had such strong feelings for him. But he never really saw her in a love kind of way.

Sometime into the reception. I had saw Jenny laughing and talking with some girls. Noticing Nate had disappeared. Finding out later he had taken off. Making up a story that everyone ate up just fine.

But me I knew the truth. Watching the person, you love, waited for, always put first and defended, marry someone else was like having your heart ripped out slowly without medication. Only days later for Dan and Serena to move out of town. None of us hearing from them.

Until today this morning. To be exact. She's sitting here smiling at me as if she's just been on vacation and Is dying to show me pictures and videos. Taking a breath, I smile back. And ask her the question that I didn't get to ask her then and needed to know. Her face changing expression as I start to speak.

 **Author's note what is Blair asking Serena? Why do you think Serena didn't keep in touch with anyone when she left? What do you think Blair's life is life now? Let me know in the reviews.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Apart By More than Words**

 **Chapter 2**

 _So, nice to see your face again_

 _How long has it been?_

"Are you Happy Serena.?" I ask her my voice firm and honest. As she looks at me. Her demeaner becoming rigid and closed off.

"Look Blair I didn't come all the way here to bring up the past." "We've both grew and changed." "If you were trying to get some kind of reaction out of me." "You're not going to get it." Serena said crossing her arms.

"Why can't you just answer me.?" Blair said stepping back as she stared Serena down trying to find familiarity in the friend practically sister she used to know.

"Since you haven't bothered to ask me." "I'm extremely happy in my life." "My fashion emperor is flourishing." "Chuck is one of the top business men in his company." "Henry is funny, kind, and such a character." "And as of recently we are expecting our daughter Audrey Marilyn Bass." "In a matter of months." Blair said putting her hand on her stomach. Glowing with impending motherhood.

"That's wonderful it looks like you really have it all." Serena said as she got up and started heading for the door. As she turned her head and looked at Blair and said. "Hopefully she doesn't get that longing bitchiness and sympathy card your always ready to dish out whenever something doesn't go your way." "Maybe Henry will have an eye for unavailable women just like his dad." Serena said as she smirked. As she started walking towards the door.

Blair walking in front of her. Blocking her with her arm. As she started to speak. "Since you've walked in here. Unannounced I've attempted to be kind and decent but you what I'm done! Blair said. "I believed that you and Nate belonged together." "Obviously, I didn't see who you really are." "Thankfully he's moved on." "Nate and Jenny are very happy together." "I cannot wait to them rub in it your face." "You never deserved him." "Goodbye Ms. Woodsen." Blair said as she watched Serena leave her home.

Needing to clear her mind. Serena texted her brother telling him that she would be late. As she drove slowly taking in the forgotten sights of her city. Parking then getting out as she started walking around central park. A place that had a variety of memories for her. As she felt a hand on her shoulder turning her around.

Causing her to lose track of thought as he gently pulled her into his arms. As the pulled apart a smile found a way to her lips. Taking a breath. As she spoke.

"Nate." She said softly.

"Serena." He said his eyes shining.


	4. Chapter 4

**Apart By More than Words**

 **Chapter 4**

 _You want a hole in my head._

 _You want a space in my bed._

Seeing Nate's face after all this time. Is bringing me back to a carefree and simpler time. Serena thought to herself as she looked at him. As he started to speak.

"I got your letter." He said smiling his eyes full of that warmth and sense of home she missed.

"Glad to hear it." "How is the family?" "And Jenny?" She asked through gritted teeth.

"Everyone is good." "Jenny and I are a couple have been for about a year now." Nate said happily as he looked away. "Sorry to be going on about my relationship." "When you're going through a rough time." Nate said putting his hand on her arm.

"Nate it's fine." "The divorce has been final for some time now."

"The both of us have moved on." Serena said looking to him. "It's really good to hear about the two of you." Serena said as she looked into his eyes.

"You're a really good guy Nate Archibald." She said to him. Unable to look away.

"Still the most alive, beautiful, person." "I've ever known." Nate said back to her. "If you ever want reflect alone, together, I'm here." He said smiling softly as he kissed her cheek.

Not realizing she had started blushing until she checked her face in her make up mirror.

"I've got to go meet Jenny." "Welcome back S!" Nate said to her smiling as he took off.

Stop thinking about him. His smile, Those eyes, That warm caring protective nature. You aren't allowed to go there with him. He wanted me for so long. And I broke his heart over and over. Maybe his happy ending is supposed to be with Jenny?

Serena thought to her herself as she looked at her phone and checked the time. She had to leave now if she was going to meet her brother for brunch. Serena got into her car and followed the address.


	5. Chapter 5

**Apart By More than Words**

 **Chapter 5**

 _I hate to turn up out of the blue un-invited but I couldn't stay away_

 _I couldn't fight it. I'd hope you see me face._

 _And that you'd be reminded that for me it isn't over._

Walking through the doors I take a breath. As I scan the crowd. And Jenny comes into my arms. Hugging me tight with excitement. And happiness. As we pulled apart and she took my hand. Looking into my eyes and smiling. While I spoke.

"Sorry Jen." I say apologetically as I can. "I ran into someone and couldn't not have said hi." I said to her. Trying not to let a mental image of her face come back into focus. Otherwise I might say her name and I didn't want to make Jenny upset. She had grown to not like Serena for her own reasons but since she found out about the divorce. She's convinced Serena planned it all to hurt her brother and she's more than full of hate for her at this point. Nate thought to himself.

As he kissed her softly. Her hand going to his face. As she started to speak.

"It's really good to have you home." Jenny said to him. "My dad wants to talk to you." "He's protective way more than Dan." "He just wants to be sure you're not going to hurt me." "He knows how invested I've become in us." "And I've told him he has nothing to worry about." "You are the best." "I'm very lucky." Jenny said smiling as she kissed him.

"That's fine I'll have no problem reassuring him." "Your special to me Jenny." Nate said as kissed her back. "Let's get over there our reservation going to be ready soon." Nate said as he took her hand.

"Forget it." "We can always go out later." "I want to welcome you home properly without an audience." She said smiling as she leads him by hand out to the car.


	6. Chapter 6

**Apart by More than Words**

 **Chapter 6**

 _Don't you say your goodbyes_

 _You know it's better that way._

Jenny got a call from Dan that she said couldn't wait and ended up taking off. Early this morning. So, I decided to get some breakfast and call Serena and see if she wanted to join me.

To my surprise she said yes and in about 10 or 15 mins there she was. Her smile bright and eyes full of life. I remember thinking she never realized what she brought to the people's lives she was a part of.

And she gave herself to the people she loved and considered a friend. But somewhere over the years she got caught up in her marriage and trying to have what you would consider a happy life.

Obviously, none of it ending the way she pictured it. Nate thought to himself. As he started to walk next to Serena while they picked out where they wanted to go eat.

Deciding on this old bakery run by this sweet and inviting old couple. We walked through the door. I held the door open for her she smiled at me as I walked in after her. Going to a pair of chairs by a window. We walk over to the counter pick out what we want then go sit down at our table and wait.

As Serena starts to talk. "I've missed New York the rush, taxis, People." she said looking my way.

Smiling at you. I respond. "It's nice to know I was somewhere on your mind." "Even though we were so far apart. Living such different lives." I said to her.

"You are the person I know that I can tell anything to. Good and bad." "Ever since we met back up at the park." "It's been impossible for me to not want you in my life in some real way again."

"And I know that's unfair and wrong of me." "I'm probably crossing so many lines right now." "But Nate I love you." "And I want." Serena says wiping her eyes. As Nate's phone rings and takes him out of the moment.

Sighing he puts his hand on hers. And says he's sorry as he takes the call and listens to the voice on the other end.

"Nate." "It's me Jenny." "I need you." "It's Dan." "He's in the hospital." "Come now please." She says her voice breaking. A text popping up next on his phone with directions to where she was.

"Serena I." He starts to say unsure of what to do next. As his torn heart begins to ache.

 **Author's Note: What should Nate do go to comfort Jenny or finish his conversation with Serena? Could Nate's accident Bring Jenny and Nate closer or far apart? Let me know in the reviews your thoughts on the chapter.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Apart By More than Words**

 **Chapter 7**

"Serena what are you trying to tell me.?" I ask her. As I try to not focus on my phone.

Serena takes my hand and looks into my eyes as she speaks slowly.

"I want to know if there is any part of you that could see us together in the future." "I know that I've lost the right to know and ask these things but Nate I can't sit here and spend time with you without you knowing the truth."

"I have run away and denied myself my true feelings for you for so long." "Because I was terrified of you and how much and how deeply you love me.

And the fear that eventually you would see that I wasn't capable of loving you in that same capacity. And at a certain point that was true."

"But it's not now and wasn't on my wedding day when I stood there my eyes may not have been focused on yours.

But the words I said were from my heart and meant for you." Serena said wiping her eyes. "I'm in love with you Dan."

"I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if I let you go on the rest of your life without you knowing that." Serena said as she took a breath. And looked away.

Unable to stop his pounding heart. He took his hand and touched her face. They're eyes focused on the other. As he spoke directly to her.

"I love you too Serena."

"It has always been you." "The woman's whose heart I have tried endlessly to capture in my hands and nurture and love."

"But who always slipped from my grasp." "I will end things with Jenny." "Then after some time we can see where this goes." Nate said his face beaming. As he leaned over and went in to kiss her.

As the news report took over the TV screen.

Writer Dan Humphrey has died in the hospital surrounded by his sister and father. We will give you more details as they come in.

"Serena I have to go be with Jenny." I said as I started to get up.

"I completely understand." Serena says in shock.

As he hugs her to him. "I'm sorry for you too. I know you loved him." I said to her.

Wiping her eyes. Putting her hand to her heart. "I did." Serena said quietly.

Taking off into my car and following the directions to the hospital that Jenny had texted me. This feeling of guilt took over me.

Jenny needed me and instead of being there for her I stayed with Serena.

I can't keep balancing them so close like this. I need to end things with Jenny.

And I will be not now it would be too much on top of everything else. Nate thought to himself.

As he reached the hospital got inside and went straight for Jenny as she practically collapsed in my arms.

"I'm so sorry." I said trying to comfort her.

"I can't believe he's gone." Jenny said trying to wipe her eyes.

"What can I do.?" I ask desperate to make up for my time away from her.

"Just stay with me." Jenny said grasping his hand in hers.

"Of course I will." I said.


	8. Chapter 8

**Apart by More than Words**

 **Chapter 8**

 _The problem with fairy tales is that they set a girl up for disappointment. In real life the prince goes off with the wrong princess._

One year later

The funeral for Dan was sad and showed how much he was loved. It was revealed than the cause of death wouldn't be made public.

The family decided to keep it amongst themselves and I understood that. Throughout this painful time, I was reminded of why and how I fell in love with Dan.

But out respect I didn't attend and read about it in the article that eventually came out. Detailed with quotes and pictures of the family ending with a childhood photo of Dan and Jenny hugging each other smiling at the camera.

With this wave of unexpected death and want to put together the broken parts of my new life. I reached out to Blair.

At first it was uncomfortable and awkward considering how I left things but I apologized and gave her space.

Slowly we started getting to know each other again and pieced together a new relationship.

Promising to not hold anything back and move forward in complete honesty.

I was finally able to answer her question. I was happy.

And appreciative of my life.

The only unknown area was Dan and I. Serena thought to herself.

As her brother filled her in on his life as they sat down for dinner in his flat.

Jenny and I have become even closer. Family vacations and dinners with her family. It's like I'm learning more and more about her and realizing maybe I was so focused on what Serena and I could have I didn't take the time to appreciate what Jenny and I were attempting to build. Serena's reached out with calls and texts and letters. I just don't know exactly what to tell her. I mean at this point what else is there to really say. Nathan thought to himself. Sighing as he threw out another letter addressed to Serena that she would never read. A knock at the door caused Nate to jump out of his seat. As he walked to the door. Opening it slowly to Jenny's smiling face.

Throwing her head back in laughter as she watched her brother recount his latest story.

As he cooked in the kitchen. While the entertainment news played in background.

Listen up viewers get up and close and quiet down anyone in the room with you. We have official news that Nate Archibald and Jenny Humphrey the quiet and under the radar couple have found happiness after Dan's untimely passing. The beautiful couple is engaged! the news reporter said her smile and eyes bright with good cheer.

Claps fill the audience. Serena drops her cup the glass shattering as she stands up her legs shaking as she opens the balcony door and lets the cool air hit her face.

"Serena are you okay.?" Her brother asks worriedly as he goes out and reaches his hand out to her touching her shoulder carefully.

Tears welling up in her eyes. As she takes a breath. And starts to speak.

"I just needed a minute you go back in I'll be fine." Serena said smiling. Trying to make the look on her face as unaffected as possible.

Looking back at his sister once more. He walked back inside. Closing the door behind him.

Once she knew she was alone. She let the tears fall. Down her face silently. Quickly wiping them away. She stood back up walked back inside. Unscrewing the champagne.

Drinking until she couldn't feel the glass hit her lips.

Falling asleep on her brother's couch. As the morning sun casted it's glow over the city.


	9. Chapter 9

**Apart By More than Words**

 **Chapter 9**

Feelings never do make sense. They get you all confused. Then they drive you around for hours before they drop you right back where you started."

Weeks later

I had decided that instead of reaching out to Nate again. Just to get rejected I would reach out to Jenny. After all there was a time we were close she was like a sister to me. Even though it all feels like spending back in time just thinking about it. Serena thought to herself.

As she held the box of candy she remembered Dan used to always send to Jenny with a note. She always admired they're bond and fierce protectiveness of each other.

Taking a breath while she used to free hand to ring the bell. The sound of it sparking memories in her she was in no mood to revisit at the moment. Hearing footsteps she braced herself as the door opened slowly as if she was an expected guest.

Face to face I looked across the door at Jenny as she walked outside closing the door behind her as she stared at me. As if she was caught between talking to me and yelling some curse and slamming her ring in my face ready gloat. But instead even taking me by surprise she invited me in.

A mixture of shock and surprise came across from the look on my face as I followed her. She slowly closed the door behind me. And started walking into the living room where she sat down and waved her hand inviting me over to be where she was.

Taking in the house and the living room as I walked over. I could feel a sense of home and warmth between the splashes of colors and variety of pillows on the chairs and photos displayed on the walls in front of me.

The picture from the article hanging right next to a picture of the four of them from years ago. The sight bringing tears to my eyes that I wouldn't let fall. As I turned to face her noticing she started to speak.

"If you're looking for Nate." "He's not here." "We don't live together." She said calmly. As if she expected a round of questioning from me. Instead I just handed her the box with the Dylan's candy bar logo on it.

Taking it from me. She opened it carefully and looked inside then back up at me.

"You remembered." She said softly. Putting the box on the coffee table. Staring at it for a few minutes before she turned back to me.

"Just so you know I never hated you as a person I always felt like he loved you and you made him so happy for that I will always be grateful to you for. But at times for me at least it seemed like you weren't present in certain things and moments you shared with him. He never brought that to my attention.

Always wanting our family to bring you in and accept you. In the end, you stepped away so we could handle our hurt and honor his memory. Jenny said wiping her eyes. He gave me something for you as well.

Jenny said getting off the couch and going to the side and she reappeared with a box in her hand. Giving it to me carefully. My hands ached with curiosity as to what this could be and my heart clinched knowing he planned to surprise me with this never getting the chance to see it materialize.

Thanking her. I started to get up and leave as she followed me to the door. Opening it for me then closing it as I walked down the steps. Looking out the window as she watched her leave she went to the bookcase and took out his book and started to read.

Quickly driving home. Slamming her car door shut behind her. She opened the front door to her home dropping her keys to the side and walked over to the center of the room placing the box in front of her as she sat down next to it. Running her hands over his name. The carefully tearing open the box.

Inside there was a letter addressed to her. Opening the letter with caution she unfolded it and started to read.

 _Dear Serena. These past years have awoken me to slow down and take in every single minute. With the people, I care about and love. I know we've gone through our own personal battles and at times it feels like it will swallow us whole. But you have taught me so much and I hope as the years go by we can continue to grow as husband and wife and as a family. Enjoy these pictures I placed inside along with mementos. To the start of our new journey. Love Dan._

Wiping her eyes as she folded back up the letter and placed it in her pocket. While she started to go through the box piece by piece.

Taking a close look at each item time going by before she knew it. It was night and stopping for a minute to turn on a light. Then went straight back in gently pulling out the last item.

The sight of it made her visibly begin to shake. Trying to slow down her breathing. Reading the words on the front in bold colorful print.

 _Baby makes three_

Putting her hand to her chest. Swearing her heart was breaking into pieces. She shook her head. Over and over. "I'm sorry." She said quietly her voice full of suppressed anguish. Bringing the tiny onesie to her chest. She held it close. Wiping her red running eyes. As she heard her phone ring. Too tired to check the ID she answered it.

"Hello?" Serena said her voice dry from crying.

"Hey." "Serena." "It's me Nate." The voice said back.

…


	10. Chapter 10

**Apart By More Than Words**

 **Chapter 10**

 _Flashback_

 _We held hands. I was so nervous and anxious. Pacing back and forth my slippers hitting the carpet in bathroom. The breakfast in the kitchen ready to be plated. I had a feeling that wouldn't leave me. These dreams that felt so real when I woke up I couldn't tell what was reality. So, I bought a test for my piece of mind and Dan's too. He had talked about using the spare room we had that needed to be used for more than random out of placed objects. We had been married for a couple years now and I wanted a family. With my amazing husband. Weeks later here we were. I couldn't stand it any longer and asked him to look._

" _We're going to be needing to pick a color for the room." "Pick or Blue ?" Dan said excitedly._

" _Either one." I said jumping into his arms. "I love you." I said. As I hugged him tightly. He pulled me to him kissing me as I felt my heart overflow with hope and extreme happiness. "We were going to be parents." Life would change in every possible way in a matter of months and I couldn't help but feel this need to do everything right. This baby would be given the world and I couldn't believe it was real._

Placing the items carefully back into the box Serena held closely to the onesie in her hand.

Fearful she would lose it. Curious as to where Dan found it.

The baby stuff was gathered and given away after a certain point she just couldn't stand to look at it anymore.

Bringing it closer to her nose as she breathed in. Tears springing to her eyes as she noticed the smell lingered heavily as if she had just put it away.

Putting the box to the side she started to walk back up the stairs one step at a time. Once in her bedroom.

She laid down not bothering to change her clothes.

Or turn on the light. Her body and mind physically exhausted.

Laying there silently on her bed. She hugged the onesie close to her and started to close her eyes.

In the morning

Not in any shape to speak or see anyone.

She got some cereal and ate in her kitchen flipping through mindless commercials and morning talk shows.

As her she stuck to one her eyes glued to the screen.

"So Jenny how has the engagement been you two have been so secretive.?" The interviewer ask.

"It's really been eye opening for us both and I can say that the wedding will be one to remember." Jenny said. Smiling at her.

"This look on your face tells me there is more to the story here." "Come on Jenny don't leave us with our minds racing." The interviewer egged on.

"Fine I'll tell you one thing." Jenny said smiling at her. As she turned to the camera.

"Our wedding is not the only life changing event in our life that we're celebrating." Jenny said beaming as she gushed.

"That is all your getting out of me." Jenny said as she waved to the audience and the cut to commercial.

Hearing a knock at the door. She turned off the TV and walked over.

Slowly opening it as a smile crept to her face.

"Hey Sis!" The voice said happily to her.

"The one and only Chuck Bass." Serena said hugging him. As he walked inside.

"I would ask what brought you here."

"But I have a suspicion this meeting has to do with Blair." Serena said as they sat down next to each other.

"She may have given me the address but I'm here on official family business." Chuck said to her.

Pictures of Henry and Audrey the most recent ones." Chuck said happily.

Beaming with parental pride. Taking them from his hands and putting them on the table in front of us.

As he puts his hand on mine and looks at me.

"How are you doing Serena.?" He asks his guard lowering.

"I'm alright." "Could I get you something.?" "I'm such a bad hostess." Serena said getting up hopeful the subject would change.

"You don't have to act like it's okay when it obviously isn't."

"We are family if we can't work up into an emotional frenzy with each other who else can we do it with." Chuck said looking at her.

"This can't be easy for you the engagement, the wedding coming up soon." Chuck said putting his hand on her shoulder.

"Then there's the news about Dan." Chuck said shaking his head.

"What news about Dan.?" Serena said putting an icepack to her head.

"Someone leaked his cause of death and it's everywhere."

"People are really putting their personal thoughts and judgements out there."

"This Is the last thing anyone in that family needed."

"Or the rest of us who cared for him especially you." Chuck said to her.

While Serena quickly got online to see what she could find. The first head line popping up.

 **Ran out of words or money or unable to let go of a lost love.**

 **Dan Humphrey was found dead in his office.**

 **Pills spilled out on the floor. His body lifeless.**

 **On his desk, he appeared to be writing a letter to ex-wife Serena.**

 **The corner ruling it a Suicide.**

 **More details on the family reactions to the news leak inside.**

…...


	11. Chapter 11

**Apart By More Than Words**

 **Chapter 11**

 _They say the universe has a great sense of humor. That sometimes having your dreams come true can feel like a nightmare. Because getting what you want always come with strings attached_

 _Flashback_

" _Hello?" Serena said._

" _Hey Serena. It's me Nate."_

" _I just wanted to call and apologize to you for not reaching back out." "After reading your texts and hearing your voicemails and rereading your letters." "I didn't know how to respond and make it sound believable and without hurting you anyone than I already had with my complete disconnect and then everything with Jenny. Nate said as he took a breath. Then continued. "I love you." "But I think maybe you were right and true love is just a myth." He said as his voice broke._

 _Serena wiped her eyes. "No Nate I was wrong." "I love you too." "I know it's real and that is only because of you." Serena said as she heard the dial tone ring in her ear. Nate had hung up and hadn't heard anything she had said._

 _The phone falling to her lap as she threw her phone against the wall watching it shatter in front of her._

Present time

The church bells ring loudly. As guests walk in one by one. Taking their seats and then taking notice of the decoration and the beautiful wedding chapel that was laid out in front of them. As they waited for the wedding to begin.

Jenny

You are this close to getting the guy who choose you. And you are going to be so happy together. She had her chance now it's finally my turn. Jenny thought to herself as she took one last look at herself in the mirror.

Nate

Looking at this old photo. Brought this smile to his face and an ache in his chest. His past decisions good and bad have brought him to this day and all he knew how to do was give until there was nothing left especially when it came to love. This day being no different. As he walked out the door with his heart in his hands.

Serena

Her memories were flooding her mind with every waking moment. Standing here. Letting the sun hit her face. She looked up at the cloudless sky and then down back to earth. Resting her hand gently on the tombstone. Repeating his name in her mind as she went down the line. Laying the flowers down she had bought. "Happy early birthday Dan." She said with tears burning her eyes. As she started to speak.

"Jenny gave me the gift you left." "I needed to come here and tell you how much I regret all the stupid choices I made and the regrets I still think about to this day." "Marrying you was one of the best decisions I made." "I'm sorry for how things ended." "I blamed you for me being too afraid to live and to eaten up with guilt to move on." "You tried to fill the space in my heart but it never worked it only made me push you farther away." "I hope you were able to feel all the love that was shared at your funeral and that you are completely free and at peace. Catching up and holding on tight to our little girl." "Thank you for showing me I deserved to be loved." "I love you and I miss you." Serena said wiping her eyes.

Taking a breath as she walked away and got back into her car. Driving with the windows up. As a song filled the car. Once she got to the parking lot she parked her car and walked up the steps.

Carefully opening the door. As she sat down. Looking up. The music started to play as the bride started walking down the aisle. Her heart leaping out of her chest as her and Nate's eyes locked.

….


	12. Chapter 12

**Apart By More Than Words**

 **Chapter 12**

 _I was thinking_

 _About you_

 _I was thinking about me_

 _I realized it was only just a dream._

Looking away as I took a breath. Watching Jenny smile as she let go of her Dad's arm. And stood across from Nate. As they held hands. Staring into each other's eyes. Looking down slowly as I felt a hand take mine. Looking up to see it was Chuck. Laying my head on his shoulder. While time went faster than I could keep up with. Before I realized it. The wedding was almost over.

" _If there is anyone who has just cause as to why these two should not be wed."_

" _Speak now or forever hold your peace?"_ the priest said looking to Nate and Jenny as eyes went roaming the crowd.

Silence. My voice is barely heard. As the laughter and talking fill the air.

Rings are placed.

Not being sure my heart could take any more of this. I quietly got up and started to leave the church. Running down steps. As I wiped my already fallen tears.

Wondering how far I can get before someone notices I'm gone. This was a mistake. Coming here acting like I had a part in his story anymore. Serena thought to herself as she reached the last staircase. Headed for the door. Then felt a hand on her shoulder. That whipped her around.

As the Serena and the other person were face to face.

"Jenny!" Serena said surprised.

Taken completely aback as she felt a hard smack hit her face. Wondering if she left a mark. Serena carefully rubbed her face.

While Jenny started to talk.

"What the hell are you here!" Jenny yelled. "This is my wedding day!" She said angrily. "I was so right about you selfish, arrogant, spoiled, bitch! You take from anyone who cares about you." "God why didn't Dan just listen to me and get away from you.!" She said wiping her eyes. "By the time you were done with him he was already emotionally and mentally gone." "I just wished it had been you." "My brother deserved so much more." "That was why I leaked the information about his death." "I wanted everyone to see what a poison you really are." Jenny said to her.

"Your despicable." "He loved you so much. For you to betray him like that makes me sick." Serena said.

"Just shut up with your damn pity." "My poor troubled ex-husband." "And you know being a parent was never a part of your life goals." Jenny taunted.

"Shut up!" "You know nothing!" Serena said warning her.

As footsteps were heard both turning around as the person.

Faced them both. "Nate!" They said unison.

…

 **Author's Note: Jenni's confession? Who will Nate choose? What should Serena do? Let me know in the reviews.**


	13. Chapter 13

**Apart By More Than Words**

 **Chapter 13**

 _I love you. I'm in love with you. I've tried to kill it, to run away from it, but I can't... I don't want to anymore._

Putting a smile on her face as she reached for Nate's hand.

"Don't mind her Nate. I only came out here because I heard footsteps."

"I guess Serena has more important things to do then watch us get married." Jenny said rolling her eyes at her. As she turned her attention to Nate.

"Nate I'm sorry." "Me coming here and walking out like that."

"It was more emotional for me than I expected that's all."

"I will take off and let you get back to the start of your happily ever after." Serena said as she started to continue down the steps.

"About time." "Now we can get back to us." Jenny said to Nate.

As she started to take his hand.

He looked back at the door. His heart feeling an emptiness he couldn't really understand.

He took her hand as they walked together back into the church.

Weeks Later

"You will not keep ignoring these messages Serena!" "Between Me, Chuck, and Dorota, you are coming out of that house. It's been weeks S." "I love you." "Now call back." Blair said in her voicemail.

As Serena pulled the covers over her head. Her heart hurt, her mind was confused. And she wondered if maybe this was her payback for never choosing him. He had chosen someone else and he was happy. She needed to accept it.

Serena thought to herself as she pulled on her robe. Tied her hair in ponytail and walked out her door to get the mail as letter from Nate addressed to her. Made her heart go to her throat.

Rushing back into her house. Serena went into her bedroom. Sat on her bed. And opened the letter. Taking a breath, she opened the letter. And started to read.

 _Dear Serena._

… _._


	14. Chapter 14

**Apart By More Than Words**

 **Chapter 14**

 _Things between us never really ended_

 _It just stopped._

 _Dear Serena. I couldn't get that look I saw on your face and sadness in your eyes off my mind. Before Jenny and I went back to the chapel I confronted her about it what had happened between the two of you telling her I needed the truth that I had chosen her but I cared for you. And that if she loved me in any real way she would lay it out for me to decide what happened next and then she told me everything. Her confession to the media. What she said to you before I found you two in the stairway. Her want to have me for herself. When it was over I looked at her trying to understand how blind and naïve I had been the person I thought I knew had just used me in a revenge plot against the woman she hated and blamed for her brother's death. She took my hand and looked in eyes and told me she was sorry for me just like she had been for Dan. How much more could she do to show me that you never deserved me and that I just move on with her. I let go of her hand and we walked back into the chapel._ _Find your myth Serena_.

 _Nate_

That was it! She thought to herself as she tore the letter up and through it out her window. Watching the pieces of the letter blow in the wind and fly away. Shaking her head. She wasn't going to keep doing this. Sulking and moping and crying. She was Serena van der Woodsen. This life was too long and full of unanswered questions. And places left to be discovered and learned from. As she got out her suitcase and started to pack. Filling it with as much as she could passport in hand. Taking a breath. Looking at the pictures she treasured putting them safely into her purse as she opened her front door got into car and started to drive.

Hours later

she was in the airport calling Blair and Chuck filling them in on her plans. As she lastly called her brother. Telling him everything. As he wished her well. He made her promise to keep in touch this time. She agreed as she wiped her eyes.

Hung up the phone. Putting it away. And then displayed her passport was checked and walked through the gate. Onto the plane. Picked a window seat where she could be alone with her thoughts and looked out the window. While the plane took off.

Nate

Weeks Later

Taking a breath. As he took one last look at himself in his car mirror. Getting out and walking up the steps. Slowly his hands sweaty and his heart pounding quickly with nervousness as he started to knock on the door in front of him. Wondering what was taking so long and why it seemed so dark in there. He looked up when he heard a voice. A head he didn't notice peeked out of the window and looked down at him and said. "That woman with the blond hair and smile that lived here is gone." "This place is up for sale." He said looking at Nate with sympathy as he went back inside.

Disbelief hit him. As he walked back to his car. And went home.

Jenny

Mrs. Jennifer Archibald. Jenny said smiling. As she looked at her hand. Laying on her bed. Closing her eyes.

…

 **Author's Note: Things seem to be going in many directions. Hope you're enjoying the way everything is unfolding. Leave me your thoughts, reactions, Predictions. In the reviews. Until next chapter.:}**


	15. Chapter 15

**Apart by More Than Words**

 **Chapter 15**

 _But if, at the end, you find the person you've become is not the person you want to be, you can always turn around and try again._

4 years later

Taking one last look around her place. As she got her keys and walked out of her front door. Taking a breath as the inviting smell of pastry whipped by her. Also, making her wanting to stop in for an early lunch. But she looked both ways crossed the street and started to walk. Enjoying seeing her neighbors going about their day. Kids running around in the park. Moms pushing baby strollers and trying to have a conversation amongst themselves at the same. time. This day made her feel invigorated. Smiling at the flower vendor she saw. He smiled back. Giving her a small bouquet of orange and white flowers. Then she sniffed and handed him money which he refused. Promising to pay him next time. As she started to walk on the pier. Basking in the California sun.

Recently celebrating her 3 year of sobriety she felt a sense of pride and growth in herself. And the choices she had made in life. Now living in a 1 bedroom 1 bath house. Driving a small but useful car. And when she wasn't driving she rode her bike or walked. Becoming an active member in her community. Talking to teens about the issues she faced growing up using that as a platform for them to open up to her. She felt good about knowing at the end of her day. Telling her story reached at least one of those kids. Today being an off day for her she had breakfast at home with a new recipe she had tried. Learning it from a teacher she had met at her job. Growing up here his whole life. He had really shown her around and made her feel comfortable in this new world.

Keeping her promise to her brother she kept in touch with him and was so happy to know he was doing so well. He had been here along with Chuck and Blair and their children. To celebrate her birthday. Christmas and thanksgiving. Took some adjusting since it barely got cold here in those seasons. Serena had also found a group of women to be a part of that all had their own stories and lives meeting a couple times a week at each other's houses. Food, drinking, desserts, and building a close bond with each other. They had become so important.

Finding a picture of herself from years ago. As she cleaning out her closet. She couldn't remember what was going on in the background. Or and what stuck out to her the most was herself. And that drained, lost look in her eyes. Waving goodbye to the people she had been around as she headed home for the day. Getting into her car and driving carefully cautious of the night that surrounded her. Peering up at the stars through her window. As she eventually made it to her house. Opening the door and locking it behind it. She headed to her bedroom.

Smiling at the cards she had left on her bed. Putting them in the basket by her mirror. Starting to undress and change into her pajamas. Slowly getting into bed. She stared at her old house key finding it at the bottom of her purse. Shaking her head. She threw it out into the garbage it was useless to her now. The past a memory. Long forgotten. Closing her eyes and falling into a deep sleep.

Nate

Since the promotion a few days earlier. He's been even more confident about his place in the company realizing he was meant to doing exactly what he did. Standing up for the people who feel voiceless and unimportant. He lived a decent, honest, life, His compacity for understanding, love, and trust had grown entirely. These past few years. He got to know what could handle and knew now he was stronger than he ever knew. He met up with Chuck and Blair along with the rest of his family as much as possible. And appreciated everything that came with it. Hearing a knock at his office door. He walked over opening it slowly. Wondering what could be so important in these early hours. Seeing the other person's face. Brought a smile to his. Bringing the other person close to him in a hug as he closed the door behind them. Eyes locked as she puts her hand on his and smiles as she looks up at him.

"Nate Archibald." "It's been weeks." "Far too long." "Since we've been in the same room together." She says to him.

"Really good to see you too Raina." Nate says smiling at her.

Jenny

Ms. Humphrey." "Your dad is here to visit you." "Would you like go see him.?" The attendant asked.

"Fine." She said as they walked down the hall.

Once face to face with her father. The attendant stepped away.

"Jenny." Her father said as he carefully wrapped his arms around her.

Missing his daughter but knowing she was where she needed to be.

"Daddy." "When can I go home." "Nate is probably lost without me." "How can you be so in support of this.?" She asked him. "A husband and wife need to be together." She said crossing her arms.

"Honey I've told you." "You and Nate are not husband and wife." "The wedding never happened." "I'm sorry to reopen all this for you." He told her.

"I don't believe you." "I want to talk to mom." Jenny said. Looking away.


	16. Chapter 16

**Apart By More than Words**

 **Chapter 16**

 _"A woman remembers."_

"Look at you." "All that hard work now your exactly where you want to be." Raina said smiling at him. Messing with the collar of his suit. "I honestly don't know how you've held it together so well." "The wedding not happening. Jenny's Dad committing her to that psych ward." "It would have hardened anyone making them completely closed off to even wanting to try again with anyone. But not you." "Your heart is still willing to be given." Raina said looking into his eyes. "I admire that about you Nate."

"I appreciate that." "But your giving me way too much credit." "I moved on." "It's what people do." Nate said putting his hand on hers. "I'm going to be out of town for a few days going home to New York" Nate said taking one last look at his office. "I need some time to recharge and be with the people I love." "If anything urgent happens here." "Let me know my phone will be on." Nate says to her.

"Of course I will." "You enjoy that city of yours then come back and get back to your what matters the most." "This life and everything you have achieved to get to this point." Raina says hugging him goodbye.

"Bye Raina." "I really loved catching up with you." "And you make really good company." Nate said to her. "A great friend." He said hugging her back.

As she walked out first waving to him. Following behind her as he shut off the lights. And they went their separate ways.

Nate walked straight out the door. And got into his car. Driving quickly. Passing signs, he remembered. Seeing as a kid on summer road trips with his parents. He smiled fully. He was back for a while. And knew exactly where his first stop would be.

Pulling into the driveway off the house. Turns off his car and walks up the driveway. Knocks on the door carefully. As it opens. The person on the other side surprised but welcoming.

"Nate." The woman says.

"Hi mom." Nate says warmly as he hugs her and she lets him inside.

"I'm sorry I haven't been over in awhile." "Work has been keeping me really busy." He said to her.

"It's fine darling." "Can I have the maid get you a drink or something to eat.?" She asks him.

"No thank you." "I ate on the plane and I'm driving." "But next time." He said smiling at her.

"So mom has dad tried to contact you at all.?" Nate asked her.

"No." "But if he tried he would get way more than a dial tone ringing in his ear." "Don't you worry about me Nate." "I'm taking care of myself." "Let me know all about you and this job." "She said looking to him.

"I love it." "Every single day." "Even when it's busy and hectic." "It feels like what I'm doing matters." "The money is a bonus." Nate said with pride.

"I'm happy for you baby." "What about love?" "After the Jenny situation." "Bless her heart." "I figured you had stopped the search for good." "Hopefully you'll tell me I'm wrong." She said looking to him.

Smiling at her. As he answered. "Yea I haven't entirely given up the idea of true love. It just seems farther away than I thought it would be." Nate says to her.

"I thought you and Serena would have had a chance by now." She said.

"Serena and I are older now and are different people." "Things have never lined up for us." "Whether it be distance or other people." "I think she's happy where she is and I'm fine where I am." "It might be time to let that lost dream go." Nate says looking to her.

"That would make sense and probably be the best thing." "For you both." "If you weren't in love with her." She said looking to him.

"Mom." "You don't understand." "I love her." "That has never been the problem." Nate said to her.

"You're scared." "The thought of you having a true chance at actual happiness with the woman you love and would do anything for." "Is terrifying to you." "And I understand that." "You don't have listen to me." "But take it from someone who let fear prevent them from finding love." "In the end by not at least trying you lose so much more." "Then you gain." "What's the point if you never give your heart and take that risk.? She asks him. "I hope I got through to you." She said hugging him goodbye. "I love you." She said smiling at him.

"I love you to mom." "Thank you for the talk." "And I will be by here more often." Nate said to her hugging her back as he left the house.

Getting into his car. The wedding renewal of Chuck and Blair. Would be starting soon. He started the car and drove to the location. Parking his car next to others in the parking lot. As he walked out and got inside.

Smiling as saw the photos and touches he was sure their kids had done.

As he took his seat. Outside with the other guests. Spotting Chuck at the end of aisle. As Audrey started walking down the aisle. Throwing flowers from a basket in her hand. Doretha smiling as she watched from Blair's side down the aisle. Everyone stood as the music played and Blair started walking down the aisle with Henry by her side. Smiling with pride. As they walked together. Once reaching Chuck. He let go of his mom's hand and sat next to his sister. Blair and Chuck now facing each other.

"I cannot fathom what my life what would have amounted to if I hadn't seen you dance that night having the time of your life. Without realizing it you captured my heart and my feelings for you couldn't be ignored after that night." "I never looked at a limo the say way again." "More importantly I found my safety net. Home in your arms." "Peace in your presence." Joy in your laughter." "My world didn't matter and feel real to me until we met." "I was never the same." "I love you.."

Chuck said as he looked to Blair wiping her tears. With his hand.

"You got me." "I could fall into and a part in your arms." "And I knew I was safe." "I feel alive." "You make me feel in ways I never knew my heart would allow." "Our story has never been traditional and safe." "Our love speaks through our actions, thoughts, and life together." "I love you." "Chuck Bass." "The person who made me finally feel like I was enough."

Blair said. Looking into his eyes.

The rings exchanged. As the minister pronounced them husband and wife again. Seeing their union with a kiss. While walked down the aisle. More in love than either of them could express.


	17. Chapter 17

**Apart by More Than Words**

 **Chapter 17**

 _"Sometimes you need to step outside, clear your head and remind yourself of who you are. And where you wanna be. And sometimes you have to venture outside your world in order to find yourself._

The reception

"I was so busy crying I didn't leave the chapel until after everyone else was already at the reception." "So typical of me." "I'm going to sneak into the back and blend into the crowd. As I search for an empty seat. While the remarried couple walks in hand and hand. Over spilling with happiness. I've never been able to let myself come close to achieving.

Watching them dance with both of their kids. Then each other. Whispering and unaware they still had an audience. Dancing close Blair's eyes focused on Chuck. As Chuck pulled her closer to him. Linking their hands. The other guests beginning to join them on the floor. Couples younger and older took this time to enjoy this moment for as long as it lasted. While I started to get up feeling sort of out of place with love being displayed so close by.

Starting to walk to the back of the room. Maybe do some people watching. And call my friends back at home and see what they're up to. As I feel a hand on my shoulder. Making turn around almost falling over my feet.

"Nate." I say trying to not notice how weak his smile still makes me. And how even more handsome and put together he's become. The way he's looking at me makes me want to hide my face. He has always had this way of seeing threw any emotional shield I tried to put up.

"Serena." He says smiling wide. He didn't expect to run into her. "Let's sit down and talk." "I mean if you would want to." Nate said looking at her.

"Yea I would like that." "But somewhere quieter." I said looking at him. As I looked forward and walked to the back.

Finding an empty dark room. Flipping on the light. I notice the chairs placed close together but with distance. Hearing his footsteps behind me. I walk inside away from the entrance. And sit in the first chair I see. As he sits in the other chair.

Looking at me then turning away nervously. Taking a breath. I turn my face to him. And smile softly.

"This is weird." I say honestly causing him to laugh. "At least we can both agree on that." I tell him as he shakes his head in agreement.

"We haven't seen in each in years." "I expected it to be a little awkward." He said to me.

"What are you up to these days." I ask curious.

"My work I'm boss of a company that works tirelessly and endlessly to fight for the little people who feel like because of their background and social standing they have no place I the world. We make sure they know if they get involved with us we won't stop until justice is served. It's very rewarding. Nate said to her.

"What about you Serena ?" Nate asks.

"I work at a school talking to teens about my experiences growing up and in turn they share their struggles, hopes and dreams and over time we develop a closeness with each other. And I give them as much help as I can. Every couple of months I meet a new group of teens. It feels good to be giving back and being able to get paid for it is great but even if I wasn't I would still make it a priority. Seeing that look in their eyes. Them knowing someone understands and cares what they're going through and doesn't want to criticize but work with them. Is so humbling." Serena says smiling. As she looked back up at him.

"I completely took over the conversation." Serena said to him.

"It's more than okay." "You have a real passion and love for what you do that is incredible." "I'm so happy you found your place in the world." He says to her.

"Thanks." "I'm happy for you too." "Changing the world one person at a time." Serena said to him.

"Are you seeing anyone.?" "I heard about everything that happened with Jenny and my heart just went out to her." Serena said looking to him.

"It was hard for dad to make that decision." "But she's improved a lot." "They've helped her deal with Dan's death and the longing pain from her mom." "She's actually been out for a couple of months." Nate said.

"Good to hear." "I wish her all the luck in the world." Serena said to him.

"I will pass that along." "And no I'm not with anyone." "What about you.?" Nate asked her.

"Nope my job and life with my friends take up all of my time." Serena said to him.

"Serena about us." "I let things go on for way to long with Jenny." "And I just have to know." "In all of this time apart have you thought about the possibility of the both of us trying again.?" Nate asks her.

"A lot has happened Nate." "We have changed and evolved." "We're not those love-struck teenagers anymore." "We've build lives a part from each other." "In different parts of the world." Serena said looking away.

"In all of that you didn't answer my question." "Do you have any feelings for me.?" "Aside from the history we share.?" He asked her.

"Nate." Serena said locking eyes with him. "I love you." She said with tears in her eyes.

Taking a breath. Before he responded. "I love you too Serena." Nate said looking back at her.

"But is that enough.?" "To have a relationship.?" "Risk all the progress and life we've build for ourselves." "When every single time." "It starts to get real." "One of us runs away or ends up finding someone else." "I just don't want to make another mistake, end up getting hurt or hurting you." Serena said as she started to get up. "It was really nice seeing you Nate." Serena said looking back at him. As her hand went for door.

He took her hand. Brought her close to him so that they were face to face and kissed her. Placing her hand on his face as she kissed him back.

Gently pulling apart. While their eyes locked. Her face flushed. And gaze hazy. As he started to speak.

"That kiss wasn't nothing." "We kissed because we have feelings for each other." "I'm not going to watch you go into someone else's arms. Holding their hand. Touching their face. "Leaving their room."

"I want you and you want me too." "Admit it." He said to her.

Touching his face with her hand. Caressing it gently. "Yes." "I kissed you back." "I want you too." "I don't want to run anymore." "Let's get of here." "We have past of getting walked in on." "And I just want to be able to be alone with you. Behind a door. With a lock." She says pulling him closer to her.

"Say no more." He said taking her hand as they went out to his car. And raced down the empty street. He stopped the car. Locked it behind him. As they walked up the stairs. Got into the house. Never letting go of the other person's hand. Slowly walking upstairs. Through the hallway. Opening the door to his bedroom. As she walked inside he followed her. Locking the door behind them. Now alone their gaze never leaving the other.

"How is this.?" Nate asks her.

"Perfect." Serena said taking his hand leading him over to her.

….


	18. Chapter 18

**Apart By More Than Words**

 **Chapter 18**

 _Every happy ending is just a new beginning. Because on the Upper East Side, the good times never lasts forever."_

"How much longer Nate.?" Serena asked as she waited in the living room. With her eyes closed. Hearing footsteps back and forth behind her. As she felt arms wrap around her.

"Now you can open them." Nate said. As he took her hand and they walked slowly to the bedroom. Opening the door while Serena walked inside. Nate walking in behind her. Closing the door. Locking it behind them.

Serena looked around the room. Tears welling up in her eyes. Candles lite up the dark room. Red roses and white flower pedals. Decorated the floor. Music playing softly in the background. Turning to the side by the window. Champaign chilled in a bucket and strawberries with chocolate laid out waiting to be eaten.

Turning her head back to Nate. "This is beautiful." She said wiping away her tears.

"I wanted to make this night." "As special as I could. If I had any idea this was where the day would of lead I would have done so much more." "I love you so much." "This is a small way of expressing that." Nate said looking into her eyes.

"I Love you too Nate." Serena said as she kissed him.

Holding onto her closely as he kissed her back. Breaking apart as he tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear. Caressing her face softly with his hand. Reconnecting their lips as they gently fell onto the bed in front of them.

Him wanting to express all of his emotion, longing, want, need, and love. In every action from this moment on. Seeing her face as he looked at her. His heart could barely contain itself.

Taking off the layers of clothing that separated them. Until their souls were the last thing to given and taken of each other.

This night cemented into their memories. The love rekindled confirmed the feelings that never truly left either of them. The warmth of the candles. And requited love. Loomed throughout the room. As the night sky shielded them. Making them cling for the other in ways they only shared between the privacy of these for walls.

The morning after

I can't move. I'm exhausted. But so, happy I could scream out the window proclaiming my love to the world. Not caring who heard me. You are an incredible guy. Serena whispered to him. Enjoying the calm of the morning. Looking over at the man she loved. With her entire being. Who she never wanted to be away from again. Wrapping his arm back around her as she closed her eyes. She needed to savor every last second.

Her mouth could barely form the words. Burying her face in his chest. Listening to his heartbeat. Tears silently falling from her eyes.

This is what home felt like. she thought to herself.

Nate starting to wake up. Looked over at her. Smiling as he kissed her softly.

"Good morning." "It's not everything I wake up with the most beautiful girl in my bed." Nate said jokingly.

"Have you seen your face and those eyes and smile." "My clothes melted off my body." "With every new touch from you I had to be as close to you as possible." "And my body craved you." "Your lips, your hands, Everything other beautiful part you." "That fits so perfectly with mine." "I'm still catching my breath." She said smiling as she kissed him.

"Serena." He said breathlessly. As they got into a familiar rhythm.

Hours later

"You sure I can wear your shirt.?" Serena teased as she walked into the living room and carefully got on the counter in the kitchen.

"Of course you can." "I like you wearing my clothes." Nate said kissing her.

"Are you we officially dating now.?" She asked him.

"Yes I don't want anyone else ever." He said looking into her eyes.

"You're my guy." "Nate Archibald." Serena said smiling as she kissed him.

Sitting down at the table as they ate the take out that was ordered.

"I don't ever want you to question my feelings for you." "I'm in love with Nate." "Completely and totally." "And I will be for the rest of my life." Serena says as she wipes her eyes.

"But I have to tell you something." Serena says as she looked away.

"You can tell me anything S." "What is it.?" Nate said to her.

…

 **Author's note: After a perfect night. Reality and truth join them in the morning. What do you think Serena has to tell Nate? Let me know in the reviews.**


	19. Chapter 19

**Apart By More Than Words**

 **Chapter 19**

 _The past is always with us, just waiting to mess with the present_

Debating on where to begin and where to end. This battle between the truth and a lie has kept her from wanting to let anyone in especially on a romantic level.

That has been the case since she found out. She thought she would come to the wedding see some people and go home back to where she knew her secret was safe.

But Nate walked back into her life and she was stand offish or at least she tried to be. He knew her to well. Then last night happened and everything changed.

I fell in love with him all over again. Standing here in front of me looking into my eyes. He's asking for honesty. And I don't want to look him in the eyes. I can't. Serena thought to herself.

"Nate." "When we were in that back room." "At the wedding and you asked me about my feelings for you." "And I told what if our feelings for each other wasn't enough." "And that we had built lives separate from each other." "And that I didn't want to get hurt or hurt you." Serena said looking at him tears brimming her eyes.

"Yes I remember all of that." "Why.?" Nate said sitting next her.

"I wasn't being honest with you." "I should have just left and stayed gone." Serena said wiping her eyes.

"Why would say that or think that.?" "If it wasn't for the wedding we would have never reunited and gotten our chance." He said looking at her holding her hand.

"I never meant to hurt you." "Back then. Now it's only going to be worse." "I need to go." "We had a beautiful night that I will never forget." Serena said as she took his face in her hands. Kissing him gently.

"You're not making sense Serena." "Please don't do this to me again." Nate said looking at her in the eyes.

"I'm trying to not hurt you again." Serena said as she got up. Trying to calm herself.

"We can get through anything together." Nate said to her. "Hurt me I can take it." "I love you too much to lose you now." Nate said to her trying to keep his own composure.

"Nate let me go." "You're only going to make this harder." Serena said him. As the tremor in her hand took 5 minutes longer than last time to stop. As she refocused on him.

"I'm going anywhere." "S." "You don't have to go through what you're dealing with alone." "You have me." Nate said to her as he wiped her tears.

Emotions overtaking her. As she looked in his eyes and held his hand. As she started to speak.

"Nate I'm sick." Serena says to him. Her voice shaking.

 **Author's Note: Give your thoughts and predictions on what you think is wrong with Serena? In the reviews. Thank you all for your honest feedback and thoughts when you review. I look forward to reading what you think every time I post a new chapter. Thank you for taking a chance on me and this story. Until next time. :}**


	20. Chapter 20

**Apart By More Than Words**

 **Chapter 20**

 _You're hand in mine_

 _Is hard to erase._

"With what.?" Nate said curious.

"ALS." Serena said. I found out after getting tests done. And it completely shook me.

"All those times I ran and disappeared into the world because what was going on was too difficult or real for me to deal with. There is nothing I can do now and that is why I can't allow this to go any further. Between us."

Serena said looking at him in his eyes.

"Don't push me away because it will be difficult." "Between both our families we know how difficult and crazy things can get." "We can deal with this." Nate said looking to her.

"No!" Serena said. "It's too much." "I won't do that to you become a burden a responsibility." Serena said shaking her head. Crossing her arms. "I love you too much to put you through this." "As the years go on I will get worse and lose the ability to do this and that." "I could die between 3 to 5 years. Or if I'm lucky make it past 10 but by then what kind of life will I be living." "I wanted to soak in as much life and memories as I could." You didn't go into this relationship again to have to end up my life raft." "Just let me go."

"Find a healthy, beautiful, girl, who can give you the future you deserve." Serena said touching his face. Kissing him longingly. As they pulled apart.

Nate wrapped his arms around her. "We have our chance at happiness." "After years of watching the other piece together a life with someone else." "We are finally together." "And the last thing I plan to do is let you go." Nate said kissing her softly.

The beauty and warmth of his words. Made her feel safe. But she knew that it wouldn't be right and over time he would long for these simpler days. The headache and heartache would take its toll. Leaving her a shell of who she was. And him bitter and angry left without the things he wanted and needed. Which was why she knew what she had to do and would do it. Hopeful in time he would see and understand that she was right.

Weeks later

Over at Chuck and Blair's spending some time with the kids. Because being fresh off their second honeymoon they wanted to keep things going a little longer and went out to dinner. Which after not much insistence brought Nate and Serena to their house watching the Bass children.

"Uncle Nate." "I'm the Queen and you're the King." The young girl explained as she smiled at him.

"So we're supposed to where these costumes and do what exactly.?"

Nate asked her. Enjoying his time is her world.

"Help people I make the dresses and outfits for the people who need them." "And you do the business work away in the castle." "Then when your done you come downstairs and shake hands and meet with your people." She said excitedly.

"I think I can do that." Nate said smiling at her. As she took his hand and they went to dress up chest.

"So Henry you sure do like your trains." "Is there a story behind that.?" Serena asked him. Curious as she witnessed his focus on the objects.

"Yea these aren't just normal trains." "They travel the whole world and help you get to where you need to be and with who you care about." "This one goes to Paris and that one goes back and forth from New York." Henry told her. Looking into her eyes.

"What about this smaller one with the three seats.?" Serena asks him.

"That's special." "It's where mommies and daddies go and get babies then come home and you have a family." "Daddy explained that to me." He said proud of his understanding of the world.

Smiling at his response. Serena looked up at him. And said.

"Thank you for sharing your trains story with me." "You go on and keep playing I'll just sit here and watch." Serena said to him.

As she started to sit back down. Henry took her hand and Put a train inside it. As he started to speak.

"Since you know the whole story now." "You can join the story." He said smiling at her. Her heart melting, she saw o much of Chuck in him.

"Thanks Henry I would love to join your story." Serena said to him.

"It's our story now." He said to her as he went back to playing and she joined this new world.

A couple hours later

The front door opened as Chuck and Blair walked through the door.

"Thank you both so much for watching them." Blair said. As she hugged them both then went to check up on the kids.

"We really appreciate it." "Nate and Sis." "I hope they didn't drain all your energy so the two of can enjoy the rest of your night." "Here for your time." Chuck said as he started to pull out his wallet.

Serena quickly stopping him. "No need your family." "They were wonderful." "You have amazing children brother." "I would gladly watch them again anytime." Serena said as she hugged him goodbye.

"Same goes for me Chuck." "That daughter of yours has such an imagination." "Spending time with them reminded me how fun it was to be a kid." Nate said as he hugged him then opened the door.

"Maybe someday we'll be babysitting for the two of you." Chuck said as he smiled and watched them leave the house closing it behind them.

"He's right that could be us in the future." "Married with our own family." Nate said taking her hand.

"No I couldn't go through that again." Serena said as she got into the car. And stayed silent the whole ride home.


	21. Chapter 21

**Apart By More Than Words**

 **Chapter 21**

 _I'm here again_

 _A thousand miles away from you_

 _A broken mess_

 _Just scattered pieces_

 _Of who I am._

 _I tried so hard_

 _Thought I could do this on my own._

Weeks later

"I have some things to take care of." "I need to do alone." "We'll meet up later." "Monday." "I'll be careful." "And we'll talk soon." "I love you to Nate." Serena said as she took a breath and hung up her phone.

Nate had some work to get back to. So, Serena decided to take the opportunity to tie up some lose ends.

Heading back out to California for the weekend to catch up with her friends. Get an update on her teens. And pay back the flower vendor. Get reacquainted with the place that became her refuge. But before she left. She had to see someone and was thankful that she had the time and was honestly nervous but knew it needed to be done. As she knocked on the door.

It opening quickly. The expression of the person expressing what Serena felt but couldn't express.

"Serena come on in." "When I got your call I was surprised to hear from you." "But glad I did." "So now I can apologize to you in person." The woman said as she walked inside behind Serena and closed the door.

"Jenny thank you for agreeing to see me and I understand you weren't well." "And clung to Nate because of him being the great guy he is."

Serena said as she cleared her throat trying to not let emotion keep her from speaking.

"Yes I've improved a lot." "But that doesn't excuse how I treated you and I hope you and Nate are in a better place now." Jenny said to her.

"Speaking of Nate." "Let's sit and talk." Serena said to her.

Nate walked into the restaurant relieved to have some down and be able to get his mind off of worrying about Serena and wondering how she felt about everything. They hadn't talked much about her condition. At every attempt to bring it up Serena changed the subject eventually he just stopped trying. She said she would rather stay at a hotel for right now. Since she hadn't planned on staying long and didn't want to inconvenience me. But the truth was I thought is that she didn't want us to get close again. Feeling like putting space between us would somehow make the feelings between us start to lessen with time. And honestly I just wanted to find a way for her to see just how much I was committed to her. She needed her space and time for this life changing news to absorb. I understood and would give her exactly that.

Nate thought to himself. And his dinner guest for the evening arrived.

"Hey Rai." Nate said hugging her.

"Hi Nate." Raina said hugging him back as they sat down.

"I take it your time away did you some good." "You look different in a way I can't place it. Raina said looking at him in his eyes. "You're in love." She said smiling.

Smiling. As he started to answer her. "Yes I am." Nate said blushing as he looked away.

Smiling as she looked at him. "I knew it." "A man in love is easy to spot the eyes tell everything." "Serena is a very lucky woman." "You are a very rare loving, gentle person. You love with your whole heart and hug with both hands tight." "Any girl would consider themselves lost in a dream to have you." Raina said to him. "Watch it he's very much unavailable." Raina thought to herself as she started to drink her peach iced tea.

"Thanks Raina that's really kind of you to say." Nate said looking at her. "What about you have you met anyone special.?" Nate asked curious as he looked at the menu.

"Nope." "A bunch of first dates leading to nowhere." "At this rate I'm convinced I've kissed all the frogs in the pond." "Quality love stories are just for the books I guess." She said as she looked at him.

"What's going on in that head Archibald.?" "It looks like your mind is anywhere but here which is fine but if you're going through something I would love to be able to offer my advice if you think it would help." Raina said putting her hand on his.

"It's Serena." Nate said pausing as he spoke. "She's going through something and she just keeps pushing me farther away." "I want to be there for her but she won't let me and I don't know what to do." Nate confessed.

Her heart aching for him. She pulled him close to her in a hug.

Hugging her back as he quickly wiped his eyes.

"I'm sorry Raina." "I'm ruining this dinner." Nate said as he tried to refocus.

"Don't apologize for feeling and loving." "Thank you for confiding in me." "Without preying I think you just need to be honest with her and ask her why she feels like pushing you away is the right thing." Raina said putting her hand on his. "Let's order dessert first." "That is a way to turn this night in a better direction." She said smiling as she handed him the dessert menu.

"Come by anytime Serena." "It was nice catching up with you." "And I will definitely make sure to check out that place you told me about." "I could you use a new wardrobe and some new people to talk to." Jenny said.

"We should do a spa day or something soon." Serena said as she waved goodbye. "Remember what we talked about." Serena said as she got into her car.

"I will." Jenny said as she waved back.

Serena got into her car and started to drive. Checking her phone taking notice of the text and voicemail she had from Nate from earlier on today that she hadn't looked at. Erasing it while she changed lanes. She would talk to him on Monday until then she only had to focus on herself that was all she could handle at the moment.

Serena thought to herself. While she smiled taking a breath as she turned down her window the welcome to California sign in her view.

As she slowed down taking in her neighborhood. Stopping at the vendor hugging him lightly as she pulled her purse giving him the money.

Smiling as his eyes went wide. "Serena this is way too much." He said taking the extra money out. As she shook her head.

"The extra money is for your kindness." "I've really appreciated your friendship." Serena said as she got back into her car.

Waving as she drove away. Next stop the school. Time to check up on her teens. Their time together impacted her more than she realized.

Serena thought to herself as she drove her smile reappearing as she got closer to the school. Stopping in the parking lot and walking out taking her time.

The sun hitting her face. _THE TEEN Center_ in big letters. Opening the front door and walking carefully inside as she took notice of the classrooms and changes that had been made since she left. Tracing the letters of her name as she walked inside the room closing the door behind her.

The teens turning their heads toward the door. As they spotted her. Jumping out of their seats. Hugging her tightly. Filling her heart with a longing ache of belonging.

"I missed of you so much." Serena said as she sat down. As she sat down in the empty chair saw and caught up with all of them.

Nate walked inside his home and turned on the light. Sighing as he looked around at the empty room. Sitting down at his desk. He decided to write Serena a letter. Hopeful that when she got it they would be able to start and move forward together.

 _Dear Serena._ The letter started out.

 **Author's Note: Why do you Serena is pulling away from Nate? What should Nate do? Your thoughts on Raina? Let me know what you think of this chapter in the reviews. :}**


	22. Chapter 22

**Apart By More Than Words**

 **Chapter 22**

 _Don't allow your heart_

 _To accept a prison_

 _Cause you took my heart_

 _And you gave it vision._

 _Dear Serena. On the ride home. I've been trying to put myself in your position. And think about how I would handle the news that my life was going to change in such a drastic way but gradually. So, it would hit me in waves the gravity of what was happening. And the understanding that I couldn't do anything to alter the outcome. For someone like you who thrives on taking the world on feet first. This must feel like having your arms and legs slowly being pinned up. making you want to exhaust all your limbs while you can._

 _Every time you attempt to move forward your reminded. The looming unknown is that much closer. I know that you're scared and think that I would be better off with someone else. Because things will only get harder to handle. But I'm tougher than you realize. And I can help you to still be the unstoppable force you are now. If you would give me the chance to show you that. If there was a way for me to go through this for you I would but since I can't. Know that regardless of what the future holds. I'm going to love and support you. For the rest of our life together. I'm hopelessly, endlessly, in love with you Serena._

 _Love Nate_

Feeling as if everything he needed to express was in the letter. Nate put it in an envelope and signed her name to it. He wanted to give it to her in person. Checking his phone to see if there were any missed calls or texts. Nate noticed that he had a voicemail he had yet to listen to. So, he typed in his password and put the phone to his ear as the message played.

 _Nate. I'm sorry. I changed plans. I'm coming home to you. I will explain when I get there. I love you._

Nate was taken aback and touched by her words. But it hurt him to hear the rawness in her voice.

Hearing a knock at the door. Nate takes a breath. And walks over to open it. As the door opens. He relaxes. Seeing Serena in front of him.

Letting her inside the house. Closing and locking the door behind her.

Nate walks over to her. So, they are face to face. Staring at each other. Neither person knows where to start or what to bring up.

Nate looks in her eyes. As she reacts to his gaze. Then he speaks.

"I got your voicemail." "What have you planned to explain to me.?" Nate asked her.

"When I first found this out." "I was convinced I might as well just never leave my house again and just let this whole thing just take over." "And then I got Blair's invitation." "That reminded me if I were to do that how could I go on knowing how badly I hurt the people I loved. My brother, Blair, Chuck, You. So, I decided to go and ended up getting back the hope that I had lost.

The power of love is a powerful thing. Watching and hearing them say their vows and seeing them with their kids. Made me ache for what I felt like I didn't deserve or would never truly find. Considering how badly things ended in regards to us in the past. Then the reception happened.

Without any other influence but fate and timing. The two of us met up again after time apart and an almost wedding. Still just the sight of each other in the other person's eyes. Makes us have to look away. The connection and sense of familiarity couldn't be more present. All the events following lead us here in this room.

Serena said looking around before facing Nate again.

"I pushed you away." "Because I have this unshakeable feeling that one day in the future you are going to get hit with all the things you gave up because you choose to stay with me." "Whether it be you actually love me enough to discard what you truly want or maybe it's pity for the sick woman who in a way is getting her karma. No more running and continuously going in circles around the same emotional road blocks. I have to deal with what is happening. Fully understand that after a certain point. My body will betray me. My voice and mind trapped. Amongst other functions that will have become a distant memory.

"I can't in good conscious keep allowing you to develop any deeper feelings for me and let you imagine this life that will only be active in your mind."

"I love you." Serena said touching his face with hand. "I'm letting you go." "Since I know you don't have the heart to do it yourself." Serena said to him. As she looked away.

Taking his hand as he touched her face. Bringing it up so their eyes were locked as he spoke.

"I wrote you a letter." "I have it with me." He said handing it to her. As she took hold of it in her gently shaking hand. Quickly putting it away.

"This isn't the first time you've given me an escape route." "I'm not going to attempt to have any idea what you're feeling emotionally or otherwise." "Because honestly this entire situation makes me angry as well as breaks my heart watching you go through it." "You can continue finding ways and reasons to keep me away." "But that will never stop how strongly and passionately my love for you is." "There are a variety of women in this world." "You Serena are the only one who my heart answers to." Nate said to her.

As he closed the gap between them. Wrapping his arms around her.

While she finally stopped resisting his love and just gave into it.

Letting him hold her as they walked over to the bed.

Hand and hand. They laid together Serena safely wrapped in the comfort of Nate's arms.

Her eyes thick with exhaustion from the travel and conversation.

The last words she heard before sleep took over were "I love you."

In the morning

Waking up with her in his arms. He almost wanted to freeze time. Everything that was said yesterday was so needed. There was so much between them that felt at least on the way to being clearer. But still certain things needed to be told and clarified like his relationship with Raina. Until then he would continue to be there for Serena.

Nate kissed her cheek. Carefully getting out of bed. Leaving her letter in his place. While he looked at her once more than checked his phone.

He had a missed call from Jenny. And a text from Raina.

Since it had been some time since he had saw her he decided to go visit Jenny then afterwards see what Raina wanted.

Things were changing he could feel it.

Nate thought to himself as he walked out the door.


	23. Chapter 23

**Apart by More Than Words**

 **Chapter 23**

 _I tried to paint you a picture_

 _The colors were all wrong_

 _Black and white didn't fit you_

 _And all along_

 _You were shaded with patience_

 _Strokes of everything._

 _That I need just to make it._

Waking up with the brightness that glowed against the wall of the closed shade. On the opposite side of her. Serena slowly got up and noticed Nate was gone. But he had left behind the letter he had told her about during their talk yesterday. As she looked at the envelope. Filled with curiosity at what this letter contained. She decided to take a shower and eat breakfast before she read it.

Sometime later

Getting everything she wanted done out of the way. Serena turned off her phone and walked over to the bed as she picked up the letter. And sat down with it on the couch. Tracing her name with her finger. She gently opened the envelope. Taking the letter out and placed the envelope on her lap. Unfolding the letter. She started to read his words.

Beginning as always with _Dear Serena._ Just the sight of those beginning words made her blush. She could picture him. Sitting at his desk writing this to her and the image filled her heart with warmth.

Going line by line she realized how her fear and want to protect herself by keeping him at arm's length affected him. More than he ever had vocalized to her. But she also witnessed his humbleness, Heart, willingness to support her in any way she needed. And lastly his love for her as a person. Wanting to move past their history but still respecting what it took for both of them to get to the place they were today.

She understood his point of view and saw for herself that he tried to see things from her side as well. The weight and meaningfulness of his words. Ending beautifully with his declaration of love and the idea and hopeful reality of a life shared together. Brought tears to her eyes.

Wiping them away. She put the letter safely back inside the envelope. Then walked over and put the envelope into the nearest drawer by the bed on her side.

Her heart and mind was made up. The talk last night in combination with the letter this morning. Gave her all the answers to her questions. Sending her fear away. And replacing that feeling with hope. The want to live as much as she was capable of with Nate by her side. Enjoying the surprise and goodness that life offered. While weathering the more dark and unpleasant moments together.

She was finished running away to and from. Needing to disconnect from people she knew and wanting to build a new identity all together. She would stay here in New York. In this home with Nate. Surrounded by the people she loved. Serena looked around the room. Deciding she would cook dinner tonight and tell Nate her decision. Hopeful afterward they could discuss what this future would look like.

Serena got out her keys and took off out the door.

Nate looked at Jenny and smiled happily he was relieved to see she wasn't just falling back into old habits. But had managed to build a completely new life for herself. He felt proud for her. Turning his attention towards her as she started to speak.

"You didn't have to come over." "You could have just called me back." "I didn't mean to take away from your day or any plans you had." Jenny said to him. Reentering the room with a tray of snacks and drinks."

"I know I didn't." "But I wanted to see for myself how you were holding up." "From the looks of it you're doing great." Nate said to her. Taking a seat next to Jenni. On the white couch with black pillows. Mentally taking a note of how comfortable it was.

"Thank you." "I wouldn't have gotten the help I needed if it hadn't of been for you telling my dad what I had told you." "I'm actually surprised you want anything to do with me these days." "I don't know if it had been the other way around I would have been so understanding." Jenny said looking away.

Nate putting his hand on hers as she faced him again. As he started to speak.

"Jenny even though things didn't work out as planned for us." "Doesn't mean I didn't and don't care for you." "Because I care deeply for you I always have." "And hope you find all the happiness you're searching for." "The right person is out there for you." "I learned and valued our time together." "And would hope you would consider us friends." Nate said to her. Looking into her eyes.

Smiling as she spoke. "Really." "Yes I would really like that Nate." Jenny said. As she opened her arms and hugged him lightly.

Smiling as he hugged her back. He hoped Dan wouldn't mind if he looked out for Jenny. The two of them had been so close he knew Dan's death rocked her to the core her already rocky foundation fell apart. Once he found out she was going to be alright he had let go of an unknown held breath.

Once they had pulled apart. Nate took a closer look at the snacks Jenny had brought out and picked out a couple offering her a choice from what he had chosen and said to her. "Let's break out the Netflix and watch a documentary." Nate said excitedly.

Shaking her head as she laughed looking at him. "You are such a dork." Jenny said as she started scrolling through the documentaries.

"Education in movie form it doesn't get better than that." Nate said to her.

"I missed you." Jenny said to him.

"I missed you to Jen." Nate said back to her.

As they started to narrow down their choices.

Hours later

"That was a really good pick Jenny." "My selective taste is rubbing off on you." Nate said as he hugged her goodbye.

"Yea." "Yea." "Next time you pick." Jenny said as she hugged him back.

And got back into her house. Closing the door behind him.

Nate now down the driveway and into his car. Checked his phone and the text message unread by him. From Raina. His car keys in his other hand as he read the text.

 _Hi Nate just checking in. Hope you took my advice and things went okay. Feel free to fill me in on the details. I'm be at the park until late. Will be doing some much-needed star gazing. Stop by I'll be there until 10. Raina._

Looking at the time the clock read 7:00 Pm. Nate realized he had some free time and decided to do just that. As he followed the address and took off for the park.

Minutes later.

Having parked his car. Close by. He looked around trying to find Raina.

Spotting by the been sitting in the benches. Looking out at the view.

Nate walked over and touched her shoulder lightly.

As she turned around and smiled.

Patting the space next to her. While he sat down.

"I see you got my text." "So how did it go.?" She asked curious.

"I did see it." "And we are slowly starting to rebuild things." "And I'm hopeful that things will improve given the time and care it needs." "Your advice gave me the push I needed." "I want to thank you for that." Nate said putting his hand on hers.

"No thank you needed." "We are friends." "I gave my thoughts and it worked to your benefit that's all." Raina said as she looked at him.

"Wow." "Did I say something wrong or that offended you." "if so I'm sorry." "I thought you wanted to be in the loop on things." Nate said looking back at her.

Taking a breath as she looked away then back at him.

"I'm the one who should be sorry." "I didn't mean to make it seem like my attitude was caused by you." "It's just." She said looking away. As Nate talked to her.

"Rai come on." "It's me you can tell me anything that is on your mind." Nate said to her.

"Have you told this Serena of yours about the two of us.?" "Our friendship or whatever this is." She said looking at him in the eyes.

"No I haven't yet." "But I will be." "And we are friends why are you suddenly doubting that.?" Nate asked her.

Tears suddenly welling up in her eyes. As she turned to him.

"Because I want you Nate." "I've tried to keep it to myself and shut it off but the more time we spend together. The more obvious it becomes." Raina said looking into his eyes. Tears falling from her face.

Nate's heart ached as he took his hand and wiped away her tears.

Looking into her eyes. His mind trying to wrap around what she just revealed to him.

Raina put her hand on his touching his face with her hand.

….

 **Author's Note: Thoughts? predictions? Does Nate return her feelings or will he walk away? Is Serena planning to reveal more than her plans to stay in NEW York? Let me your thoughts in the reviews.**


	24. Chapter 24

**Apart By More Than Words**

 **Chapter 24**

 _I shouldn't love you_

 _But I want to_

 _I just can't turn away_

 _I don't know how to be fine_

 _When I'm not cause I don't know_

 _How to make the feelings stop._

Moving her face closer to his. As she leaned over. Closing her eyes.

Nate removing his hand and quickly pulling his face away.

Shocked as he started to speak. "Raina I have to go." Nate said to her. Starting to get up. As she took his hand. Looking straight into his eyes as she spoke.

"Nate I'm not delusional here." "There is something between us." "Deeper than friendship." "We fill voids in the other person." "You are exactly what I've been looking for." "And I am just what you need but are too afraid to go for." "You don't have to think so much about it." "Just let me focus on you and those eyes of yours." Raina said leaning in again.

"This is not right I can't do this." Nate said taking his hand away from her.

"You are such a good guy Nate Archibald." "The fact that she could just toss you away like she did makes no sense to me." "Can you really see a future with her." "Always having to take care of her and do this and that." "What kind of life would you be living.?" "You deserve way more than anything she's offering you." "Do you truly want to get married and be stuck in the quicksand of her illness forever.?" "What about children.?" "She's perfectly fine letting you thrown that dream away." Raina said to him.

"I'm leaving." "I won't stay here and listen to anymore garbage you have to spew." "You know nothing about my relationship with Serena and what we have been through and what she is currently going through." Nate said.

As he started to walk away. "Don't call me or text me or invite me out." "We were friends." "But if you can't respect my relationship with Serena that can end." "I'm in love with her."

"It's pathetic really." "Instead of going after someone you have a chance with." "You try and kiss someone whose very much committed." "Goodbye Raina." Nate said to her taking off in his car as he went home.

In disbelief at the turn of events the night took. He went straight home. Needing to see Serena and talk to her. Nate thought himself. Taking a breath driving carefully as he eventually reached his house.

Gently opening the door to see Serena in the kitchen cooking something he couldn't see but it smelled amazing. Nate thought to himself.

As he closed the door behind him.

"What are we celebrating.?" Nate asked as he walked over to her.

Smiling as she responded. "My homecoming."

"I'm officially moved back to New York." She said happily.

"And if the offer still stands I would love to wake up to that face of yours in the morning." She said kissing him.

Smiling back in response. "You read my letter." Nate said bringing her closer to him.

"I did and it was everything I needed." Serena said with tears in her eyes.

"No holding anything back anymore." "Complete and total honesty.

"I'm in love with you Nate Archibald." "I want a future with you."

"Marriage and children." "And us being so happy."

"Our days never really end just continue." Serena said excitedly.

"Let's eat and tell me how your day was." Serena said taking his hand excitedly.

As they sat at the kitchen table. And started to eat the dinner she had made.

Dan began telling Serena about his day. Starting with visiting Jenny.

"She has improved so much." "You should have seen Jenny's face."

"When I told her I wanted to be friends." "It felt good being able to be honest with her and let her know that she wasn't alone." Nate said looking to her.

"I know exactly what you mean." Serena said putting her hand on his.

"I had visited her and we made peace." "I think she would really benefit from all of us including her more in our lives." Serena said to him.

"That's a really good idea." Nate said while he finished the remainder of his dinner.

While Serena got up and got the ice cream out of the freezer.

"I have chocolate syrup, sprinkles, whipped cream, caramel sauce." Pick whatever you want then come with me." She said smiling.

"This night is about to get very close." "And extremely personal." She said leaning over as she kissed.

"I am so ready to see what you've planned." "But before we get any more physically bare." "I need to be honest about something." Nate said looking in her eyes.

"My friend Raina I haven't gotten around to mentioning her until now." "And why that is because I didn't want you to feel threatened in any way over the time me and her spent together." "Especially with everything that you're going through." Nate said as he held her hand.

"Okay I can understand that." "But why do I think there is more to the story." Serena said to him.

"Because there is." Nate said taking a breath as he looked away.

Then faced her again as he spoke. "Tonight Raina confessed that she had feelings for me." "Way more than the friend kind I had for her." "And if that wasn't enough." "She then tried to kiss me." "Which was met with my telling her off then leaving." "I don't plan to be in contact with her." "After tonight." Nate said.

As he looked into Serena's eyes trying to read her reaction.

Serena started to speak.

"I appreciate you being so honest with me." "But I don't want you to end your friendship." "We all need friends." "Up until this night she's been a good one to you." "And that shouldn't stop on my account." "The only thing is I want to have a conversation with her alone." "After that whether you talk with her again or not is up to you." Serena said.

looking at him. Taking a breath as she began to scoop out the ice cream she wanted.

"That was not the reaction I was expecting from you at all." "And I will reach out to her so the two of you can talk." Nate said to her.

Deciding which Ice cream flavor, he wanted.

While thinking about how he would bring up the topic.

In the end just deciding to just go for it.

"When the idea of children came up before." "You had said you didn't want to." "Go through that again." "What exactly did you mean by that.?" Nate asked carefully.

"Dropping her spoon into her ice cream." As she looked away. Almost sending the bowl to the floor.

Her voice quiet almost removed. As she started to speak. Unable to look at him.

"I used to have a daughter." She started to say. Tears in her eyes starting well up.

While memories came back to her. Like a scrapbook she couldn't close.

 **Author's Note: So much happened in this chapter. Let me know your predictions for the talk between Raina and Serena? Your thoughts on how Nate handled the Raina Situation? Serena's thoughts and hopes for the future do you think her dreams will come true? How fast Is Serena's Illness really progressing do you think that's why she's changed her mind? Lastly Dan and Serena's daughter. What happened to her and how it affected both Dan and Serena. Let me know your thoughts in the reviews.**

 **Until next chapter :}**


	25. Chapter 25

**Apart By More Than Words**

 **Chapter 25**

 _Welcome to this place_

 _I'll show you everything_

 _With arms, wide open._

The pregnancy went by so much quicker than either of us thought it would. The entire time Dan waited on me hand and foot. It was exactly how I imagined he would have been. We took so many pictures and bought so much clothes and toys. Dan thought we would have had to build an extra room to hold it all.

On a clear spring morning. In the early hours of the day.

Quinn Jennifer Humphrey was born.

I could barely speak with the amount of love and thankfulness I felt.

She was beautiful. Dan's dark hair. My eyes. And this look on her face of curiosity. She was wide awake. I remember counting her fingers and toes. She was a good baby. Cried only when she needed something. I slept when I could. Dan was so hands on with her. I thought to myself. You made the right choice. He was going to be the dad she deserved. As for myself I loved her probably more than I'd ever loved anyone.

Days went into months and years passed.

Before we finished got a second to absorb it at all.

She had turned three years old.

Full of life and so funny. Loved dress up and clothes. Playing in my shoes and messing with makeup.

She could get away with anything when it came to her daddy. She had him wrapped around her heart. They had such a close relationship. Always doing something together and spending time together.

I saw myself in her in a lot of ways. So much as she got older. It used to scare me wondering what a teenager her would be like. We had our own mother and daughter activities. The spa and the park and cooking. She liked to help me bake. Really get her hands dirty and decorating whether it was sprinkles or frosting.

When she wasn't surrounding our days with her laughter and fun. She spent days or nights with aunt Jenny. Who she completely adored. Looked up to. Went to movies and art galleries and aquariums with hand and hand.

Parenthood. Brought Dan and I closer in every aspect of our relationship.

There were moments. I didn't want to sleep because I couldn't stand to miss a moment.

I fell in love with him. All over again. Seeing him as a father just made me see him as this even deeper more emotionally available generally loving man.

I'll admit I didn't appreciate it the way I should have. And that is something.

That will forever eat away at me. He loved me with every single ounce of himself.

Selfishly though I wanted more of something I couldn't place. To be honest even after all this time. I still don't understand why I acted the way I did.

Dan wanted more kids. A son or another daughter. He always brought it up.

I felt like we had our hands full and needed to put all our energy into her.

I could be a real bitch. I felt trapped. In a life, I so desperately wanted or so that's what I told myself.

Dan never faulted me for my lack of family orientated nature.

He made up for it. Being the best father and husband he could be. I figured eventually someday he would have enough and end up leaving me and taking her with him.

The sad part is considering the way things truly ended. I would of rather that.

Serena said as she wiped her eyes. Pausing as she took a breath.

Before she continued.

We were going on a family trip. That day is so clear I smell the grass and hear the animals from the farms that lived close by as we drove. Straight through dirt roads.

Seeing Dan's smile as he looked back at Quinn asleep in the back seat.

The sun was setting it was my turn to drive. We had been switching drivers every couple of miles.

While the darkness started to take over the sky. It was nice and peaceful.

Then it started to rain. Slow at first then it poured. The raindrops hitting the window. Quicker by the minute.

I had insisted I was fine I could keep driving. So, I did. Minutes went by fast. The night enclosing on me. At least that's how it felt. Cars ran past us at both sides. Halfway there now.

I had a new confidence realizing that I was going to make it there.

My hands shook. I was more nervous then I let on. Switching lanes.

A sign I had missed. Lights were hard to see. Instead of break.

I hit the gas.

There was a hit. Loud. Deafening.

One minute there was laughter then it was silent. Everything went black.

Serena stopped unable to move. The memory trapping her.

When I woke up. I was in the hospital. Dan was holding my hand.

The way he always had. The look on his face was different.

His voice was empty as if he struggled to speak.

He looked away. His face pale. And tear stricken.

As he spoke. Slowly. "Quinn is dead." He said tears welling up in his again.

The doctor had come in. Went on about sudden impact.

I blacked out. I hear them say get this man a gurney.

Dan had collapsed. It was all too much. Those days following as I recovered in the hospital. Are a blur.

The funeral was full of tears and words I can never place. Faces I don't recognize.

I didn't care about anything anymore. My marriage. My husband. My Life.

All of it meaningless to me. Passing her room every day. Made me sick.

I couldn't look at myself.

Dan tried to talk to me and reach me. Needing to deal with his own pain as well.

Days lost their color and track of time. The house was dark. Even with lights on.

Neither of us stepped foot. Into her room.

Until a year later.

I walked close by the outside of the door and heard Dan crying in there.

I slammed open the door. And yelled at him.

"Why are you here!" I said to anger filling my entire being.

"You won't even talk about her." "I can't deal with this by myself." "And I shouldn't to we were her parents." He said as his voice broke.

"Don't you think I know that!" I yelled.

"Every single day I wake up it hits me all over again."

"She's gone because of me." "I couldn't just let you drive." I said wiping my eyes.

"Go get out of here." "Leave me." "I lost her I might as well lose you to." I said to him.

As he tried to comfort me. But I pushed him away. Until he had no choice but to leave for good.

One my first night alone in the house. I drank until I started seeing her.

She smiled and stuck her hand out for me to take when I woke up. She was gone.

Dan moved out. I ignored his every attempt at contacting with me.

And then I was gone. On the move, again. To California. Leaving Serena behind and the ghosts that haunted my mind and broke my heart.

Serena said as she got up and left the room.

Nate speechless. Watched her walk away.

 **Author's Note: Now that the whole story has been told. What are your thoughts on Serena? Dan? and Quinn? Do you have a better understanding as to why Serena is so closed off? And where do Nate and Serena go from here? Let me your thoughts on is chapter in the reviews.**

 **See you next time.**


	26. Chapter 26

**Apart By More Than Words**

 **Chapter 26**

 _I'll tell my sins_

 _And you can sharpen your knife._

Minutes later she walked out of the bedroom. Keys in hand as she looked up.

Looking Nate in the eyes. Hey face still tear streaked. As she started to speak.

"I will be back." "Don't wait up." Serena said as she started to walk out of the kitchen.

Nate stopping her by taking her hand. As she attempted to let go. While he started to talk.

"Thank you for telling me her story." "I actually understand you more now."

"Nothing you told me changes how I feel about you." He told her.

Pulling her into his arms in a hug. As she started to speak.

"You may know more than you did." "Dan probably blamed himself way more than he ever blamed me." "But for myself I can never forget or forgive my part." She said.

As tears welled up in her eyes again.

As she walked out the door. Got into her car and drove.

Slowly past stores and restaurants. Watching as people talked and laughed going in and out of the bar. Taking a deep breath while the smell of alcohol came in through her windows on the wind through the open front door.

The temptation to park and walk inside made her mouth water. And heart beat quicken. Remembering the cool taste and the numbing feel as glass after glass affected her taking her out of her body and clearing her mind.

Refocusing her view watching the stoplight change from red to green she drove straight. Turning in to the nearest parking lot. Shutting off her lights. Walking slowly through the single door.

Taking notice of the trays of cookies and variety of teas and coffees. As she glanced at the other people talking amongst themselves.

While the last person sat down filling the empty space and the talk quieted down.

A single voice spoke up. Slowly and welcoming.

"Do we have any newcomers here tonight.?" The older man said as he looked around at the multiple faces.

Looking away as she took a breath then got up. Her voice strong but nervous.

"My name is Serena and I'm an alcoholic." She said feeling proud of herself. The nervousness slowly leaving. As she was met with applause.

The leader of the group looking to her. Smiling Warmly. As he spoke.

"Welcome Serena." "You took a big step today coming here and admitting that." "Your journey is just beginning." "Feel free to share as you listen in on other people tell their stories." The man said as he turned his attention to other people in the group.

Sometime later.

Staring at the day 1 chip she had in her hand she walked into her car and went home.

Turning on the radio. Smiling as memories flooded her mind.

She was promised herself after losing Quinn that she would not take life for granted and she planned to do exactly that. The guilt behind the accident had eaten her alive.

Truly drained her of wanting to live at all. But going to California and piecing herself together brought her slowly out of her darkness.

It gave her peace to know that Dan and Quinn were together. And that someday they would all be reunited.

Until then she would love and experience all life had to offer.

Pulling into the driveway. She walked to the front door. And spotted a note titled with her name. Closing the door behind her. She smiled noticing the handwriting. This has Nate written all over it. Serena thought to herself. As she started to read the note.

 _Dear Serena._

 _Since our ice cream night got cut short. I thought we could use a night in. Where we could bare our souls, hearts, and minds, Follow the picture road. Love Nate._

Smiling as she finished the note. She follows the pictures. They lead up the upstairs.

Walking slowly as she reaches the door. Labeled Love.

She touches the letters. And begins to open the door.

To see Nate standing in front of her.

With a smile on his face that made her knees weak.

As he took her hand.

And she closed the door behind them.

 **Author's note: Thoughts on the chapter? Serena starting AA Meetings? What do think Nate has planned? Let me know your thoughts, ideas, Predictions in the reviews.**

 **See you next chapter.:}**


	27. Chapter 27

**Apart By More Than Words**

 **Chapter 27**

 _Does it hurt?  
What?  
Love.  
Sometimes._

Looking at her face. Made my heart ache in a way only she did. Bringing her close to me as I looked into her eyes. Reflecting back at me. Was love. And I knew that what I was going to do would change everything. But the words as much as I wanted to let them fall to the floor and get swept away. It wouldn't instead it lingered in the back of my mind. If anything, I realized that there was truth. In her what she said. A reality I didn't know if I could honestly keep alive having to handle everything on my own as time would only progresses.

Nate thought to himself. As Serena started to speak.

"I went to an AA meeting tonight." "And hearing all those stories from other people made me realize I wasn't in the same place they were in." "But I had a habit of going off the deep end in destructive ways. When bad things happened." "I need to get a handle on that." "And I learned I wasn't the only person who lost a child." "A woman and man who go to the same group invited me to come to a support group for parents and family members who have lost someone." "I think Jenny would really benefit from this group as well." "When I do I'm going to invite her along." Serena said excitedly.

"That is incredible S." "I know she will really appreciate you including her and everything." Nate said.

"Could we sit down.?" "I have to tell you something.?" Nate asked.

"Sure but I need some ice cream." Serena said happily.

"Wait let's talk first." Nate said as they sat down next to each other.

"Okay fine." "What's on your mind Nate.?" Serena said looking at him.

"I think this was a mistake.?" Nate said as he started to get up.

"What are you talking about.?" Serena said putting her hand on his shoulder.

"Me and you." "Getting into this relationship." Nate said looking into her eyes.

"This makes no sense." Serena said looking back at him.

"You wrote me that letter." "And you made it okay for me." "You said you could handle we would face it together." "That you loved me." Serena said as her voice broke. Causing her to look away.

"Look I know I said and did things." "But the things that Raina said just won't leave me." "I keep going back to that." "What future could be built between us when the amount of time we would have would be so limited." "Who were we kidding here.?" "Nate and Serena." "Apart of the same world but completely different people." "I shouldn't have invited you back to the house the day at the wedding." "You were right you should have just left then." Nate said looking away. "Spending the night together was just a way to pass the time." "I've been one for small talk and deep conversations." Nate said to her.

Taking a breath before she responded.

"I guess the joke is on me." "True Love is a myth."

"I actually let myself be vulnerable and open." "I thought if I could trust anyone with my heart, my body, and secret." "It would be Nate." "Obviously, I'm a fool." "I will never leave myself open like that again." "Especially not to you." "Say hi to Raina for me."

Serena said as she wiped eyes. And walked out the door.

…


	28. Chapter 28

**Apart By More Than Words**

 **Chapter 28**

" **If you limit your choice only to what seems possible or reasonable, you disconnect yourself from what you truly want, and all that is left is a compromise."**

1 year later

It would be easy to sit there and say that it was all a lie or a nightmare.

But the more I see of the world. I realize that truth is all we have.

And I ended things with Serena that day. And have not seen her since then.

Regrets take up space. But I know one thing. The both of us are better off.

At least I hope so.

Nate thought to himself. As he looked out the view of his office building. Getting ready to leave for the day. His company had grown to become a huge success. Which kept him living very comfortably. When he wasn't in meetings he was out in the city. Meeting people and traveling. Spending late nights and early mornings. Being invited to this event and that event by this celebrity and that celebrity. Getting noticed when he was in public took adjusting to get used to.

And then there was his life at home. Behind closed doors. Where he could just be Nate. He indulged in his home life.

Allowing access to only the people who mattered to him the most. Chuck and Blair starting coming around again. After they had gotten word of everything that had taken place. They had distanced themselves.

It's been a few weeks now. And things are starting to feel normal again.

At night, I think about her sometimes. Wonder how she is, what she is up to, If she's happy. But then I stop and refocus on my life and the choices I made.

Listening to the clock tick. As my eyes, close. Random faces with names I don't care to remember are lead into my room. And leave in the early hours of my morning. Leaving my hollow like the night I let her go.

Nate thought to himself. Walking into his house as he closed the door behind him.

Life has been full of events. Things have never been busier and I love it.

The kids are a year older. And changing even more into their people.

Which excites me as I get to by with them along with Chuck on this incredible journey.

My fashion line has become a must have by so many people.

I can't keep up. There is talk about expanding.

Chuck had decided to take some time for his family.

In his own words. "I've made enough money to last us through this lifetime and the next." The kids love having him around more.

As for myself. Seeing the pure joy and happiness on his face.

Is all that need. Along with our weekly date nights and family time.

Blair looks through her latest fashion ideas and looks at the cooking channel.

I never needed anyone. That is how it's always been. Relying on my knowledge of the world and everything I've learned.

There are things that have changed for the better like my work with my teens in officially in full force and the flower vendor man has his own flower shop now.

I've kept in contact with Blair and Chuck and the kids.

My brother is coming to see me today he has new to tell me.

My condition has started to affect more things. But I am staying positive.

She ran into me on a rare trip to New York.

Boasting about herself and the weekly nights she spent at Nate's house.

I didn't give her the satisfaction of a response but I felt my heart break even more. And I hate it. I can't care about him or what was. I can just focus on now.

Serena thought to herself as she started her day.


	29. Chapter 29

**Apart By More Than Words**

 **Chapter 29**

Knocking at the door. Brought Serena out of her own mind.

As she walked to the door. And smiled happily at the person.

On the other side. Opening it quickly. While opening her arms to hug him.

"Eric." Serena said holding him tightly. As they pulled apart. He walked inside. While she closed the door behind him. As they sat down together.

"I feel like we haven't seen each other." "In way too long."

"I miss you baby brother." Serena said. looking at him.

"I miss you to." "It's been awhile the last time we saw each was for new year's." "How are you S.?" "And don't lie to me." Eric said to her.

"I'm holding in there." "I'm the big sister I worry and protect you." She said putting her hand on his squeezing it. "So what is your news.?" Serena asks excitedly.

"I will never not worry and will always protect you." "Especially now." He said to her. Looking into her eyes. "Just what you need something to lift your spirits." "I'm getting married." He said happily. "Actually we're eloping." "And I was wondering if you would be my best woman and our witness.?" Eric asked her smiling.

"Of course I will." "I would be honored to be a part of your special day." Serena said to him. Humbled. "Out of everyone you could have asked." "Why me.?" Serena asked him.

"Isn't obvious your incredible fashion sense." "Plus you will look great in pictures." "But seriously you're my best friend." "I couldn't imagine this day feeling complete without you." Eric looking to her.

Tearing welling up in her eyes. "Wow." "Thank you for saying that." "Let's get you married." Serena said taking his hand as they started to walk out the door.

"You know for someone who is living their dreams." "You don't look very happy." Raina said to Nate. Walking over to him.

"I am." "I'm just trying to stay professional." Nate said to her.

"You don't have to pretend with me." "There is more that work going on in the mind of yours" She said to him.

"Just homesick." Nate said to her. "You went home a while ago for New year's didn't that help at all." "You catching up with everyone from your old life.?" She asked him.

"It did but it gets old fast you know." "The parties and events and big deal of it all." "I kind of miss being under the radar and no one caring what I do and who I'm with." "Which sounds ungrateful I know." Nate said looking around at the room full of people.

"I think it sounds about right." "You never asked for all this." "It just sort of happened over time before you realized it all these people you never met were completely invested in your life." "It can be really shell shocking." "Luckily for the both of us." "We can slip out of here and actually do something fun."

Raina said extending her hand to him. As he smiled and took her hand. While they left the party, and go into his car. Getting lost in the world around them.

"This was one of the greatest weddings I've ever been to." Serena said. Hugging her brother. As the three of them went out to celebrate before the pair left for their honeymoon.

Looking around at the sunset and people walking to and from going on about their lives. Serena felt a hand on her shoulder.

"What do you think Serena.?" "Chinese or Italian.?" He asked her.

"Either one." "And remember I'm paying." "You lovebirds enjoy this little afterpart of ours." She said smiling as they all walked inside.

Hours later

After hugging and waving them goodbye Serena was back in her car and driving around the almost empty California streets.

Almost home now. She took advantage and got home quickly.

The in her legs had gotten worse then it was this morning.

And tightness in her joints made driving somewhat more exhausting.

Carefully getting out of her car. She walked slowly up the stairs and into her house. Gently shutting the door behind her. Wanting to walk up the stairs.

But instead went on the couch and laid down there.

Closing her eyes. As tears silently fell and she didn't know why.

Hours later

Awake now she got out her phone and called Blair. Enjoying hearing her friend's voice. As she noticed herself counting her breaths. Silently worrying about that. Choosing to not focus on it at the moment. She attempted to grab her cup off the table in front of her and it fell on top of the pillows surrounding her. Having lost track of the conversation. She hung up. And decided she wouldn't sit here any longer. And started to get up. Attempting to be as careful as she could. Not wanting to trip again like she had done earlier.

As the notification sound from her phone turned her attention. She carefully picked up it and looked to see what it was. And realized she had a missed call. From an unknown number.

Nate knew Raina had done all she could to get him out of his funk. But what he needed right now was to be alone. So, he hugged her goodbye and thanked her got into his car and drove.

Once he was home. He stared at his walls the fullness with the color and pictures. As he threw his keys in the dish by the door. And slammed his mail on the end table.

Scrolling through his contacts. His finger landed on Serena's name.

Feeling a rush a nostalgia he clicked on her name. And put the phone to his ear.

Listening to ring. As he quickly ended the call. And lowered the volume on his phone.

What was he thinking. He had already called before and got no response.

He needed to take the hint. And stop calling.

The calendar reminder on his phone started to chime as he looked at it.

His heart clinching. Looking at his past words. Tomorrow was Serena's birthday.

Taking a breath as he started to walk upstairs to bed.

Attempting to avoid the gift and card he got for her in his closet.

Along with ring case he stuffed down in the bottom of his drawer.

…..


	30. Chapter 30

**Apart By More Than Words**

 **Chapter 30**

 _And all in an instant, everything changes. We leave the past behind and speed toward the unknown. Our future. We set out for far away places and try to find our self. Or try to lose ourselves. Exploring pleasures closer to home. The problems start when we refuse to let change happen, and cling to old habits. But if we hold on to the past too tight, the future may never come._

Serena took one last look at herself in the mirror.

Yesterday a rougher day by the end. But today she felt okay.

Blair had sent her a dress to wear and said to be ready by a certain time.

Because she had arranged for a car service to pick her up.

So she took a breath and put a smile on her face.

It would be a memorable evening. Knowing Blair, she had tricks up her sleeve.

Serena thought to herself as she walked out her door carefully down the steps.

Not wanting to ruin her dress. Opening her front door, she was met by a man in a tuxedo.

Looking at him as he smiled and walked over to her. "Ms. Woodsen." "Follow me please." He said as he opened the limousine door.

In shock. Serena followed him. Carefully climbing inside. This is incredible." Serena thought to herself looking around. Noticing she wasn't alone.

"Chuck what are you doing here.?" Serena said surprised as she hugged him lightly.

"You know the words party, Limousine, and Serena, have a very special place in my heart." Chuck said smiling at her. "

"Happy 30th birthday Sis.!" Chuck said offering her a glass of a sprinkling beverage.

"Thank you brother." "This was such a surprise." Serena said as she glanced out the window. And started to speak. "Do you have any idea what Blair has planned." I ask him curious.

"Nope. I'm just along for the ride." Chuck said.

As he and Serena talked about their lives and what was currently happening. While the limo made a final stop as they got out of the car. The driver tipping his hat to them.

Serena looked around in awe of the beauty that surrounded. Staring up at the tall building in front of her. Chuck paying the driver and waving goodbye as he drove off.

"So do you know where we are.?" Chuck asked smiling as he looked at her.

"Of course the plaza hotel." Serena said happily as they started to walk up the stairs and get into the building. Getting on the elevator as the doors eventually opened.

Where they see, Blair waiting for them at the end of the hallway. Walking towards her.

As she smiled brightly. Hugging Serena tightly. Then quickly kissing Chuck.

Then started to speak.

"So how did you like your surprise S.?" "A limo, And a side of Chuck Bass." "And that is only the beginning of your magical night." Blair said smiling as she looked at her.

"I was so surprised. And Chuck is always welcomed."

Serena said looking to him.

"Let's get inside the party needs its star." Blair said clasping her hands together.

As she got on the other side of Serena and the doors opened.

They walked inside slowly. Wanting to allow Serena to see all the details and decorations, personal touches that had been handpicked and decided to help celebrate this day.

Serena looked at Blair then Chuck. "This is too much." "It's perfect." "Thank you both." Serena said tears threatening to fall from her eyes. Of pure happiness.

"You deserve this Serena." "And so much more." "We will go mingle." "You take it in." "Just how much we all love you." Blair said.

Taking Serena's hand and holding it with her own as she squeezed it gently.

Then took Chuck's waiting and as they started to walk into the crowd of people.

Taking a breath as she started to walk around. Noticing the splashes of color. Mixture of the black and white film period she loved and the 80's and 70's vibe. Along with the fashions of past and present.

Ending off with a feeling of family and friendship that that made her heart ache with appreciation and gratefulness.

Taking a closer look at the picture collage on the center wall.

She noticed childhood photos of herself and Blair. Along with photos from high school. And pictures with family members. In the middle of it all a photo of the four of them.

On top of it was titled _the non – Judging breakfast club_ Seeing that brought tears to her eyes. She looked away then gently touched the photo.

Ready to see more of the party she prepared herself to look around more.

Hearing a voice close to her ear and feeling a hand on shoulder. She stopped in tracks.

"It feels like it just happened." "All of us together." "Facing the unknown." "I miss that." "The security of knowing we had each other." The voice said as Serena gently turned around.

"Nate." She said softly. Not wanting to look him in the eyes. Fighting the temptation to ask him anything.

"Hello Serena." He said gently. As he went in front of her so they were face to face.

His face flushed being in the same room.

As the woman, he let go and never stopped loving. Stared back at him.

His breath catching as their eyes locked. Pausing as he tried to find the words.

Her face still trying to not let him see just how affected his simple presence brought to her.

"We should talk." "I need to explain." Nate said carefully.

"We have nothing to discuss." "Now if you will excuse me Mr. Archibald I have a birthday to celebrate." Serena said. Looking away. Moving herself away from his touch.

As he turned her and started to speak.

"If that's true why can't you even look at me.?" He asked her. Secretly holding his breath. Afraid of her answer.

Shaking her head unwilling to give into him.

As she answered. "I meant what I said." "I will not be a fool again." Serena said taking a breath as she started to walk off.

Her heart stopping as she felt his hand slip into hers.

Intertwining their fingers. As his hand went to her face.

So, they were face to face.

His voice shaky and full of emotion as he began to speak.

…

 **Author's Note: The confrontation you have all been waiting for. Your thoughts on everything. In the reviews.**

 **See you in the next chapter.**


	31. Chapter 31

**Apart By More Than Words**

 **Chapter 31**

 _You Broke me_

 _You broke my heart_

 _And I hate you_

 _Because I still love you_

 _And I hate myself even more for it._

Taking a breath as I took my hand away from his. Quickly as if it was a fire and I almost burned myself. Trying to look away. Stomping my foot on the ground. Telling myself I will not cry and let him see how deep and rooted the pain he caused me goes. Instead I just look at him. Wondering why I thought putting everything out there was some kind of guarantee.

His eyes not leaving mine. He pauses. Trying to collect himself.

"I was wrong and I lead you on to believe that it was all okay and I could handle it to be honest from the minute you told me about your condition I felt this change and shift." "And I couldn't describe it."

"Now I know what it is." "Fear for the fact that a happy life would be taken from you." "And knowing that you would do anything to make sure nothing changed."

"Even when everything about the way you went about it would."

"For everything I said about us as people and a couple." "Was the worst thing I could have done."

"None of it was a mistake." "Giving us a chance.' "Loving you was the easiest and most alive thing I have done in my life. And I would do it all over again."

"Because meeting up at the wedding." "Resulting in the most beautiful night of my entire life." "And waking up to the woman I've wanted to spend my life with.

From the first time, I saw her throw her head back laughing and she smiled at me." "Me being yours from that moment and only growing as time has gone on."

"I love you so much." "I'm not complete without you my life is basically going through the motions."

"I'm fumbling around in the dark because my sun is gone." Nate said as his voice broke. As he looked away.

"I took my hand and put it on his face." Bringing him closer to me. Our eyes locked again as I started to speak.

"It would be so easy for me to just run into your arms and act like what happened didn't and that we could move on and be okay." "But the truth is it's not simple I was shattered for months.

"My hearing your name and seeing you on TV sent an ache to my chest that never seemed to end."

"I loved and trusted you more than anyone."

"I'm never going to love that way again.

I can't it hurts too much."

"My focus is myself and making sure I make good use of my days from the minute I'm awake to the second I got to sleep."

"I don't want to cry and be angry or upset."

"I just want to be happy."

"I don't know if I see us as a part of a future that fits together."

"We jumped."

I fell on the floor." "You had your arms open for someone else."

"It's not that I don't love you."

"I just don't think that can be enough anymore."

Serena said while she wiped her eyes.

And walked away into the crowd of party goers.

Nate feeling his heart drop and a lump in his throat.

He couldn't bare the thought of another day without her.

Nate thought to himself as he started to go after her.

... **See you next chapter. :}**


	32. Chapter 32

**Apart By More Than Words**

 **Chapter 32**

 _Just because we can't be together doesn't mean I don't love you._

The party went on and Serena had the time of her life. Talking and laughing as we all shared memories and stories from our histories with her. You could see the happiness glowing from within her. And the light that reentered in her eyes.

Time eventually ran out and the party ended. People waved and hugged goodbye. Took last minute snap shots of moments they wanted to remember.

At last it was just Serena. Taking a mental snapshot of every single moment that took place tonight. Her heart overflowing. She was blessed with family and friends that loved and valued her.

She made her through the entire night without night without wanting a drink. Okay fine after that meet up with Dan she felt like she could of drank a shot and whole bottle of something. That was more than intense and emotional.

She felt completely caught off guard and angry at him for thinking a bunch of words, a declaration of love, and pint up emotion would fix what been broken. Aside from my heart. The trust that I had in him. The foundation of our friendship I thought we were building. It leaves me to wonder. Were we ever really friends.? Or was he just always waiting for Dan to mess up and lose me so he could have his chance.? I need to stop this now more over analyzing. No need to ruin a perfect night. Serena said.

As she walked over to the photo collage and snapped a picture of the four of them. Smiling as she looked down at the photo. She saved it and put her phone away.

Beginning to slowly walk down the stairs. Taking a look at the stars.

On the way to her car. She felt a hand on her shoulder. As she turned around.

"Nate what is it.?" "I'm on my way home." Serena said looking at him.

"I didn't get to give you your birthday present."

"So I'm giving it to you now." Nate said to her. Handing her a bag.

Serena took it from his hand.

And decided to sit on the nearest bench she could find.

To unveil the present. She knew that she could just wait until she got home.

But she was curious and wanted to know now. So, she sat down and waved her hand so Nate could come and sit with her.

Once he was seated next to her. Serena excitedly began opening the present.

Taking out the wrapping paper.

And carefully removing the contents of the bag.

Tears welling up in her eyes. As she looked at him.

"I need to go home." "Thank you."

"I hope you find your true love." She says looking at him.

As she started to get off the bench. He took her hand.

Put his hand on her face and brought her face closer to his.

"I'm already looking into her eyes." He said gently caressing her face.

As he leaned over and kissed her.

Sending shock waves and warmth. Mixing with feelings of want and confusion.

As she broke the kiss.

"I can't." "We need to move on." "I'm in love with you." Serena said to him.

"I wish it could be that easy." "But we're different now." "Maybe you were right." "We rushed into this." "Maybe it was a mistake." Serena said to him.

Watching the expression on his face change.

"Don't discard everything because of how it ended."

"What we have." "Had is real."

"We want the same things and a future together."

"I ruined us." "And I'm sorry for that."

"I regret that every day as well as staying away."

Nate said looking at her.

"I've never let myself really depend on people and let them in."

"But you saw through every single attempt I had at hiding myself."

"And showed yourself to me." "letting me know the sides of you."

"That were raw and undiscovered." "Or that left you scarred and haunted."

"Searching for a love that would be requited."

"Only to find another lost soul giving herself to people she knew."

"Would never love her and treat her well."

"As she numbed herself with Substances."

"I found a soul mate in you." "And that has only grown in every way."

Serena said touching his face with hand.

"I'm scared of much I want and need you." Serena said as she looked into his eyes.

"Then don't fight it." "Let me be who I should have been."

"And love and cherish you for the rest of my life." Nate says kissing her again.

"I miss him so much." Serena thought to herself.

As she pulled him closer to her.

….


	33. Chapter 33

**Apart By More Than Words**

 **Chapter 33**

 _They say waking up is hard to do. Especially when you're not alone_

Turning on the light by his end table in the bedroom. Brought in just enough light so he could see her face. Fast asleep. Caressing her face gently with his hand. He understood now more than ever. How right she had been.

Their love was not easy and simple. But it was a part of them consuming their every thought and action in regards to each other and their together. She never gave up on him even when he deserved to lose her.

Her grace and strength. Timeless beauty. And ability to build him up when he needed it. Being in complete control over her professional life. Then at home the playfulness and love. She displayed countless times with him and their children.

Made him feel so humbled and unworthy of this life he had be given. But then she turns to him. He wraps his arms around her. They're eyes lock and it's just the two of them.

Kissing her cheek as he gently leaned over. She started to stir and open her eyes. Smiling at him sleepily. As she touched his face with her hand.

"I thought you were asleep." She said tilting her head as she looked at him.

"I was but I woke up and thought I might as well check on the kids." "They were fine fast asleep." "Then came back up and got back into bed. And just couldn't shut my mind off." Chuck said to her.

"What can't you get off your mind." Blair asked him as she sat up. And faced him.

"You." Chuck said smiling at her.

"If that's the case what else is new." Blair said jokingly. As she took his hand.

"But really is there something you need to talk about.?" Blair asked him.

"I've been thinking lately we have so much." "Between each other and our kids. And our families." "I want to at least discuss the possibility of bringing a new person into our family."

"A child or a teenager." "Someone who is in need of all the blessings we have and could truly benefit from our life and experiences." Chuck told her.

"Wow." "You want to adopt.?" Blair said surprised at his admission.

"Yea I do." "If you think it's completely out there then we can forget it." Chuck said to her.

"I think you are an incredibly loving, gentle, strong, man." "I get to know and love and keeping falling in love with this side of you along with everything else as a person you are. "a child or teenager who be really lucky to have us as parents and our kids as siblings."

"I love you." "Let's have a family meeting us and the kids and we'll see what they think."

"As if my heart couldn't beat for you more." She said kissing him. As he quickly turned out the light.

I know what you're thinking. I could have just left after she opened the present and we shared all those feelings. And that thought crossed my mind. Hearing her be so honest and open about how she felt. Only made me want her more. To be even closer to her. More importantly to solidify my place in her life and her heart.

I kissed her. I didn't expect her to kiss me back. To pull me closer to her.

She wanted me to.

In that moment.

I didn't want to think.

I just wanted to lose myself in her.

And have her lose herself in me to.

By the time we ended up back at my place.

I couldn't even focus on anything else.

But my fast beating heart and that look in her eyes.

Cupping her face in my eyes. I kissed her one more time.

And then caught my breath. As I told her we had to stop.

The expression on her face changed. My heart beat started to slow.

As I continued. To speak.

It took all the self-control I had to break that kiss.

I want us. More importantly I need you to know.

That this connection between us that only seems to thicken.

The more we ignore it and try to make it seem less than it is.

Means more to me than anything else that I've ever dedicated.

My heart and time too. But I heard you. Everything you said.

Which is why you have to go. If we were to spend the night together.

Now you would regret it in the morning and any progress we made tonight.

Would be erased. You go home. Get some sleep.

Enjoy the rest your birthday night.

And take the time you need to heal. From everything I caused you.

I'm in love with you too. Which I'm letting you go.

I don't want to hurt you anymore. Be happy. Find it and hold on to it.

Nate said as he walked her door.

She wiped her eyes.

And went down the steps. Carefully getting into her car.

As he watched her drive away through the window.

Turning out the remaining light in his room. Closing the door behind her.

His heart breaking.

In his mind knowing she was right.

Regardless of what he felt.

…


	34. Chapter 34

**Apart By More Than Words**

 **Chapter 34**

 _When you do finally get what you want, the problem is there's always someone that's trying to take it away. And all that wanting makes us blind to the fact that things aren't exactly what we think they are. Maybe it's better sometimes to just get what you need._

"So you just let her leave.?" Chuck said to him. As Nate finished telling Chuck about last night's events while they had lunch.

"Nate have I taught you nothing.?" "Over these many years of friendship."

"A woman's heart is not to be toyed with." "Trust me I've done my fair share of that and it has never ended well." Chuck said to him while he finished his drink.

"I was trying to prevent her from hurting anymore." "We rushed into things the first time." "And then everything just got complicated." Nate said to him.

"Or maybe you just ran scared because you couldn't stand the thought of her deteriorating and in pain not being able to do anything to stop it." "Unless you're not being as honest with her or yourself as you should be." Chuck said to him and he looked him in the eyes.

"What are you trying to get at Chuck.?" Nate asked. "That friend of yours Raina." "What's the story with you two.?" Chuck asked him curious.

"There is no story there we're friends." Nate said as he attempted to finish his lunch.

Feeling Chuck's eyes on him. He looked up and started to talk.

"I can feel you judging me." Nate said as looked at him.

"There was a time when Raina and I were more than friends." "But I moved on." "And she has to there is nothing between us except friendship and history. Nate said facing him again.

"I'm not judging you." "It's just." Chuck began to say.

"We've been friends for years." "Your practically family." "But Serena is my sister and I can't stand seeing her hurt again especially because of you." "Given her health and everything." "I'm going to keep being supportive of her." "And being a friend to you." "Make up your mind. "That woman has more in mind than just friendship and I don't think she cares who she hurts as long as she gets you." Chuck said to him.

"Let's get out here." Chuck said as he started for the door.

While Nate paid the bill. And followed him out.

"So do you think that there is a possibility."

"For a future between you and Nate.?"

Blair asked Serena as they ate milk and cookies.

In the kitchen while the kids played in the playroom.

Nearby with an open door.

As Serena looked up at her.

"Honestly I don't know."

"One day he's telling me he loves me and wants a future together."

"The next minute he's telling me to leave and to find my happiness."

"I can't figure out his mixed signals." "And I do have my own life." "You and Chuck, Those beautiful kids, My brother and his new family." Serena said to her.

"All true." "But I think you need to honestly ask yourself."

"What you want." "Because I can see just by mentioning his name."

"You react." "Go with your heart."

"Whatever happens I'll be here for you."

"You love him." "Just be happy." "Don't focus on anything else."

Blair said as she hugged her friend tightly.

"Thanks B." "I'm going to do exactly that." Serena said.

As she hugged her friend back.

And got up to leave.

"I'm going to Nate's."

"Time to stop thinking and over analyzing.

And just tell him what's in my heart." Serena said.

As she waved goodbye.

"Tell me everything." "All the details." Blair said.

As she smiled and waved back. Going outside and getting into her car.

"Raina we should talk." "About us." Nate said to her.

As they sat across from each other at the coffee shop.

"After all this time you remember my coffee order." She said smiling at him.

Grasping her hand around the cup and she closed her eyes.

Breathed in the mouthwatering aroma and drank.

Carefully putting down the cup as she looked up. Facing him.

"What we had was a long time ago." "And we are friends now."

Nate said as he looked at her.

"I still remember your lips on mine."

"The way you said my name like it was oxygen to your lungs."

"The warmth of your arms wrapped around me."

"While the sun came up."

" And whispered quietly in my ear as we fell asleep."

"It's not history for me just on pause."

"Tell me in all this time.

Especially as we've reconnected."

"That you haven't wondered what it would be like."

"To be together and have nothing in our way."

"Building our life together."

Raina said putting her hand on his face.

"Rai." "Of course I have." "But Serena." Nate said to her.

"Didn't you just finish telling me that you let her go."

"And before that you poured your heart out to her."

"And she rejected you again." "Let's finish up here and go somewhere."

"That we can be alone." "Without all these distractions."

Raina said slipping her hand into his.

As Nate's phone started to ring.

His heart jumping as he saw the name on the id.

 _Serena_ the name flashing in front of his eyes.

As he looked up at Raina. And started to speak.

…

 **Author's note: Now you know the history between Raina and Nate. What do you think the future holds for Nate and Serena? Thoughts on the Chuck and Nate conversation? Give me your input I love reading them.**

 **As always see you next chapter:}**


	35. Chapter 35

**Apart By More Than Words**

 **Chapter 35**

 _Some stories open the door for something more. And then there are fairytale endings where the girl gets her prince. And endings that turn you introspective about your own life and your place in the world. And then there's the ending that you saw coming a mile away, and yet somehow still takes you by surprise._

Nate looked into her eyes. Paused before he spoke. Raina I have not a single regret about our time together. You made me feel like I mattered and was important.

Simply being in the same room was enough whether we were close in proximity our trying to cool down after a fight avoiding each other's gaze.

You were my first love.

I saw possibility and hope that gave me the strength to grow as a person and become hopefully better than I was then.

I know that there is a guy out there.

Just waiting to have his world torn open.

With a heart that is willing and ready to love you.

But that person is no longer me. Nate said.

As he removed his hand from hers.

Kissing her cheek gently. As he got up to leave.

With tears in her eyes. She looked back at him. And spoke slowly.

"You really believe that.?"

"There is someone out there for me to." She asked him.

"Completely I wasn't sure of it before."

"Then I met Serena and knew that it was a fact."

Nate said as he looked back at her one last time.

Before he left the coffee shop.

And got into his car. Closing his door.

Then began to call Serena.

The phone ringing once then twice.

As he heard her voice. His heart leaping.

"Hi I'm sorry I didn't pick up before."

"Do you want to talk about something or want to meet up somewhere.?"

He asked her. A smile coming across his face.

"Yes I want to talk and meet me at your house." Serena said

"I'll be there in a matter of minutes." Nate said to her.

Sometime later.

He was at his house parking the car in his parking lot.

As he spotted Serena's car. His heart quickly began to race.

Walking up the steps as he saw her.

A smile on her face. Warmth in her eyes.

While he opened the door, and watched her walk inside as he walked in behind her closing the door behind them. Locking it quickly. His gaze refocused on her.

As she started to speak. Looking into his eyes.

"I don't want to waste anymore time."

"The life I'm living now is good and I'm blessed to have people I love and who love me back.

But the only person I want to share it with and make new memories and moments with is you."

"If you can't see yourself spending your life and building a future together with me."

"Then tell me now."

"I am so in love with you."

"I didn't think my heart could hold it all." Serena said.

As she looked in to his eyes.

Touching her face with his hand.

He brought her closer to him as he started speak.

"You are the other part of me."

"My love and admiration for you grows every single day."

"I find the definition of beauty, courage, and hope."

"With every conversation, interaction, touch and smile."

"You show me what it means to live and love with every breath I have."

"I can't begin to express my humbleness and gratefulness to have been a part of your life."

"I'm in love with you too."

"Now, Then, Until the end of my life. "He said to her.

As he started to tear up.

And looked away.

Gently letting go of her face.

Then started to walk into the other room.

A few minutes later coming back out.

Taking her hand as they walked out to the balcony.

And he looked out at the view. Then back at her.

As he began to kneel on one knee and started to speak.

"Serena van der Woodsen." "Will you marry me.?" He asked her.

Shock and surprise. Took over her face. As tears started to fall from her.

"Yes." "Nate I love you so much of course." Serena said.

He slipped the ring on her finger. Got up and whipped away tears.

Taking her in his arms. As he kissed her. Carrying her inside.

Laid her down on the bed in front of him. Stared in her eyes.

"Tonight is the beginning of the rest of our lives."

"And right now my priority is looking back at me."

"Making you happy and loving you."

"Is all that matters."

"I love you."

"Every beat of my heart and kiss and touch."

"Will show you that." He said to her.

As he leaned down reconnecting their lips.

…..

 **Author's Note: Serena and Nate thoughts on everything? Is it the end of Raina? Thank you all for your support. Let me know what you think and what you see happening next for everyone in this story.**

 **See you next chapter :}**


	36. Chapter 36

**Apart By More Than Words**

 **Chapter 36**

 _If there's one thing I've learned, it's that there would be no gossip without secrets. You might be brave enough to reveal your secret only to have it used against you. Or someone else's secret might effect you in unexpected ways. There are some secrets you're only too happy to keep. Others surface only to be buried away deeper than they were before. But the most powerful secrets are the truths you thought you could never reveal. That once spoken change everything_

In the morning

Looking over at him. I almost couldn't hold back my tears.

I was given this life and these people I loved and my family and friends.

This incredible man who loved me as much as he possibly could.

How were we going to go about this life together?

When my health was declining.

More than I let on.

I didn't want people to be worrying and cautious around me.

Giving that sympathetic but well-meaning look. Whenever I was around.

I'm scared but I've braced myself for this. I can't wake up in the morning.

And pretend that is a nightmare. What will happen when I can't walk or speak or feed myself. What could of existence will he be left with. How fair is that to him.? And if we were to have a child who would need and depend on us for everything.

He would have everything on his shoulders. I can't do that to him. I won't.

Serena thought to herself as she looked at the ring on her finger.

Her hand shaking. She quickly laid it back down. And whipped her eyes.

Smiling as she heard his voice.

"Hey your up." He said turning to face. As he touched her face. Smiling at her.

"You are even more beautiful first thing in morning."

"I am luckiest man in the world."

He said as he leaned over and kissed her softly.

Taking notice of her face. As he wiped her eyes.

"Are you crying.?" He asked concerned.

"I was I'm so happy."

"I can't wait to be Mrs. Serena Archibald." She said kissing him back.

"Hey." "What's wrong.?" "Something going on that head of yours." "I can sense it." He said looking into her eyes.

"I want to get married soon." "I want us to have a baby." "I want to have everything you've ever wanted." She said tearing up.

"I have that is all I've ever wanted." He said back to her.

"But especially a baby." "Someone to love." "Who will love you back." "You will be a wonderful father." "A hand to hold." "A person to build memories with and share a life." "A piece of you and me." "So you won't be alone." "Something to remember me by." She said looking away.

"I don't to have remember you."

"Your right here."

"And you're not going anywhere for a long time."

Nate said as held her face in his hands.

"That is the only guarantee I can give you."

"Please let me give you that." She said looking into his eyes.

 _Flashback_

" _I never expected to be sitting across from you."_

 _The person said looking into Serena's eyes._

" _Look I'm only doing this because I love him."_

 _Serena said as she looked back at the person._

" _Hey you will get no argument from me on that."_

" _All I'm going to tell you is that I'm sick I have a condition."_

" _As time goes on I'm going to worsen." "And Nate being who he is."_

" _Will stay by my side." "Even if it means sacrificing what he wants."_

" _Which is why I'm here today." "I need to know that when I die."_

" _Nate will still have someone to love and build a family with you."_

" _You stay apart of his life."_

" _Be there for him."_

" _Make sure he lives a happy full life with a woman who loves him."_

 _Serena said wiping her eyes._

" _That is a guarantee I can easily follow up on."_

 _Raina said smiling at her._

" _He can never know of this conversation." Serena said to her._

" _My lips are sealed. Raina said as they left the room one after the other._

…..

 **Author's Note: The twists and turns continue. Let me know your thoughts, comments, predictions, In the reviews. As always your support is so important as well as your input I read and take into account every review. So be honest.**

 **See you next chapter :]**


	37. Chapter 37

**Apart By More Than Words**

 **Chapter 37**

 _It's often said that, no matter the truth, people see what they want to see. Some people might take a step back and find out they were looking at the same big picture all along. Some people might see that their lies have almost caught up to them. Some people may see what was there all along. And then there are those other people. The ones that run as far as they can so they don't have to look at themselves._

Weeks later

"So you've finally resurfaced after days of no communication."  
"I take it the talk with Nate went well.?" Blair asked her.

While they laid out in her backyard. Under the shade of the patio.

The sun bright and sky full of clouds.

As Serena started to answer.

"I guess you can say it went well." Serena said smiling as showed off her hand with her ring.

"Yes finally." "My mystic love story finally has a happy ending." Blair happily. As she hugged Serena tightly.

Serena hugged her back. The smile hurting her face.

"So tell me everything how did he do it.?" "Did you cry.?" "When in is it.?" Blair asked excitedly.

"Slow down B you'll waste all the caffeine high before I can answer." Serena said smiling at her.

"It was at his place on the balcony." "We had just poured our hearts out to each other." "And he took my hand lead me out there got down on one knee."

"And asked." "It was perfect." Serena said as she thought back to that moment.

"And how did you celebrate.?" Blair asked.

"We basically shut the rest of the world out for a while." Serena said as blushed.

"I'm beyond happy for you S." "The both of you really deserve this."

"I can't wait for this wedding." "With my ideas and connections."

"It's going to be a dream come true from beginning to end." Blair said to her.

"I'm overstepping and planning in my head." "I haven't even asked you what your vision is for the wedding.?" Blair said to her.

Putting her hand on Blair's as she started to speak.

"I love and appreciate you and your ideas and everything."

"I want simple and understated." "Just color and personal."

"Outdoors." "Have fun and not to have worry about the noise."

"I want pictures and music and just anything else you think

Would be nice."

Serena said to her.

"We should get dress shopping." "Me, you, Jenny, Dortha," Blair said.

"Sure." "I'm open to going to some places." "It's still surreal that we're really engaged."

Serena said to her.

"I remember that." "It'll hit you when you find the right dress and when you're actually walking down the aisle." Blair said smiling with fondness.

"We haven't picked a date yet so there is some time." Serena said to her.

"I'm even more excited to be aunt Blair." "Have you two talked about kids at all.?" Blair asked.

"Yea there's been a conversation." Serena said.

"Onto you're growing family." "How's the adoption process.?"

"It's way more than we thought." "But it's really humbling to have this kind of opportunity being able to truly make someone's life better and enrich our own life with this new person." "I can't wait to start meeting kids and all of that." Blair said excitedly.

"The two of you are going to do great your already amazing parents." Serena said to her.

"Cheers to joining the family Nate." Chuck said as he clinked his glass with his Nate's as they drank.

"There is more going on than what she's telling me." Nate said to him.

"Why do you say that.?" Chuck asked.

"A conversation we had." Nate said to him.

"Maybe your reading too much into it." Chuck said.

"She's a lot more emotional these days."

"But she's still the same person."

Chuck said to him.

" _I want you to have something to remember me by."_

The words ringing in his mind.


	38. Chapter 38

**Apart By More Than Words**

 **Chapter 38**

 _The question of whether we can fight fate will always remain a mystery._

"I was thinking we should move." "This place has been great."

"But it's only really for one person." "With us getting married and everything." "We need a home." Nate said looking to her.

"I completely agree with that idea." Serena said back to him.

As they continued their breakfast.

The memory of her words lingering in his memory.

While they finished up. And he paused then looked into her eyes.

Unsure if he wanted to bring up anything.

That would disrupt their peaceful morning.

She turned to him and looked into his eyes.

Removing her head from his chest taking her hand from his.

As the two of them laid comfortably on the couch.

Enjoying the presence of the other.

As she started to speak.

Her eyes on him.

Smiling. As she spoke.

"What is it.?" "I know you want to ask me something."

"So go right ahead.?" "You have my full attention."

Serena said as she looked in his eyes.

"The recent talk about kids we had." "You had said."

"You wanted me to have something of you to remember you by."

"And I just can't stop seeing your face."

"And wondering what you really meant by those words."

"When I tried to bring up the other day you started to bring up."

"The wedding so I turned my focus to that." "I need some clarification."

"Why would you say that as if you're not going to be around.?"

Nate asked her.

They're eyes locked.

He noticed tears welling up." "In her eyes."

"It's a touchy subject you for me given everything." "That has happened."

Serena said as she attempted to change the direction of the conversation.

"Audrey is looking more like Blair every day."

"And Henry is such a little gentleman."

"And so protective over her." "It is the cutest thing." Serena said smiling. As she remembered witnessing their bond first hand.

How it reminded her. Of her brother and herself in their younger years.

"There is definitely more to it than that." Nate said as he faced her again.

"Fine we'll talk about it." "Eventually in matter of years."

"I'm going to die." "And I just want you to prepare yourself."

"Time will go by quicker than we would ever imagine."

"And you're going to wish you never agreed to any of this."

Serena said as she looked at him.

"We can't think so negatively." "Every case is different."

"You are going to be okay." "I regret nothing when it comes to you."

"You've been strong for me." "This time I have to be the one to keep you."

"Motivated and positive and in a good mindset." "Who cares what the odds say." "You are fearless." "The strongest person I know."

"I fall more in love with you by the day." "Let's not focus."

"On the what if let's just enjoy the right now."

Nate said to her as he took her hand.

"We have house shopping to do." Nate said happily.

As they walked over to the computer.

Sometime later

"He can't even utter the words Chuck." Serena told him.

As they roasted marshmallows outside.

While kids finished setting up their sleeping bags for a night of camping.

In their backyard.

"S." "He loves you so much."

"He doesn't want to even think about the possibility of you being gone."

"And I understand that I have my own feelings in regards to all of this."

"But let me tell you now."

"We are here for you both."

"As much and anytime you need it."

Chuck said to her. Taking her in his arms.

"Thank you brother." Serena said as she hugged him back.

They continued to talk and enjoy the innocence of the kids.

And the warmth of the fire around them.

Ending the night with scary stories.

As Serena quietly kissed the kids' goodbye.

And walked out to her car. Hugging Chuck goodbye."

As he walked her out. While she paused at the front.

Of her car door. Turning to him.

So, they were face to face.

"I have a question to ask you." Serena said to him.

"Sure ask away." Chuck said back to her.

"I was wondering if you would walk me down the aisle."

"At the wedding.?" Serena asked him.

Emotion now visible on his face.

"I would be honored Serena." Chuck said.

"Thanks Chuck." Serena said squeezing his hand.

While she got into her car. And he watched her take off.

….


	39. Chapter 39

**Apart By More Than Words**

 **Chapter 39**

 _the only thing more shocking than the truth are the lies people tell to cover it up._

Weeks later

"Out of all the places we've been to today."

"This shop is the best."

"They have a rich full history of celebrity clients."

"You will find your dress today." Blair said as she sat down with Dortha.

While Serena went to the fitting room with one of the people who worked there.

"We hope you enjoy your experience at our store."

"Ms. Woodsen." The woman said almost in awe of her.

"Me and my family have really appreciated your kindness and not making a big deal out of our celebrity." "And its Serena." She said smiling at her.

"Okay Serena here are a couple options based off what you told me.

Let me know if I can do anything else. The woman said as she walked out and waited behind the door.

Hours later

"Nate is going to not know what to feel first when he sees you in that dress." Blair said to her. As she hugged her goodbye.

"Thank you inviting me along Ms. Serena." Dortha said shyly.

"You are more than welcome." "And make sure you leave your calendar open."

"There will be a seat for you and a guest at the wedding." Serena said smiling back as she hugged her quickly.

Waving goodbye as they got back into their car and drove home.

Getting into her own car. Closing her door. As she got her keys. And attempted to start her car her arm was paralyzed in place. Deciding to wait a few minutes.

Then after taking a breath. She tried again. A wave of relief washed over her.

As she slowly made her way home.

Trying to avoid busy streets in case it happened again.

Once she was in the driveway. She started to laugh.

Dropping her keys on the seat next to her. That lasting awhile.

She looked at herself in the mirror and noticed her tear stained cheeks.

Shaking her head as she started to walk up the stairs.

Opening the front door. And seeing Nate sitting on the couch waiting for her.

She slowly walked over and smiled at him. Taking a seat next to him.

As she started to talk. "How was your day.?" She asked curious.

"Great I went to dinner with Chuck we had some drinks." "Earlier on in the day I took another look at that house you liked."

"The 3 bedrooms 4 bath house with the incredible garden and beautiful balcony." "Called the realtor and said the place is pretty much ours."

"Which got me really excited." "For our future." Nate said looking to her.

"Why do I sense a but coming.?" Serena said to him.

"I got a call from Raina today." "In a rush a of words and mumbles."

"She told me the two of you had met up." "At first I thought she was just trying to find a way to talk to me but then there was more."

He said as he looked in her eyes.

"She told me you had basically gave her permission to have me."

"Marry me and build this fucking fairy tale life with a woman."

"Who I had already told that I wanted no part of because."

"I love you and that is where my future lies"

"After hearing all of this as if it wasn't enough."

"She ends the conversation telling me you told her."

"That I can never know about your secret meeting."

"Now after absorbing all of that I thanked her and hung up."

"I couldn't stand to be rude to her."

"When the woman I'm planning to marry has no problem."

"Lying to me and making me believe you actually want a future together."

Nate said to her.

"Let me explain." Serena said as she turned and faced him.

"You don't seem to get it or want to face reality."

"I'm not going to here in 5 to 10 years." "You can't even form the words."

She said looking at him. Tears beginning to blur her eyes.

"So because I refuse to give up you think it's okay to plan my future." Nate said to her.

"It's not about you not giving up." "This is about you not coming to terms."

"With the fact that there is no happily ending at the end of our story."

"It is just life." "Cruel, honest, brutal, "I need you to see me and feel this."

She said putting his hand on her heart. As she spoke.

"One day a few years from now." "You are going to wake up." "And this will have stopped beating." "I will be gone." "And you are going to have to deal and feel every single emotion that comes with it." "I can't live my remaining time." "Thinking in the back of my head that." "After that you are going to grow old and bitter and miserable without me." "I love you too much." "To know that you'll let life pass you by." "If you want me to say I regret meeting with her I won't do it." "As much as I hate it." "I know you could be happy again with her and have a family." "And feel alive again." "Is there honestly no part of you that understands why I did it.?" She asks him.

Nate quickly taking his hand away. As he paused. Trying to calm himself. After he noticed he had been crying and wiped his tears with the back of his hand. Taking a breath. His body starting to slow. After it had been shaking. As if cold water was being thrown over him over and over.

A few minutes later

He looked up at her. And started to speak.

"Since I found out about all of this." "I've tried to show you."

"That it wouldn't matter and I would love and support you."

"Through all of it." "And yet now you've shown me again."

"You still don't believe me or trust me."

"When I tell you I'm not going anywhere."

"And yes it may be difficult for me." He said as he paused.

"For me to imagine you not here." "Because just the simple thought of it."

"Makes me want to crawl into myself and never come out."

"My life without you doesn't exist." "I can't go there."

"My mind goes blank." "I feel sick." "I literally feel my heart breaking."

"So no I don't understand why you did it." "If and when that happens."

"There is no new life for me." "When you have had the love of your life."

"Anything else is without meaning and substance."

He said looking into her eyes. Shaking his head.

"I'm going to bed." "I will see you tomorrow." Nate said as got up.

And walked up the stairs.

"I love you to." She said quietly. Tears following from her eyes.

As she took a breath and got up sat at the desk.

And picked out a pen and began to write.

…


	40. Chapter 40

**Apart By More Than Words**

 **Chapter 40**

 _We're not servants to our emotions_

 _We can control them._

 _Suppress them_

 _And stomp them out._

So much was said last night.

But we needed all of that out in the open.

In our own ways we've tried to make it seem like we're untouched.

As if this situation will spare us because of how much.

We love each other. And everything we've been through.

But none of immune to the uncertainties and unfairness.

That life hands us. We've talked to other people.

It felt good to be vulnerable and hurt with each other.

I want to nothing more than to spend every single day.

Holding her hand. Seeing her smile.

Getting lost in the love we have.

But I must share her and find comfort.

In knowing she's impacted us all. Who have entered her life.

And those who have yet to meet her are in for an awakening.

Nate thought to himself as he leaned over.

Taking a look at his sleeping wife to be.

Wanting to fulfill her dreams as well.

Quietly getting out of bed. Nate took his phone.

Walking slowly out of the room and down the steps.

As he called one of the first number's on his phone.

"Blair I have this plan and I need your help." Nate said.

While sat up and covered her mouth.

Trying to hold in her excitement as she listened.

Hours later

After waking up in bed alone this morning.

No note from Nate.

I take that as he's still really upset with me.

And I can't blame him.

I hope he's able to one day understand.

Serena thought to herself as she looked around the room.

I can't move to move into our new house.

And start the next chapter there.

Serena thought to herself happily.

As her phone started to ring.

A text with instructions.

Causing her to get out her seat and go upstairs.

Later on, in the day

She waited outside as the text had told her to.

"Blair what are you doing here.?" "And where has Nate been all day long.?" Serena asks.

As Blair does nothing but help her friend into the car.

And puts in her lap a blindfold.

"B.?" Serena questions picking up the object.

Blair turning to her and said "Put it on."

"I can't tell you anything else." Blair said.

Going to location after location.

Until the car finally stopped.

"Finally I can take this off." Serena started to say.

As Blair said "Nope." Putting it back on her eyes.

While she helped her out of the car.

And walked with her holding her arm.

As Serena heard murmurs and voices.

Until the next time she stood up and walked the blindfold was taken off her.

And she saw what was in front of her.

Tears welling up in her eyes. As she looked around.

Beautiful bouquets of flowers by the seats.

Pictures and moments captured hanging from trees limbs.

Lights giving way to the walkway. Littered with sunflowers.

In the seats were everyone she knew and loved.

As Blair took her hand. And walked to the back area.

Putting finishing touches. On her face and hair.

Hugging Blair tightly. Afterwards getting gifts.

From Blair, Doretha, and Jenny. Her emotions were everywhere by then.

Wiping her eyes as she thanked them all.

And got up carefully.

Hearing a knock at the door.

Opening it slowly.

A smile instantly finding a place on her face.

"Chuck." Serena said softly.

"Take my hand." "My beautiful sister." Chuck said.

As they walked slowly down and out the doors.

Taking a breath as she looked out smiling and waving.

To as many people as she could.

Looking up her heart almost bursting out of her chest.

Her gaze focused on Nate's smiling face.

As they joined hands and the minister started to speak

"We are gathered here today to witness the union."

"Of Nate Archibald and Serena van der Woodsen."

"If there is anyone who objects to this union."

"Speak now or forever hold your peace."

The minister said.

As the hopeful couple looked out to the crowd.

Not seeing any hands raised they continued.

Nate now beginning to speak.

"You have opened my mind and heart."

"To what it means to love without condition."

"To savor every moment."

"Especially with the people you love."

"I am fascinated, enriched, grateful, and humbled."

"Every time my name crosses your lips."

"I will love you and cherish our life together."

"As husband and wife with every breath and laugh and morning and night." "For as long as our forever last."

Wiping her eyes. As she found her words

"I have never know what I did in this life or my last."

"To deserve you." "But I am going to love and squeeze every second out of this gift of love that has been given to me."

"From this day forward to my last." Serena said looking in his eyes.

While the couple exchanged rings. The minister spoke again.

"By the power vested in me I now." "Pronounce you."

"Husband and wife." "You may now kiss the bride."

Wiping her tears away as he brought her close to him.

Kissing her with all the love he would shower her with for the rest of her life.

As their happy ending began.

….. **Author's Note: Thoughts ? What's Next ?**


	41. Chapter 41

**Apart By More Than Words**

 **Chapter 41**

 _If you only say it once_

 _Then say it now._

 _Close the door_

 _And let me watch_

 _My skin's burning like a fire._

Reception

Looking around at everything. I'm amazed Blair has outdone herself.

She is talking to some people at our table.

I just once again get reminded of how lucky I am to have her.

Especially on days like this. As I take her hand. She turns and smiles at me.

Leaning closer into me while I take her into my arms.

"Is someone getting nostalgic.?" Blair said smiling as she kissed me.

"Anything involving you."

"I will gladly participate in."

"Clothing optional of course." I said to her smiling.

"I love you." I said to her eyes sparkling.

"I'm yours." "I love you to." Blair said as we kissed again.

Hearing applause as we joined in.

The newly married couple were making their entrance.

The happiness all over their faces.

As they go to the center of the room.

The music playing all eyes focused on them.

"I have no idea how you pulled this off."

"I am full of surprises."

"Plus that smile on your makes all of this."

"More than worth it." Nate said looking into her eyes.

"Who knew you were such a romantic.?" Serena said smiling at him.

"You bring out that side in me." Nate said to her.

"I want this night to last forever." Serena said to him.

"I know it feels like we could just stay in bubble of ours." Nate said to her.

"You gave me this incredible wedding."

"I have to think of way to repay you for this."

Serena said to him.

"Stay with me." Nate said to her.

Serena nodded her head.

As he leaned down and kissed her.

Tears threatening to fall from her eyes.

She was able to hold it together.

Until she heard him whisper he loved her. Placing her hand on his heart.

The night filled with memories. And moments that would never be forgotten.

Soon it was over. The guests gone.

the couple tucked away.

In a limo.

His arms wrapped around her. As she smiled at him.

Awhile later

The key to the room opened quietly. As he carried her over the threshold.

Letting her down once they were inside. Locking the door behind them.

"I love you." She said to him. Pulling him closer to her.

"I love you to." He said closing the gap between them.

Taking her face in his hands. So, beautiful. He said to her softly.

While she blushed. As he carefully laid her on the bed.

"You are perfect." He said to her.

Feeling this sudden rush of emotion. Take over him.

"I don't want to hurt you." He said looking to her.

"Look at me." "I've never been so happy."

"And that is because of you."

"I'm not breakable."

"I want this night to be unforgettable for us both."

She said.

Putting her hand on his face.

He leaned down close to her.

As he reconnected their lips.

The do not disturb sign still swinging on the door handle outside.

…..


	42. Chapter 42

**Apart By More Than Words**

 **Chapter 42**

 _Where most fairytales end, ours merely starts._

The morning after

"Good morning wife." Nate said caressing her face with his hand.

"Hi Husband." Serena said smiling back at him.

"Look at that smile. You are glowing."

"I obviously kept to my most important vow."

"Making you feel loved and supplying you with endless happiness."

Nate said Smiling at her.

"Yes you have seriously set the bar to unreachable heights."

"Between the wedding."

Last night and your attention and gentleness."

"You bring me to life."

"I never want you to feel like."

"You're not enough."

"Or that I am in any way unfulfilled." She said looking into his eyes.

"Knowing you there is way more planned for the day."

"Then simply breakfast in bed." She said smiling at him.

While she started to eat her pancakes.

From the breakfast, they had ordered.

Nate looked at her and smiled.

"We have a shower to get dirty in."

"And I may have scheduled a massage and ordered a ticket or two."

Nate said to her as he looked away.

"I knew it!" Serena said laughing. "You have given yourself away."

"Tell me more." Serena said excitedly.

Looking into her eyes as he spoke.

"We're going to the city of love."

"Our honeymoon." Nate said to her.

"Paris." Serena said happily as she looked at him.

"We leave tonight after dinner." Nate said to her excitedly.

"It's official then we are not leaving this room until."

"It's time for those massages." Serena said kissing him.

Pulling him closer to her. While she headed toward the shower door.

"Chuck I'm nervous." "What if they don't like me.?'"

"Or you.?" "Blair said looking at herself quickly in the mirror before the opened the door.

"Blair relax." "It's going to work out." Chuck said as he hugged her tightly.

"As they opened the door." Meeting with the person on the other side.

"See who you connect with there are a large variety of children here and teenagers." "They all have name tags." "Take your time."

"Let me know if you make any connections here." "I'll be over there."

The woman said as she put her hands on their shoulders.

 _Adoption fair_ in big letters hung above. The endless amounts of young faces they saw. Some interacting with each other. Others keeping more to themselves.

Joining hands as they started to look around.

"So are you new around here.?" Jenny asked the person.

"No I've been back and forth to New York my whole life." The replied.

"I've seen you around your almost to beautiful." The person said to her.

Jenny blushed as she looked away.

"I've been coming here a couple of months now." "And am just now noticing you."

"And I love your name." "It's unique." "What was it again.?" Jenny asked.

It appears the person either jumped or was pushed.

Do we have an ID on the body?

"Yea we do Driver's License."

"This woman's name was Raina."

The officers looked at each other. Then shook their heads.

As they called it in to the station. And called for assistance.

…

 **Author's Note: Raina dead? Who is Jenny getting to know? Nate and Serena? Your continued support means everything. Review your thoughts, comments, predictions, I read and take in everything. so, don't be shy. Until next chapter.**


	43. Chapter 43

**Apart By More Than Words**

 **Chapter 43**

" _Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage."  
_

Hours later

As they almost finished packing for their trip to Paris.

"That dress is really important to you." "Isn't it.?" Nate asked her.

While her eyes turned toward him.

"Yes I mean it's beautiful." Serena said.

Taking another glance at her wedding dress.

White, long, some sparkle, fitted but comfortable, And thin straps at the shoulders. Just short enough at the bottom to see her heels as she walked.

"But for me it's more about the day it represents."

"And all the memories we experienced together." "Before and after the wedding."

"I'm going to hold on to it." "Hang it up in the closet."

"And have it as a keepsake."

"Who knows maybe this will be used again someday." Serena said.

smiling as she put in away gently in her suitcase.

"Such beautiful words."

"Your right it's a lot more than a dress."

"You really know how take a guy's breath away."

"When I saw you walking down the aisle to me."

"I almost forgot everything I planned to say."

"All I could see was your face, that smile.

And not wanting to look away from those eyes.

Nate said holding her hand.

"If I wasn't already so in love with you."

"Hearing everything you just said."

"Would have grabbed at my heart and never let go."

"Since I am it just makes me want to sink into it."

"Let myself just melt into you."

"And allow all the nail gripping fear to fall away."

She said looking at him as she slowly got up and kissed him.

"Double check that we have everything."

"I'll be right back okay." Serena said as she left the room.

Then started walking until she was face to face with the door. She needed.

Taking a breath as she walked into the bathroom. Locking the door behind her.

As she looked at herself in the mirror.

Looking down at her hands that started to twitch.

And the cramping in in her leg had moved to the other one.

So, both limbs now had tightened and ached.

She started to feel fatigued.

So, she attempted to rest herself on closest object she could.

She tried to keep calm and count her breaths. But it wasn't like the other times.

Tears welled up in her eyes. This tightness in chest began.

"Serena!" Nate called out to her.

Hearing his footsteps coming closer.

She began to panic.

"You go on ahead." "I will meet you out there." She said breathing slowly.

"S." "You still have some things to pack." "Want to finish up for you and carry them out to the car.?" Nate asked.

"Yea That would be great." Serena said softly.

"Are you sure you're okay.?" Nate asked her.

"Yes I'm fine don't worry." She said to him.

She relaxed as she heard footsteps start to walk away.

As she started to gain some control over herself again.

She wiped her eyes and steadied her hand as she reached for the door.

Looking down at her ring.

She walked out of the room and made her way slowly.

Outside. Meeting Nate with a smile on her face.

Smiling at him.

As he opened the door for her.

Leaning over as the doors were locked and closed.

He kisses her and takes her hand in his.

"Get ready Paris."

"The Archibald's are on their way." He said smiling.

As he began to drive.

…..


	44. Chapter 44

**Apart By More Than Words**

 **Chapter 44**

" _Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day._

"We are going to have this beautiful city."

"And each other to enjoy it with for a couple weeks."

"So I want to pack as much in to every day as we can."

Nate said turning to her.

"That sounds great." Serena said as felt her balance to lose control.

"Woh." Nate said as he gently wrapped his arm around her.

And helped her slowly walk over to the bed.

Where she gently sat down.

"I don't think that was just the drive and airport."

Nate said sitting next to her.

"You should have told me." "You weren't feeling up it."

"We could have stayed home or done something close by."

Nate said to her.

Taking her hand in his holding it securely.

"No." "I didn't want to say anything."

"I was handling fine by myself."

"I don't want you to worry and become consumed."

"By this it wasn't supposed to happen so soon."

"I'm already being this helpless person."

"And that is the last thing I wanted."

Serena said looking away from him.

"Hey look at me." Nate said to her.

Turning her face towards him.

"You don't need to hide this from me."

"See how I caught you there."

"I will do that every single time."

"You never have to put on a brave face for me."

"When it becomes too much for you."

"Tell me I will do anything I can to help you."

"It may seem like your fighting this alone."

"But you have me." "And all of us."

"We are going to spend some time here."

"Then I want to get back."

"So you can be as comfortable and secure as possible."

"It's time to possibly at least consider treatments."

Nate said looking at her. As she started to speak.

"There is no point." "It's not going to amount to anything."

"There is no cure." Serena said looking at him.

"I know but at least it could give you."

"Some relief with your symptoms and slow things down."

Nate said trying to be encouraging.

"I'm not going to push you on it."

"Just think about it okay.?" Nate said as he leaned over and kissed her gently.

"I'm going to go start putting our stuff away."

"You lay down or sit." "Whichever makes you more comfortable."

Nate said as he started to get up and open drawers.

"That feeling of responsibility and like your life isn't your own anymore."

"Is exactly why I never wanted anyone to know."

"Especially not you."

"I'm not going to put you through this."

"Okay I'm can't bare the thought of you."

"Watching me fall apart into this lesser, disconnected."

"needy version of myself."

Serena said.

Hearing her words, he walked out of the closet.

"What are you saying.?" He asked her looking into her eyes.

"This disease is going to drain me." "It's already beginning."

"You said this was what you wanted." "Honestly though."

"Who would choose to stay by a deteriorating woman.?"

"There has to be a part of you that feels guilty and like if you were."

"To actually be honest it would make you seem like a bad person."

"Let me tell you." "Your far from it."

"The only fault you had in any of this was falling in love with me."

"If you had it to do over and if I had any idea what I would be."

"Dealing with I would have kept you away." "And been happy."

"That you would have had a normal life." "Because this isn't enough."

"Or fair or right." "You are to decent of a guy to say it."

"And I know that." "You should have stayed with Jenny."

"Or anyone else." "If it hadn't of been for that wedding."

"We would of both have moved on."

"And I'm sorry for that." "This continuous decline that in the end."

"Will take my life and leave you stuck in place."

Serena said looking to him.

As he stood there staring at her. Trying to form in his mind.

Exactly what he wanted to say.

Taking a breath as he began to speak.

"You want my honesty."

"Fine then I will give exactly that."

Nate said as he spoke.

"I'm tired of you thinking that."

"Me and my feelings are not genuine."

"As if I'm simply waiting." "For the day that I can break free."

"That could be the case." "If I didn't love you so much."

"What is it going to take for you to see."

"I'm exactly where I want to be." "But if you want to."

"Keep pushing me away." "Then do it."

"Maybe they were right."

"You don't care about anyone else's feelings but yours."

Nate said as walked out the door. Closing it behind him.

Taking a breath. Serena looked around the room.

The letter she had written and always took with her.

Stayed in her suitcase. Which was right by her.

She walked over and picked it up.

Opening the suitcase and taking out the letter.

With Nate's name written on the front.

She carefully walked to the bed and placed it in the middle.

As she didn't bother changing. And slipped under the covers.

Closing her eyes as she drifted off to sleep.

Her dreams comforting her.

….


	45. Chapter 45

**Apart By More Than Words**

 **Chapter 45**

 _There are moments in our lives when we find ourselves at a crossroads; afraid, confused, without a roadmap. The choices we make in those moments will define us for the rest of our days. Of course, when faced with the unknown, most of us prefer to turn around and go back. But once in a while people push onto something better. Something found just beyond the pain of going it alone, and just beyond the bravery and courage it takes to let someone in, or to give someone a second chance._

Walking through the dark city streets.

Nate passes people and window displays.

Curious as to what time it was. He had been out here awhile.

Deciding to go blend into the crowd. He goes through the front door.

Of this last remaining open place. Thankfully no one seems to notice him.

If they do their choosing to ignore him.

And this was a time he was grateful for his lack of recognition.

Sitting down at the nearest stool he could find.

Without having to make much eye contact.

And ordered a drink. Minutes later it appeared in front of him.

Taking a sip as he closed his eyes.

Reopening them as he heard. A voice in his direction.

"You look like hell." "And like you could use another drink."

The bartender said passing over a new full glass.

Looking over at him. Shrugging her shoulders.

Walking back over to him. Taking advantage of a slow night.

As she started to talk.

"Break up with your girlfriend.?" She asked.

"No." Nate said laughing softly.

"Fight with my wife." Nate said looking to her.

Taking that in before she responded.

"What could be so bad it leads you to storm out."

"In the middle of the night.?" She asks curious.

"She doesn't trust me."

"No matter what I do."

"And I just can't think of anything more to say to her."

"So I left." "This was not the way I saw this night ending."

Nate said to her. While he started in on his second drink.

"Well I don't know you or her."

"From what I can see."

"You obviously care a lot about her."

"It's written all over your face."

"If she can't see that." "She better be prepared to lose you."

"In one way or another."

"Because without trust a relationship of any kind."

"Is nothing."

"I have never had a guy care so much."

"About me like this and be willing to put his own feelings aside for me."

"Hopefully she gets over her pride or whatever is keeping her from trusting and realizes what a person she has in her corner.

"My name is Madeline." "Everyone calls me Maddie."

She said as she stuck out her hand to shake it.

"I'm Nate." He said back to her. While he stuck out his hand.

As they shock hands.

"Nice to meet you." She said smiling at him.

"Back to you." Nate said to her. Placing his empty glass on the bar.

"If you don't mind me asking." She said looking to him.

"Why doesn't she trust you.?" She asks.

"She's dealing with her disease."

"ASL." He said. "And since she's told me about it.

"She has attempted to give me any out she can think of."

"And usually I'm able to deal with it." "But tonight."

"It was too much." "So much of our relationship has been about her."

"Her wants and needs."

"I'm constantly trying to reassure her."

"And make her feel loved and appreciated and understood."

"In the end, I forget to check in on myself."

"I feel like I don't even exist." "Then I feel."

"Guilty and wrong when she's dealing with so much worse."

Nate says as he takes a breath and looks away.

Putting her hand on his.

While she spoke.

"I know almost exactly what you mean."

"I've heard my dad say those things to people."

"But never to her." "It's important to vent."

"Especially when you're dealing with ASL."

"My mom has had for years." "My dad has been there by her side."

"So to a certain extent I get it."

"If you ever want to talk." "Here's my card." She said to him.

Handing it over as Nate looked at her and thanked her.

As he left and started going back home.

…..


	46. Chapter 46

**Apart by More Than Words**

 **Chapter 46**

 _Love is never_

 _What you think_

 _It's going to be_

 _is It?_

Walking quietly through the door.

As the morning sun started to rise.

Closing the door behind him. While he looked around.

Feeling unsure about the quietness in the room.

"Serena!" He called out. Not hearing a reply.

Instead noticing an envelope with his name on it.

As he walked closer to the bed. Took a seat.

And opened it. Unfolding the letter.

Then took a breath as he read.

 _Dear Nate. Out of everything between us that was expressed. The honesty in our words were heard._

 _Whether it was meant to be or not._

 _You were right._

 _I don't care about anyone else's feelings but my own._

 _When it comes to this all I can ever focus on._

 _Is my hurt and fear and disappoint._

 _Knowing that as much as I wish I could erase my mistakes._

 _They always come back to haunt me in my present._

 _It isn't that I don't trust you._

 _The fact is I lack the most trust and belief._

 _In myself. Because whenever things got difficult._

 _I was able to either._

 _Close off my heart._

 _Get lost in my mind._

 _Or numb my body from feeling at all._

 _When it comes to you all of this defenses are useless._

 _And that terrifies me._

 _You love me._

 _More than I thought anyone would ever do without._

 _Anything in for them but me._

 _I want to be able to be everything you need._

 _Because you are that and more for me._

 _But maybe forever is asking too much of us both._

 _Serena._

Laying the letter on the bed. He quickly grabbed his phone.

Attempting to call her. Not noticing the door opening.

On the other side of room. Causing him.

To drop his phone. It falling into his lap.

As he looked up. His eyes landing on the door.

Hearing footsteps. Taking a breath.

While she began to come up to him.

Her movements slow but steady.

"Serena." Nate said to her.

"Nate." She said quietly.

Their eyes locked. As she began to speak.

"I see you got my letter." She said looking to him.

"I did just finished reading it." "I was about to call you."

Nate said to her.

"We should talk about what we said last night."

"And your letter." Nate said moving over.

So, she could sit next to him.

"I didn't think I would write as much as I did."

She said as she wiped a stray tear from her eye.

"It's not too much to ask of us in terms of forever."

Nate said to her.

"I want to look into some kind of treatment or support group."

"I think it would be good for us both."

Serena said looking at him.

"Good that's great."

"I think that is going to really help you."

"I'm for saying what I did and leaving." Nate said to her.

"You have been incredible to me."

"I need to be more honest and rely on you."

"I will work on that."

"And to make sure you never feel unheard or unappreciated again." Serena said.

"I want us to become as strong as possible."

"Every time you tell me you love me."

"Or do something like the wedding or this trip."

"It reiterates to me that you are here."

"And that it's not something to be afraid of but to embrace." Serena said looking into his eyes.

"I love you so much." She said to him.

"I love you to." Nate said to her.

As he bought her closer to him.

"Before we enjoy any more of Paris and each other."

"I have to tell you something."

Serena said looking into his eyes.

"Alright go right ahead." He said smiling at her.

"I'm pregnant." She said softly.

A smile coming over her face.

…..

 **Author's Note:** Review your comments, thoughts, ideas, Until Next Chapter. :}


	47. Chapter 47

**Apart By More Than Words**

 **Chapter 47**

 _Making a decision to have a child–it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body."_

Surprise and happiness are immediately displayed on his face.

Tears spring to his eyes. "We're having a baby." Nate said.

Looking up at her. Taking her into his arms.

Caressing her face as he kissed her gently.

"We're going to have a living, breathing, beautiful. Proof of our love."

"In a matter of months." Serena said looking into his eyes.

"I love you so much." "The both of you." Nate said touching her stomach gently.

"I love you too." Serena said putting her hand on his.

"I made an appointment with a doctor."

"It's for tomorrow." "We'll see how far along I am."

"And I'll get prenatal vitamins."

"Hopefully we'll be able to hear the heartbeat."

Serena said excitedly.

"I'm ready for all of it." "I'm just worried with everything else."

"You have going on." "Will you be able to handle it.?" Nate asked.

"Yea I will." "This baby is a fresh start for us." "I will do everything I can."

"To make sure this baby is healthy and strong and has the best chance."

"What happens afterwards." "Won't matter." She said looking to him.

"Nothing is going to go wrong."

"We are going to raise this child and make life long memories." Nate said holding her hand.

"Come with me." Nate said taking her hand.

"I'm going to run a bath for you and get some candles." Some snacks."

"I want you to be completely relaxed and comfortable."

"I'm going to take care of you." Nate said smiling at her.

"That sounds incredible."

"My only want is that you join me." Serena said smiling as she kissed him.

The next morning

"Okay Mr. and Mrs. Archibald." "Let's look at that baby."

The doctor said as he put the gel on her stomach and the wand and the lights went down and the room quieted.

"Right here." "That is your baby." The doctor said looking at them.

"Would you like to hear the hear the heartbeat.?" He asked.

The in awe couple nodded their heads. As he put on the sound.

A constant thumping sound. Entered the room.

Tears streamed down Serena's face. As Nate gripped her hand tighter.

Afterward the couple got copies of the baby so far.

Serena got a prescription for prenatal vitamins and the doctor told them.

He would see them in a few weeks. Waving goodbye as they left the office.

Once back in the car. Nate turned to her and asked.

"How are you feeling right now?" He asked her curious.

"Hopeful." Serena said with a smile.

"I want to go baby shopping." "I know it's early."

"But I want in take in every single second of these short months."

"And make as many together as a couple we can."

"Before our lives change as we know it." Serena said to him.

"Let's go." Nate said as he started to drive.

While she took his hand in hers and smiled.

Hours later

"You are going to love your daddy."

"He is the best man."

"And will always be there to hug you when you need it,

scare away the monsters,

Loving you and shaping you into the person you become.

Serena said quietly laying her hand on her stomach.

While she looked over at Nate.

Who had fallen asleep. Reading a prepare for baby book.

Kissing his cheek as she took it from his hands.

And closed her eyes.

….


	48. Chapter 48

**Apart By More Than Words**

 **Chapter 48**

 _ **Complicated**_

 _It has been said that when the Japanese repair something that has been broken, they fix it with gold because they believe the cracks are historical and beautiful.  
This is true with people too."_

As they enjoyed their last few days of Paris and were now on the plane back home.

Nate looked over at Serena and smiled.

He had belief in their relationship.

And that they had the strength to withstand anything that came their way.

Looking out the window at the New York skyline. He felt at peace.

Being back home. And could not wait to surprise Serena.

As the plane began to land.

And people started to get their belongings and step off the plane.

He leaned over and kissed her softly.

Her eyes fluttering open as she smiled at him.

"Nate you should have woken me up."

"I probably slept the whole way home." She said.

looking up at him. With sleep in her eyes and peacefulness on her face.

"No way do you ever wake up a sleeping woman."

"Plus I just enjoyed being next to you." Nate said.

looking at her as he gently caressed her face.

"Time to start our next chapter in our home."

"Follow me." Nate said.

Smiling as he took her hand as they started to walk off the plane.

"I'll drive you just look out the window and take of the baby." He said to her.

Smiling as they got into the car.

Driving for a while enjoying the feeling and familiarity of their world.

As they eventually stopped. Nate pulling into the driveway.

"Wait this isn't our place." Serena said.

As she got out of the car and looked around.

"Nate not saying a word while he took her hand.

And they walked up the steps and Nate opened the door.

While they walked through Nate letting her go in first as he went in after her.

She turns to him. Confused. "Where are we?" Serena asked.

"We're home S." "Let me show you around." He said.

As they started to walk and he began to speak.

"While you were asleep I called our friends and family."

"And told them I had a last-minute project that I needed help with."

"Being the wonderful, caring, giving people they are."

"They came over here and helped me to furnish our new home."

"Everything is done, the kitchen, living room, Dining room, Our room, guest room, backyard. The only room I wanted left blank was this one." Nate said.

As he opened the door. Revealing the white painted room.

"I thought since I held off on announcing our news."

"This was something we could do together." Nate said turning to her.

Serena nodded her head while eyes filled with tears.

Looking at the crib and rocking chair that sat by the window.

"I will never know why I was blessed to meet you."

"And the fact that we fell in love is still a mystery to me."

"But I promise you that our days together from this point on."

"Will be filled with as much happiness and adventure."

"Good moments and memories as you can stand."

Serena said looking into his eyes.

"I love you with every single part of my heart." He said.

As he took her in his arms.

"I love you too Nate." Serena said.

As she touched his face with her hand leaning over and kissing him.

Feeling herself suddenly lifted. While she looked at him.

He had picked her up. Holding her gently in his arms.

"I have to show you our room." He said.

Kissing her again. While he smiled. Taking careful steps.

As he opened their door closing it behind it them.

Laying her on gently on the bed.

Later on in the night.

Making sure Nate was fast asleep. She carefully. Climbed out of his arms.

Went downstairs and sat down on the couch.

Took out her phone. And clicked record.

As she started to speak.

…

 **Author's Note: Your thoughts on Nate's surprise? What is Serena up to?**

 **What is next for these two? And how will the pregnancy effect Serena's disease? Leave it all in the reviews.**

 **See you next chapter.**


	49. Chapter 49

**Apart By More Than Words**

 **Chapter 49**

" _A baby fills a place in your heart that you never knew was empty."_

Hours later

Enjoying the warmth of simply being near him.

As she sat at the window seat in their bedroom.

Watching the sunrise and feeling this ache in her chest.

She realized was happiness.

Wanting to savor these simple mornings.

Because she knew how few and in between.

They would be become once the baby arrived.

Placing her hand on her stomach.

Smiling as she turned around. After hearing Nate's voice.

"Hello beautiful." Nate said looking over at her.

Smiling warmly.

"Hey Nate." Serena said smiling as she started to walk over to him.

Sitting carefully on the bed.

"How are you and our combination of cute doing this morning.?"

He asked curious. Touching her face with his hand as he kissed her.

Smiling before she responded. "We're good." Serena said.

"I need you to get ready and then meet me downstairs."

Serena said to him as she kissed him again.

"Have you planned something.?" Nate asks smiling at her.

"No hints." Serena said as she left the room. Closing the door behind her.

Awhile later

Nate dressed and full of curiosity as what was happening.

Walked downstairs. Surprised to see his friends and family.

Smiling as he went over to them. And then looked up.

As he heard Serena start to speak.

"Everyone thank you all for coming over in a few hours' notice."

"For the both of us." "And helping me set up this beautiful potluck lunch."

"You can all take your seats once everyone has eaten and relaxed."

"Join me outside." Serena said.

As she walked over to Nate smiling as she took his hand.

The both of them sitting next to each other.

Nate looking around in disbelief. This was an amazing idea."

"I thought so we haven't seen everyone in a while."

And we have life changing news to share.

"So I figured why not make a day out of it." Serena said.

As people ate and enjoyed themselves talking and laughing.

Time flying by.

Before they knew it. Everyone was outside.

Serena walked out first taking Nate by the hand.

Now standing side by side.

The second surprise now in full view.

A hot air balloon.

Getting surprise reactions from the crowd.

As Serena started to speak. "

"This is going to go up and once it's as high possible."

"Balloons are going to be let out."

Serena said taking Nate's hand.

As they watched the balloon take flight.

Stopping midair as yellow and green balloons filled the sky.

"I'm Pregnant!" Serena said loudly. Excitement in her voice.

Excitement and tears and hugs and good wishes.

Went around as stomach touches and questions about names.

And future plans were made for between the families.

Nate and Serena barely leaving each other's sides.

Until the night's end.

Waving goodbye to their remaining guests as they headed back inside.

Once back in their bedroom. They recounted their favorite parts of the night.

"Blair is going to be very involved with this baby."

"She was already preordering outfits."

"And taking about saving space for an extra room for sleepovers."

Serena said as she laughed. Looking over at Nate.

"And Chuck giving me that little suit." Nate said smiling remembering the image.

Leaning over as he lifted her shirt. And kissed her stomach.

Serena put her hand on his head.

As he wrapped his arms around her.

"We are going to be the best parents to this kid"

"And become even better versions of each other."

Nate said to looking at her.

"I can't wait to see you hold our baby."

"I may seriously melt."

"The thought alone makes my heart do flips."

Serena said smiling at him.

Kissing her as he got up.

"I bought a memory book/ photo album."

"When we went shopping for this little one before."

Nate said as he handed the book over to Serena.

Climbing back into bed.

As they sat next to each other.

Starting to go through it.

Baby's first day, birthday, Christmas, As the book went into.

The next year and the year after that. As they flipped to.

5th birthday and first day of school, going even further, as they went to age 16, And high school graduation.

Wiping her eyes. Serena put her side of the book down.

"I don't want to look anymore." Serena said as she looked at him.

"It's okay you don't have to." Nate said taking her hand.

"I have to talk to you."

"Back in Paris I met this woman at this late-night bar."

"And we got to talking."

"And she told me her mom has ASL to and had been battling it for years."

"And that if I wanted to talk I could contact her using this card she gave me."

"So I think it would be worth at least trying to talk to these people."

"So we can get an idea of what to expect." Nate said looking to her.

"No." Serena said shaking her head. Removing her hand from his.

"Wasn't this enough the book those memories and moments."

"I don't want to think this far ahead."

"I certainly don't need a visual of my impending future."

"Can we just forget about this and focus on each other and the baby.?"

Serena asked him.

"Sure we can." Nate said.

As she got started to walk over to the bed and turn off the light.

Climbing underneath the covers.

While Nate looked at the card and folded it.

Putting it away not sure if he was ready to make it apart of his past.

Then got into bed next to her and closed his eyes.

Memories of that night coming back to him.

 **Author's Note: Your thoughts on the memory book?**

 **How Serena and Nate announced the pregnancy?**

 **Nate telling Serena about the woman from Paris and him keeping her card?**

 **I love reading your suggestions and ideas and thoughts.**

 **So, don't be afraid to speak your mind.**

 **See you next chapter:}**


	50. Chapter 50

**Apart By More Than Words**

 **Chapter 50**

 _If our hearts are never broken_

 _There is no joy in the mending_

 _There's so much this hurt can teach_

 _Us both._

 _There's distance and there's silence_

 _Your words have never left me_

 _They are the prayer_

 _That I say every day._

Nate was hanging out with Blair.

And it was Chuck and I for dinner tonight.

He was always a character.

The kids were with the sitter.

Before Chuck got here I wanted to make sure this was done.

Serena thought to herself as she stared into webcam camera on her laptop.

And started to speak.

…

Later on

"Sis there was no need to get all dressed up."

"I mean here I am no suit in jeans and a t shirt."

"If the public caught on they would have a field day."

Chuck said smiling as he hugged her.

"Not dressed up. I'm just enjoying my non-maternity clothes days.

A little while longer." Serena said. Hugging him back.

While she closed, and locked the door behind him.

As they walked into the kitchen.

"Whatever you say." "Out of respect for you being with child."

"I got sparkling cider." "With nice fancy cups."

"So we would feel like grown-ups." Chuck said smiling at her.

"I thank you." "You know we are far from that here."

"Especially you and I brother." Serena said as she placed the cups down.

And Chuck poured the cider as they sat down at the table.

"Yum Chinese!" Serena said as she started to eat.

"Some things never change."

"Remember when we used to live together." "And lived on take out and old movies." Chuck said. laughing at the memory.

"Yea of course that was when we really became family."

"I'll always look back on that time with the fondest memories."

"You are some kind of guy Chuck."

"Us becoming friends at all seemed impossible."

"I trust you." "And love you."

"And know that you will hold the group together."

"I've never been so happy to of been proven wrong."

Serena said taking his hand.

"Love you too Sis." Chuck said wiping his eyes.

"Now I have to say you did an anything job with the baby announcement."

Chuck said looking at her.

"We should of thought of something like that."

"My favorite part was the lanterns at the end."

"We all had one and let the negative thoughts and feelings go."

"That is what we all need from time to time." Chuck said.

As he started to eat.

Serena returning her gaze or to him. As she started to pick at her food.

Before I was so excited to eat this now just looking at it makes me sick.

Serena thought to herself.

"How are you and Blair holding up.?" Serena asked curious.

"I can't believe the adoption fell through."

"I'm really sorry." Serena said looking into his eyes.

"Wasn't meant to be I guess." "Blair was heartbroken."

"I tried my best to be supportive and told her the right kid is out there."

Chuck said.

Beginning to start his drink.

As he went to finishing the remainder of his dinner.

"Not so fast Bass." "What about you.?" "Did you really think I wouldn't ask.?" Serena said putting her hand on his.

"There is a reason why I never get my hopes up."

"I appreciate your concern."

"But you have a much bigger and important situation happening."

"Let's talk about that." Chuck said looking to her.

"We can but what you're going through matters too."

"Talk to me." "Serena said softly.

"I'm disappointed we were so close to closing things and announcing it."

"The parents changed their minds." Chuck said looking away.

"I can't imagine what that felt like." Serena said looking down.

"Now it's your turn sis." "How is everything really.?" Chuck asked.

"We meant through this memory book and I just fell apart."

"I don't want this child to remember me in pictures and as being sick."

"I want to be the mom I wish my mine had been."

"There, present, a part of things." "Nate is just so positive and hopeful."

"I feel like telling him all of this will just make it seem like I'm already planning my death." "I've given up." Serena said to him.

"I know how much he believes it's all going to work out."

"I don't think that's wrong I think you just don't want to make it seem."

"As it will all be okay." "Given what you've looked into."

"The both of you would really benefit from a support group."

"People and their families dealing with ASL too." Chuck said.

"Nate had mentioned something about that." "But I shot it down."

"Trust me it's empowering as well as comforting to get support and actual recounts of other people's experiences when you feel like it's just you."

"I did some research when I knew I was going to see you."

"Here it's called Greater New York Chapter."

"Give it a chance S." "Let me know how it is." Chuck said to her.

"Going there meeting with these people." "It made would make it real."

Serena said with tears in her eyes.

"That is exactly what you both need."

"And you would be facing together."

"There is a light at the end of all this."

"And that is hope." "Whether you get to be a part of the progress or not."

"Thank you Brother." Serena said looking up at him.

"No problem Sis." Chuck said looking at her.

"How about we watch one of those old movies." Chuck suggested.

"Sixteen candles, The breakfast club, or the Great Gatsby?" Chuck asked.

"Gatsby." "You know I have a soft spot for unfinished love stories."

Serena said as she got comfortable on the couch.

While Chuck pressed play.

"How does feel being away from the kids for a while.?" Nate asked her.

"I'm a nervous wreck even though I know they're safe."

"Being a parent is nothing like the movies or TV make it seem."

"I have new worry lines every day."

"But I couldn't imagine." "Life without them." Blair said smiling.

"Just so you know I was serious about the extra room."

"That baby is going to be an extra member of our family."

"You both feel free to come to us if you need advice, babysitting."

"Extra clothes." "We're just so excited for you both." Blair said.

Putting her hand on his.

"Thanks we appreciate all your support." "Things with us."

"Are better than they have ever been."

"The baby will only make it better." Nate said.

"Having kids changes the relationship completely."

"The two of you are ready for it though."

"I have never seen a couple so in love."

"Aside from Chuck and I." Blair said smiling.

"Baby clothes and nursery items will be coming your way."

"So be on the lookout." Blair said to him.

"We've come a long way." "From dating to close friends."

"My life without you would be a lot less interesting and fun."

Nate said hugging her goodbye.

"I know what you mean Nate." "Take of each other." Blair said.

Hugging him goodbye.

Walking out the restaurant and getting into his car.

Driving home. He feels like even with the unknown future.

In front of them. Something good will come from it.

Parking in the driveway and opening the door closing it behind him.

He walks into the living room. And notices the computer is on.

Curious as to why Serena wouldn't turn it off. Before she left.

He sits down and goes on it.

Realizing the camera was on.

He looked at the screen and noticed a file marked.

 _Someday soon_ Clicking on it a video popped up.

He continued on pressing play.

As the video began.

Serena sat there and began to speak.

 _Hi little one. By the time you see this you will have lived a life._

 _I'm sure that will have been full of memories fun that you will always hold on to._

 _I've made you a series of these videos._

 _Advice and memories that I want you know._

 _And hopefully learn from._

 _I know that you will have an ache and pain in your heart._

 _That unfortunately will linger. But I know your dad will._

 _Make up for it being the incredible man and father he is._

 _I'm telling this now. Because we are not going to have a long future together._

 _And I want to make sure that you never think that I didn't love._

 _Or want to be there. Because I do. Sometimes life doesn't give us what we want._

 _Instead it gives it opportunities to learn and grow and love._

 _I'm giving you the best gift I have. And that is our family._

 _Take a seat and listen up._

 _Everything I'm telling you matters and is important._

 _Especially because you are my legacy._

 _My heart finding out about you and becoming your mom._

 _Has given me the drive to savor as much of life with you and your dad._

 _As I could of and I want to thank you for that._

 _Even though I'm gone._

 _I live on through memories and moments. Passed on to you._

 _I love you my beautiful child._

 _Serena said. As she wiped her eyes. And began to speak again._

Nate couldn't wipe up his tears fast enough.

Why was she doing this? She was going to be here.

Nate thought to himself. As he stopped the video.

Just as the door opened.

Serena walking in.

They're eyes locked.

"Hey Nate." Serena said walking up to him.

"Hi Serena." Nate said visibly emotional.

"I just saw your video." "Or should I say one of them.

Nate said as he looked at her.

"This was my business."

"I want our child to have memories and advice from me."

"This has nothing to do with you."

"You may be able to act as if nothing is going to happen."

"But I can't and won't." Serena said as she exited out of the video.

And walked into the bedroom closing the door behind her.

…


	51. Chapter 51

**Apart by More Than Words**

 **Chapter 51**

 _You have insisted on leaving me here_

 _Writing the same song I started last year._

 _Lays on a few words that you never meant._

 _I must have misread all the signals_

 _You never sent._

 _It's a bittersweet life._

Going after her. As he opened the bedroom door slowly.

"I'm sorry I just wasn't expecting that."

"Seeing you talk to the camera and say those words."

"It made things feel empty and like you were gone already."

"I should be more understanding and comforted."

"That our child will have these to look at and gain insight from."

"I was wrong to react that way." Nate said as he looked at her.

"Serena will you talk to me please.?" Nate said.

Looking at him. Her eyes wide.

As she started to speak.

"Your selfish and insensitive." She began to say. Her words slurring.

Feeling strange in her mouth. While she attempted to stand up her balance shaky.

Collapsing under her as she fell to the floor.

He quickly attempted to help her up.

Her arms twitching. She pulled away from him.

Attempting to help herself.

Eventually getting up.

A look of shock on her face. As she slowly sat down.

Then laid down. On her side.

He attempted to touch her.

Then decided against it.

Nate started to walk over to his side of the bed.

Looking over at her once more. Before he turned out the light.

Hours later

The night was quiet and they both slept until.

Nate was awoken by tight grasped shaking hand.

Quickly turning over. To see Serena's color changing.

She couldn't breathe.

Nate quickly picked her up and put her in the car.

Then put his foot heavily on the gas.

Caring nothing about speed limits and signs.

Relieved to see a hospital in his near view.

Parking in the first empty space he finds.

He takes her out of the car.

And races through the doors.

"I need Help!" "My wife Can't breathe!" Nate yelled.

As hospital workers came over. And brought a gurney.

He carefully laid her down.

So many voices asking him questions.

He replied as much as he could.

His mind feeling empty his hands feeling useless.

As he followed behind them.

OR in big letters on the doors.

They say he needs to wait in the waiting room.

They need room to work.

He refuses saying he won't leave her.

She's pregnant and has ASL.

She would wake up and be afraid.

The doctor put his hand on Nate's shoulder.

Promising as he looked at him.

That as soon as it was allowed he would be able to see her.

"Is she going to be okay.?" Nate asked. His voice shaky.

"I don't know." He said as he went through the double doors.

Nate taking a breath. As he walked back over to the visitor's area.

He couldn't believe how fast it was happening.

It seemed as if time slowed the longer he sat there.

Everyone else and everything rushing past him.

He was stuck and wouldn't and could not move.

Until he saw her again.

Hours later

Feeling a hand on his shoulder. He practically jumped out of his skin.

It was the doctor from before. He kept his word and announced that.

His wife was in stable condition and was awake. And was asking for him.

Thanking him two or 3 times. While he followed the doctor to her room.

The doctor replied modestly. "These are the good moments."

"No need to thank me." "Hope it all works out." The doctor said.

As he left Nate and started to go check on his other patients.

Nate gently opened her door.

A sense of peace washed over him.

As he locked eyes with Serena.

Closing the door behind him as he walked over to her.

Taking her hand.

Kissing her gently.

Tears welling up in his eyes.

As he wrapped his arms around her.

"Are you okay.?" Nate asked. Trying to keep his composure.

"Yea it was a combination of symptoms from the ASL."

Serena said slowly.

While she looked up at him.

"I love you so much Nate." "In case I forgot to say today."

She said touching his face gently with her hand.

"I love you too." Nate said.

Not wanting to leave her side.

"This is too much." Nate said looking into her eyes.

"Nate I'm here." "The baby is fine." Serena said with tears in her eyes.

"The pregnancy along with your disease is such a toll on you." Nate said.

Looking away as he wiped his eyes.

"Maybe we need to consider options in terms of the baby." Nate said looking to her.

"It is not too much." "I'm alive so I can handle it." Serena said to him.

"This entire thing almost killed you."

"These occurrences are what we have to look forward to."

"What if next time." "You're out somewhere." "Or Alone."

"And this happens."

"Is going through all of this worth risking your already fragile health.?"

Nate asked her.

"Yes of course it is." Serena said.

"I can't believe you would even ask me that." Serena says looking at him.

"What if your wrong.?"

"What if the decline of disease and the effects of pregnancy put you back here.?"

"Except next time you don't or can't wake up."

"How would I live with that.?" "Knowing I could have saved you."

"Or at the very least given you more time with all of us." Nate said.

looking to her.

"I already know that things weren't going to be easy." Serena said to him.

Taking a breath.

"But being pregnant carrying this baby."

"Knowing that our love is the reason a new life gets to start."

"Means everything to me." Serena said her voice shaky with emotion.

"This life with you has given me a second chance."

"To be the person I never thought was possible."

"So if you're asking me to choose between this baby and myself."

"The answer will be this little one."

"My time is limited I've come to some understanding with that."

"But this baby has an entire life to live."

"A dad to love it, Aunts and uncles and grandparents."

"My videos as a guidepost." "Pictures and memories."

"Don't worry Nate." "It's going to be okay." Serena said.

Taking his face in her hands.

"No it won't." Nate said unable to control his emotion now.

"How am I supposed love and raise and share memories."

"With the child who robbed me of valuable time with you.?"

"Day after day." "Month after month." "Until there is nothing left."

"I'm not okay with that." "I won't sacrifice you."

"For someone I've never met." Nate said wiping his eyes.

As his voice broke.

"Don't think about it that way."

"Know that I'm here and with you forever."

Serena said putting her hand on his heart.

"You heard the heartbeat." Serena said through tears in her eyes.

"Strong, loud, ready to face the world."

"I'm going protect and take care of this baby."

"Even if it cost my last breath to do it."

Serena said as she looked to him.

"And I just stand by and watch." Nate said.

"I want you to be a part of it in every way."

"We have to do the nursery." "Pick out names."

"Have a baby shower."

"I want this child to know nothing but love."

"I can't wait to watch you meet our baby."

"You are going to be awaken to a part of yourself."

"That you didn't know existed."

"The two of you are going to have each other."

"And that alone makes this entire thing live able."

Serena said wiping her eyes.

As Nate wrapped his arms around her.

Trying to remember to breath.

….


	52. Chapter 52

**Apart By More Than Words**

 **Chapter 52**

 _I'll wake you up_

 _And serve breakfast in bed_

 _I'll give you coffee and a kiss on your head._

 _I'll take the kids to school_

 _Wave them goodbye._

 _I'll thank my lucky stars for that night._

 _I'm so in love with you_

 _I want to stay with you_

 _Until we're grey and old_

 _Just say you won't let go._

5 Months later

So, we decided to keep the baby's room white until we find out the gender.

But we are and have been filling the nursery with clothes and toys.

Every time I pass the room. My heart just races. To think we're only a few months away is so exciting.

Nate has been reading and learning so much about babies and their early years. It's heartwarming. To see him simply talk about the baby to be or life once the three of us are home.

Just makes me smile non – stop. He said he wants to be as hands on as possible. Which doesn't surprise me at all.

I've been truly blessed to have married that incredible man.

Today is the day we're going to the find out what the sex of the baby is.

Nate literally jumped into the car this morning.

As I look over at him taking his hand. While he kisses it.

Continuing to drive. While I laid my forehead on the glass.

The coolness feeling nice against my skin.

He parks in closest parking spot near the front door.

Then takes my hand holding it securely as we walk inside.

Awhile Later

"Welcome back Mr. and Mrs. Archibald." The doctor says happily.

Smiling as we ask how he is as well.

Then I lay down on the table and the lights go down.

As Nate holds my hand. Looking at the screen excitedly.

"The baby is wide awake and is actually sucking its thumb."

The doctor says as he shows us.

Laughing as I turn to Nate. "Seems like someone is taking after daddy."

"You have no proof of that." Nate says playfully.

"Would you like to know the gender of your baby.?" The asked.

Looking at us both.

"Yea we want to know." I said smiling at Nate then turning back around.

"The gender of your baby is. The doctor said smiling.

Hours later

"So now that we know does that make it more real.?" I ask him.

While we start driving again. He turns to me. And smiles.

"It makes me feel that much more ready for this."

"I'm really going to dad." Nate said as looked in my eyes.

Turning his focus back on road.

At that moment, just now.

I wished silently for everything to continue to go smoothly.

He needed it.

I honestly didn't know if his heart could take on anymore.

Putting my hand on my stomach.

Just as Nate parked the car at the next location we had to go to.

While I quickly took his hand, and put it on my stomach.

Smiling at him.

As I spoke.

"Look at that daddy." "Baby wants to say hi." I said looking up at him.

Seeing the happiness and hope in his eyes.

Made me want to cry.

Instead I leaned over and kissed him.

"You are such a good guy Nate Archibald." I said to him.

Causing him blush and look away.

"True but have you seen my wife.?" "She is my backbone and the real hero of this story." He said caressing my face as he kissed me. Leaving me breathless.

"I'm in love with you." "You keep me strong." He said to me.

"I'm in love with you too." Tears start welling up in my eyes.

"I can't help it okay he just loves me so much." Serena thought to herself.

While she looked away.

"Time to go." I say as we started to get out of the car.

Looking up at her as she smiled. She was so beautiful.

But pregnancy has given her this eternal glow.

Opening the door for her as she walked in.

Then I walked in next beside her.

Taking a breath as I looked around. Finding empty seats.

We sit down. Checking to see who's here already.

Noticing some familiar faces. We make small talk.

Then the room quiets.

Hello Everyone

As always we start our meetings with stories. And current events happening in our lives. This group is all about supporting each other and understanding. Most importantly being honest with ourselves and each other.

"Is there anyone who would like to start today.?"

The group leader asks.

Nate raises his hand.

Smiling as he acknowledges him.

"Go right ahead Nate tell us what is on your mind.?"

Taking a breath.

Nate looks around the room then to his side at Serena.

As he begins to speak.

"I'm scared that I'm going to fail and not be enough."

"As a husband and a father." "And in the end that she will regret agreeing to marry me."

"And that my child must settle for me because I'll be lost without her.

And have nothing ever feel whole again.

In my life or my heart.

I want to slow down time.

I don't know where I fit into this new dynamic that is going to be happening.

And how I will explain why things will suddenly change.

when my child wakes up.

And I can't find my way to them.

Because the sun in my world will have darkened.

The world and my view from that point on.

"That is all thank you."

Nate said taking a breath.

As he looked away.

I look into his eyes.

Unsure of what to say in response or what to do.

My heart aching.

Realizing he won't meet my gaze.

The feeling in my chest rising as I watch him.

Leave from his chair and walk outside.

….


	53. Chapter 53

**Apart By More Than Words**

 **Chapter 53**

 _Did you ever wonder what it would be like if you weren't you anymore? If you were suddenly gone, how would your world react?_

Not bothering to excuse myself as I went after him. The chilled fall air hitting my face. Reminding me of change and life going on around me. As I look around. Scanning the parking lot. Finding him. Leaning up against his car.

I walk over and put my hand on his. He wasn't wearing gloves so his hands felt like he had been holding ice in them.

While I attempted to start the conversation.

He looked at me apologizing for causing me to leave the meeting.

"I don't care about that." I said looking to him.

"Why didn't you tell me you felt like this.?" I asked him.

Emotion making it harder for me to talk.

"You don't need to hear about any of that."

"Between this and the pregnancy." "You have enough."

"Without me adding my unnecessary baggage to the mix." Nate said as he started to walk farther down.

"Your feelings and thoughts and pain."

"Surrounding all of this is important to me."

"You always let me feel what I'm feeling."

"And afterward do anything you can to improve it."

"I have and will never regret marrying you."

"I never would have imagined that."

" I would have ended up being loved and cared for."

"By someone as good as you." "You are my best friend."

"My husband." "Father of our beautiful, incredible, son to be."

"Our life together would not exist if it wasn't for you."

"I want to be there for you." "When things get to be unbearable."

"You are beyond enough and deserving of me and all the love I give you."

"I am so thankful for you." "Your patience, understanding, unconditional love, and the hope you find in the darkest moments."

"The only regret I have is running away from you at all." I said taking his hand.

"Let's call it a night here."

"We can go to the diner and have a late-night meal then go home." "And get lost in each other."

"Celebrate the remaining days of our nights alone." I said looking into his eyes. Taking his hand leaning over kissing him.

"Are you sure you want to leave.?" Nate said looking at me.

"Yes." "I just want to be with you." "And show you just how much I love you." I said bringing him closer to me.

"Okay we can go." He said taking my hand securely as I once again felt safe in the world. While we got into the car and took off.

Hours later

Closing the door behind them.

While the couple walked inside their home.

Going to the fireplace and lighting it as he dimmed the lights.

Turning on the music. The room filling with lyrics and sound.

As Nate took her hand and took her into his arms.

Holding her close. While he looked into her eyes.

"When you look at me like that."

"I just want you to hold me and never let go."

Serena said as she laid her head on his shoulder.

Closing her eyes as she shut out any remaining distractions.

The couple swayed together their hearts combining as one.

Nate lifted her head as he kissed her.

"I didn't know what it meant to live until you walked into my life."

"And will never know again what it means to love." Nate said as his broke voice. Tears welled up in his eyes. As he kissed her again.

Taking a breath.

Looking in his eyes. Catching her breath. As she spoke slowly.

"I'm yours." "And I never will be anyone else's." Serena said.

As Nate reconnected their lips.

Only taking their eyes off each other for a second.

They're hands held together tightly. Walking carefully up the stairs.

As she felt the need to keep in contact with him. In some way, every minute. Until they eventually reached their room.

Nate opening the door walking inside as he rejoined hands with her.

Locking the door. Taking her face in his hands kissing her.

Wanting his touch to linger as she never broke eye contact.

Her heart practically leaping from her chest. Feeling the coolness of his hands on her again.

Gently he removed her sweater. Carefully helping her out of it.

Looking at her with such warmth and tenderness. She almost feels the need to look away.

As it fell to the floor beside them.

He then started taking off his own shirt.

She then stopped him. Looking into his eyes.

"Let me do it." She said smiling.

As she took the remainder of his shirt.

Lifting it over his over his head.

Placing kisses on his body. Bringing him closer to her.

As he lifted her face. Kissing her. Laying her on the bed.

Looking down at her.

As he began to kiss her lips. Her neck. Gently placing kisses on her stomach.

Then stopped as he started to unbutton her jeans and taking her out of them. Focusing then on himself.

The layers between them.

Leaving nothing but discarded clothing. On either side of the room.

His hand carefully taking off her last piece.

Her eyes fluttering closed.

"Open your eyes." he said quietly.

As she reopened them looking up at him.

Taking off the remaining ounce of separation between them.

He carefully touched her face with his hand.

They're eyes locked.

"I'm so in love with you I don't know what to with myself sometimes." He tells her.

"I love you too." "I can't stand being apart from you.

"I hate that you're going to have to let me go." Serena said to him.

As tears fell from her eyes.

"Never." "Even if we're apart." "We will always be connected."

"Nothing and no one will ever separate that.

He said. Wiping away her tears. leaning down as he reconnected their lips.

Sometime the next day

Watching as she slept. Wanting to keep the love they felt for each other. Safely tucked away. He held her in his arms.

Not wanting to move or speak. Just needing to drink her in.

The beauty of heart and selflessness of her soul.

Physical ache he felt knowing someday he would wake up in his bed alone.

Was not where his mind would go in this moment.

For now, he had her here. And would relinquish in their moments together. Good and difficult.

Because he knew that they had a son on the way who would not have his mom for moments in his life that he would look to her for and experiences they would never share.

But for his birth and first year and second and third she would power through her illness to make as many memories that she could and he would be there documenting through pictures and videos.

So, years down the line. Him and their son could share and relive her life and once again feel her love for us.

That day was not this morning.

Kissing her gently. Her hand going to his face.

As she opened her eyes.

Biting her lip.

Burying her face in the pillow in front of her.

"Don't act shy now." He said.

Taking her hand as he kissed it.

She removed the pillow. And carefully to face him.

"It feels still new and exciting."

"But comfortable and safe."

"You still make me blush like and just feel so special."

Serena said to him. As she leaned over and kissed him.

"That's never going to change."

"I still nervous around you."

Nate said smiling at her.

"I want to think about names."

Nate said sitting up.

As she laid her head on his chest.

Listening to his heartbeat.

"And I want to start decorating the nursery."

"But before that I want to make a new video."

"I was wondering if you would join me.?" Serena asked.

Looking into his eyes.

…

 **Author's Note: Gender revealed. Let me know your name ideas? Thoughts on the chapter? What do you want to see next? Thoughts on Nate and Serena? Your support is everything. Leave it all in the reviews.**

 **See you next chapter.**

….


	54. Chapter 54

**Apart By More Than Words**

 **Chapter 54**

 _Have you ever wondered what marks our time here? If one life can really make an impact on the world... or if the choices we make matter?_

4 months later

"You look stunning babe." Nate said as he leaned over and kissed her.

"Thank you." "But I'm hopeful this little guy can hold on a little longer."

Serena said putting a hand on her stomach.

"The baby shower is going to be beautiful you have fun and enjoy spending time with your girls." Nate said.

"You and Chuck don't get into too much tonight." Serena said smiling as she kissed him goodbye.

"With Chuck you never know." Nate said smiling.

While they both went into their separate ways.

Hours later

"Get ready to never sleep, relive your childhood, and be taken over in every way by a person you didn't realize you needed until you held them in your arms." Chuck said.

"Cheers to little man Archibald." Chuck said clinking his glass with Nate and Eric.

"Cheers to that and uncle Chuck and Aunt Blair and Uncle Eric." Nate said smiling.

As the guys laughed and talked telling stories as the hours flew by.

"Blair I can't believe you kept that terrible outfit." Serena said shaking her head. As she laughed looking again at the picture on her phone.

"It's great Audrey loves it." Blair said smiling.

"We made it S." "Both of us all the drama and family insanity." "We're stronger than ever." Blair said taking her hand.

Smiling as she snapped a picture of them.

"And our kids get to have each other as lifelong friends too."

"Serena said smiling.

"Thanks for coming mom." "You have no idea what it means to me."

Serena said hugging her goodbye.

"Serena I had to be here." "I know I haven't been the mother I should have been to you and your brother." "But I hope with this new baby and all of us being in better places now." "That it could be a fresh start for us."

"As mother and daughter." Her mom said hugging her back.

"I would love that." "And as a grandma to be." "Serena said to him.

"Yes I am so excited to meet my grandson." She touching her stomach.

"Everything that happened in the past doesn't matter now." Serena said.

As she waved goodbye.

looking at her gifts one more time before she left.

Promising again to Blair and Her mother and Dortha.

That she was fine enough to drive home.

And that they had nothing to worry about.

"As she started to walk her legs started to ache and arms beginning to twitch.

Feeling the baby beginning to kick.

"It's okay baby." She said taking a breath.

"We're going to go home."

"Daddy is waiting for us."

Serena said putting her hand on her stomach.

As she started to get into the car.

Her cell phone ringing.

Glancing at the ID she noticed it was Nate.

Taking another breath.

As she tried to steady her hand.

Jumping once she heard a voice behind her.

"You just couldn't let us be happy."

"Couldn't you Serena.?" The voice said.

Quickly grabbing the phone. Throwing it in the back seat.

Then grabbed the wheel.

Sometime later

Taking another at the baby's nursey. Nate couldn't help smiling.

Sky blue on the walls. Trees and animals. Clouds and sun. In the center a picture of himself and Serena. Smiling happily.

 _Breaking news_

 _Serena Archibald was reportedly involved in fatal car accident._

 _The businesswoman is married and expecting a child with husband._

 _Nate Archibald._

Nate's heart stopping seeing her car on screen.

Seeing her phone.

Smashed. On the ground.

…


	55. Chapter 55

**Apart By More Than Words**

 **Chapter 55**

 _"Sooner or later we all choose a path. Sometimes you never look back, and sometimes life forces you to_

 _Flashback_

" _It was really nice seeing you Nate." Serena said looking back at him. As her hand went for the door._

I knew then there was no ignoring it and letting her walk away again.

She was it. All I had ever wanted and needed. Right there in front of me.

And I wasn't going to lose her. Not before I had to.

Nate thought to himself.

As he pulled into the parking lot. Ran from his car. And stormed into the hospital.

Trying to take a breath. He started his way over to the front desk.

When he felt a hand on his shoulder turning him around.

"Chuck." Nate said softly. "How is she?" Nate asked him.

"You need to sit down and try and relax first." Chuck said.

"No I just have to know when I can see her and how is the baby.?" He asked.

Tears welling up in his eyes.

"Nate." Chuck attempted to say as he looked away. Taking a breath.

"The baby is okay." "He's healthy and strong."

"They were able to get him out just in time."

"I'm sure you would be able to see him now."

"You should go and do that." Chuck said to him.

Nate's body's being to shake. The cold and fear starting to take over him.

"Where is Serena.?" Nate asked.

Feeling as if it was getting harder to breath and see straight and hear anything.

As the minutes passed by.

"It was Jenni." "She just snapped." "We all thought she was doing so well."

"The two of you especially." "Tried the best you could to include her."

"She throughout Serena's phone and crashed the car." "And ran off."

"No one has any idea where she is." Chuck said his voice shaky.

"Damn it Chuck!" Nate yelled.

"Just tell me where is Serena!" Nate asked his voice breaking with emotion.

In the nursery

"I know those eyes anywhere." "Come here little guy." The woman said.

As she held the baby in his arms.

"Excuse me miss.?" The nurse said.

"Only mothers are allowed in here." She said smiling.

Looking up at the nurse with wide eyes. And a smile.

"I know that why do you think I'm here."

"This boy is my son." "See the last name." "Archibald."

"That's my husband's last name." The woman said smiling.

"If you wouldn't mind I'm trying to bond with my son." The woman said.

As the nurse looked at the woman once more.

Than went out the room and called security.

A bell started to ring.

The police minutes later came through the doors.

"Leave us alone." She said to them.

"Ms. Humphrey put down that baby now!" The officer said.

"No I've done nothing wrong!" Jenny said.

Cuddling the baby to her chest. As the nurse from before came back.

And scooped the baby safely into her waiting arms.

Relief washing over her.

As Nate walked by and looked in shock across his face.

"Jenny!" Nate said as he walked up to her.

"Where is Serena!"

"Please Jenny I know you know where she is."

"You were the last one who saw her."

"She is sick Jenny."

"I have to see to her and talk to her."

"And make sure she's okay." Nate said wiping his eyes.

"I love her." Nate said his voice thick with unshed emotion.

"Serena." "Serena." "Serena."

"She is all you ever cared about."

"When all this time she was the problem."

"All she ever did was break your heart and run and end up kissing someone else."

"I never knew what you saw in her." "Either of you." Jenny said smiling.

"She would just get in the way again."

"I had to make sure she wouldn't bother us again."

Looking into his eyes as she spoke.

Smiling with satisfaction.

"I let her die." She said her eyes darkening.

As the police took her out of the room.

And arrested her.

Nate stumbled out the room.

His hand to his heart.

He felt his eyes struggling to stay open and heart aching.

Collapsing to the floor.

As he remembered his last image of her. His eyes closing.

A baby crying heard nearby in the background.

….

 **Author's note: Thoughts on Jenni? Nate? Baby boy Archibald? Serena dead? Thoughts on the chapter.**

 **As always see you next chapter.**


	56. Chapter 56

**Apart by More Than Words**

 **Chapter 56**

 _"It sucks being the footnote in someone else's love story."_

"look everything that happened was her fault."

"If she would have just left my brother Dan alone."

"Then none of this would have happened." Jenny says going on and on.

"Get her the hell out of here!" Chuck yelled.

Trying to help Nate up.

"She's lying." "None of you can believe her." Nate said not wanting to be comforted.

"I'm sorry Nate." Chuck said his voice trembling.

Nate felt each breath harder to take then the last.

Hearing his name being called.

Too tired to keep them open.

As he felt a warm hand on his shoulder.

His eyes opening slowly.

"Serena." Nate said as he began to catch his breath.

"Look at you." "Your terrified." "Nate relax."

"It's just us here." She said smiling putting her hand on his face.

"I finally put him back in his crib."

"I just couldn't stop looking at him."

"He is so perfect." Serena said wiping her eyes.

"He has your eyes and your hair." "I can't tell what he got from me yet."

"mom and dad." "That sounds just right doesn't it.?" She looking to him.

"You're here." "Your alive." Nate said taking her face in his hands.

Kissing her gently.

"I thought I lost you." He said his voice trembling.

"You didn't I'm right here." "It was a nightmare."

Serena said kissing him back.

"I love you." Nate said to her.

His heartbeat slowing.

"I love you too Nate." Serena said.

Nate wrapped his arms around her.

As she laid her head on his chest.

Counting his heartbeats as she fell asleep.


	57. Chapter 57

**Apart By More Than Words**

 **Chapter 57**

 _I'm coming home_

 _To breathe again_

 _To start again_

 _I'm coming home_

 _From all the places, I have been_

 _Nothing but a voice within_

 _Calls me home._

"Could you get him."

"I'm really tired."

"I think I made a mistake."

"Of trying to go against doctor's orders." Serena said looking at him.

"Of course I can." "It sounds just like you."

"Just getting out of the hospital from a near fatal car crash and yet."

"You're on the move as usual." Nate says turning to her.

"I just don't want to miss any more time with him."

"Or you." she said taking his hand.

"I get it but we almost lost you."

"I think your almost to strong or stubborn." Nate said bringing her closer to him.

"I'll take that as a compliment." Serena said smiling as she kissed him.

"If I'm going to useful at all tomorrow." "I've got to sleep." She said as she started to turn over. Kissing him softly as she closed her eyes.

Kissing her back. As he watched her sleep for a few minutes.

Getting up and leaving the room once he heard the cries from their son.

Taking careful steps as he closed the door behind him.

Following the glow of light that lead to his crib.

Taking a look over the crib.

Smiling as he saw his son.

Wrapped up safely in his blanket. Arms wiggling around.

His little face scrunched up as he yelled. Hair coming out of the hat on his head.

Picking him up gently as he cradled him in his arms.

Walking over to the rocking chair. Attempting to soothe him.

While he looked into the young boy's eyes. His heart warming.

When he put his finger in the baby's hand. As it wrapped around it.

Showcasing his strength already.

"I love you so much." Nate said as gently kissed his face.

The little boy's eyes awake and alert listening to his father's voice.

Smiling with recognition.

Tears of happiness fell from Nate's eyes.

Their son had her smile.

And that same curious, full of life look in his eyes.

He would not fail his wife or his son.

They were his reason for living and thriving.

The young boy starting to fall back asleep.

Nate carefully put him back in his crib.

Then walked back to their bedroom.

Climbing back into bed.

Falling asleep exhausted from his nightmare and the fear and emotional toll he had endured. His eyes closing quickly.

In the morning

He got out of bed feeling refreshed. As he turned over.

Noticing a platter and a note.

Surprised he sat down and read it.

 _To my wonderful husband_

 _I thought it was about time. You got some much needed pampering done._

 _Enjoy breakfast the little guy is at his grandma's. Meet me when your done._

 _Love S_

Smiling as he finished the note. Placing it down. Next to his plate.

Beginning to eat. And really curious as to what his wife had planned.

After awhile

Finished breakfast, showered and dressed. He heard a knock at the door and started walking out the bedroom.

Opening it quickly. As a smile and laugh came to his face.

"Follow me Mr. Archibald." Serena said smiling as she took his hand.

"Getting into the vehicle she had parked.

"I have no idea what you're doing." Nate said looking at her.

"That is just how I like it." Serena said smiling.

Leaning over and kissing him.

While Nate looked around noticing he had no view of the outside.

Hours later

The car stopping. Serena taking his hand as they started to walk out.

"What are we doing out here.?" Nate asked her.

"Today I want to celebrate you." Serena said taking his hand.

As they started to walk and Serena began to speak again.

…


	58. Chapter 58

**Apart By More Than Words**

 **Chapter 58**

 _I've known it from the moment that we met._

 _No doubt in my mind where you belong._

 _There's nothing that I wouldn't do_

 _To make you feel_

 _My love._

As Serena spoke she lite up with excitement.

Nate simply enjoyed just hearing her talk.

He knew they had reached where she wanted them to.

Because she gripped his hand tighter. And paused.

The space between them suddenly silent.

While he looked up. Taking notice of what was in front of him.

Then turning to Serena. While he attempted to speak.

But couldn't remove his eyes from the view in front of him.

The dark sky full of stars. So, close he felt like he could touch it.

"I found this place."

"When I was away traveling."

"The instant I witnessed this site for myself."

"I realized that life gave you a chance at a clean slate."

"Every day you woke up."

"There I was freshly diagnosed and I felt more connected to myself."

"And welcomed to the idea of a life beyond this one."

"Where the lessons and growth would only continue."

Serena said looking at Nate with tears in her eyes.

"I want you to let go of all of the worry and stress and uncertainty."

She said looking into his eyes.

"I am fine."

"This life has been better to me."

"Than I ever deserved."

"And Between loving you and becoming a mom to Holden."

"Has given me all the love and support and strength."

"To live out my days with as much hope, Happiness, and light, as I could."

"Which is why I need you to leave."

"Everything that has kept you up at night."

"Caused your heart to break."

"And want to not enjoy or experience or imagine a future."

"Here in the endlessness of this tomorrow."

"I don't want you riddled with guilt."

"If you let yourself be happy and possibly find love again."

"I would wish that for you and him."

"The woman who finds herself in the awaiting arms and open heart of you."

"Is more fortunate than she will ever realize."

"I would know." Serena said wiping her eyes.

"I didn't how to react at first."

"Which is why I pushed you away and ran."

"I wasn't used to a guy caring enough to want me around long enough to create anything of substance."

"When I finally stopped fighting it." "And just let you love me."

"I knew in that moment." "I would never be the same."

"I just want to thank you."

"For being my happy ending." Serena said looking into his eyes.

As she leaned over. Kissing him.

While he wiped his eyes. And wrapped her in his arms.

As they laid in the grass holding onto each other.

Watching the sky and loving each other.

….


	59. Chapter 59

**Apart By More Than Words**

 **Chapter 59**

 _She's bored in a week_

 _Big dreams but nothing material_

 _I refuse to believe that love is for the weak._

 _I said I'm not vulnerable._

 _Hey lady don't give up on me._

 _Flashback_

 _When she pushed the gas pedal. She was so determined to get out the current location._

 _That she was distracted and ran the car into oncoming traffic but instead of hitting a car she hit head on a part of the parkway. Sending herself flying through the windshield and into the freezing water._

 _Meanwhile thankfully other passengers in surrounding cars saw me and ran to help._

 _Someone called 911 and I asked for the phone and called Nate telling him what had happened and where to meet me._

 _Then I had a mask put over my face. As my eyes started to close. The sound of the ambulance and shine of the lights from the cars. Fading from my view._

 _When my eyes opened again. I was wide awake and was looking around._

 _When I heard a voice that made my heart swell._

" _Mommy!" The voice said. As tears fell from my eyes. My head turning around._

 _Arms open as she ran into my arms._

 _My daughter smiled brightly. Holding on to me with as much strength and love._

 _As I remembered._

" _It's okay momma." "It was an accident." "I love you."_

 _She said looking into my eyes._

 _Relief washing over me._

 _As I found the strength to speak._

" _I love you to."_

" _But you've got to go."_

" _Me and daddy will be waiting for you."_

 _She said as she kissed my face._

 _And let go of my hand._

 _In the distance, I saw Dan. Smiling at her. As they joined hands._

 _Walking off into a bright light._

 _My own hand was taken as I opened my eyes._

 _Seeing Nate by my side._

 _Tears in his eyes._

 _While he said my name._

 _Kissing my gently._

 _Telling me how much I was loved and missed._

 _And how our little boy was waiting to meet his mom._

 _A smile coming across his face._

 _There in that moment my life began._

5 years later

Today was one of our happiest days.

It was Holden's birthday.

And it seemed it was last night that I was holding him in my arms.

Now he was a happy, energetic, full of life, adventurous, young boy.

Who brought a presence and warmth to anyone he interacted with.

He was wise and always asking questions.

He looked like me with our matching eyes and hair.

But Serena was in him as well.

With their identical smiles, laughs, and big hearts.

Serena has declined in health.

She is now in a wheelchair.

And has a tougher time speaking but is still as present and involved as possible.

Mother and son are so close.

He doesn't know the ins and outs of his mother's sickness.

But he knows that she isn't well and that is she won't be a able to do certain things. As time goes on.

He is always ready and willing to help. And is so full of hope and honesty.

I don't know how either of would make it through any of this without him.

Jenny was laid to rest right next to her brother.

Which is exactly what she would want.

I think of their father and my heart shatters.

Knowing such a good man had to experience such pain twice.

Last I heard he sold his house and left New York.

Not telling anyone where he was headed.

Chuck and Blair got another chance at parenthood.

Adopting this beautiful 4-year-old girl. Named Annalise.

Her and Holden are the best of friends.

When the kids are being watched by family or the babysitter.

The adults have their time together.

Enjoying moments of friendship, laughter and memories.

I am still breathlessly, completely in love with Serena.

And I know that I always will be.

When we met so many years ago.

Those lost, searching, teenagers from the upper east side.

I had no idea the impact meeting this girl would have on my life.

Smiling as I watch her sleep beside.

I realize it was beyond our control and maybe fate.

This is where my home is and could let the rest of the world.

Fall away. As long as I had these two and the people I loved.

My wants and needs were fulfilled.

I was living my dream.

"You are such a good guy Nate Archibald."

"I love you." Serena said softly. Her eyes now open.

As she turned looking into Nate's eyes.

"I love you too Serena."

"You are my life, love, and inspiration." Nate says to her.

As he leaned over gently kissing.

Taking her into his arms.

His eyes beginning to close.

The image of her smiling face the last thing he sees.

…

 **Author's note: Let me know what you think of the chapter?**

 **Anything else you would like to see in the story?**

 **This story is reaching its end.**

 **The next chapter will be the last one.**

 **I appreciate every single review and positive comment and suggestion.**

 **I never thought this story would amount to what it has become.**

 **And that is all because of you my readers.**

 **Thank you for helping me give these characters a voice and this disease some recognition.**

 **See you next Chapter :}**


	60. Chapter 60

**Apart By More Than Words**

 **Chapter 60**

 _-If you could go back and change just one thing about your life, would you? and if you did, would that change make your life better? Or would that change ultimately break your heart? or break the heart of another? would you choose an entirely different path? or would you change just one thing? just one moment. one moment that you always wanted back.._

Years Later

"Dad come on I want to see it!" Holden said excitedly.

Looking back at his father. Who was taking his time to catch up with his son.

"I'll be right there Holden just taking it all in." Sighing as he answered.

"I haven't been here in a long time." Nate said.

As he went to stand next to the young man who was now 13.

But full of wisdom and strength and insight that made him the proud father he was.

"The drive it took to get here will be worth it." Nate said smiling at him.

"Mom told me that you and her took a trip here."

"And that it was really special to the both of you."

"She said I would never feel more connected to the earth and the sky."

"Than being here right now." "It was as close to seeing another world as we could get." Holden said smiling at his dad.

"She's right always able to make things okay even when they are far from it."

"This skyline the view it shows you how powerful and beautiful."

"The earth can be." Nate said. looking up at the sky.

"We're camping out here for the weekend." Nate said smiling.

"Yes!" Holden said with a happy smile on his face.

"Then I can see the stars and make my wishes." Holden said looking up.

"We're going to talk, eat, and immerse ourselves in nature."

"Then at the end." "We head back home." Nate said to him.

As he looked around. Trying to double check they had everything.

"You know our rules." "We unplug while we're here." Nate said as he held out his hand.

Holden handing over his iPod and cell phone.

"How about you start setting up the tent and I will make sure we have enough food and firewood to last us." "And remember no leaving food out."

"We want to get back to New York in one piece." Nate said smiling at him.

Remembering their one and only bear occurrence.

Holden began putting together the tent.

While Nate went through his supplies and put the firewood in a pile at a safe distance away.

Once done with their tasks the father and son. Sat down and started to talk.

Sitting up in the chairs Nate had brought with them.

After untying them from his car.

"And don't worry you and Annalise will get your own time together."

"I know between her family vacationing and us coming here."

"The two of haven't gotten the chance to see each other much."

"But aunt Blair, uncle Chuck and I."

"Don't want anything to ruin the friendship the two of you have."

"Thanks dad and tell them thank you for me."

"We have both been dealing with our own lives."

"And plus I kind of have been pulling away from her."

He said looking way.

"Why is that Son.?" "You know you can tell me anything." Nate said.

Putting his hand on his son's shoulder.

"The last time we hung out." "She told me she liked me."

"Like more than best friends."

"And then she kissed me." "Then I left and before that I told her."

"I didn't want to be friends anymore." Holden said looking back at his dad.

"But that isn't true I don't want to stop being friends and I like her to."

"And that scares me her caring so much."

"And I just don't want to hurt her or get hurt." Holden said looking to his father.

"Well son caring about people in any compacity is a risk your putting your heart out there."

"But it's worth it a lot more of the time then it's not."

"You have to decide to listen to your head or follow your heart."

"You have a smart head on your shoulders."

"And that heart of yours is strong and pure and full of love to give."

"Trust yourself and the person you are."

"Thanks dad." Holden said taking a breath.

"What was with that look you gave me before.?" He asked curious.

"The part about not wanting to hurt her or get hurt." Nate paused as he answered.

"That is almost word for word." "What your mom told me."

"Many years ago." Nate said to him.

"I'm sorry." Holden said putting his hand on his dad's.

"Don't apologize you know I have an open-door policy."

"Ask me anything you want about your mom."

"I'll answer it the best way I can." Nate said looking up at him.

"The present she gave me on my 5th birthday I look at every day."

"She wrote me all those letters."

"And told to read them in any order I liked."

"Each one would leave me with some story or advice or answer that I didn't have."

"I red them every day and watching her latest video for me."

"Makes me feel like we're so much alike and I feel grateful for everything she left me."

"But it doesn't make me miss her less it just reminds me that I had the best mom in the world." "And I don't have to remember her sick I can relive all of our happy moments together and know that maybe she's still around us."

"We just can't tell." "I can feel her love for me though."

"With every letter and video and memory you tell me."

Holden said tearing up.

"You feel your feelings I always be here to help you through it and hopefully improve it in some way." Nate said taking a breath.

"Your mom loved you so much." "When you were a baby she called you little one." "She wanted to be the mother she wished she had." "And never wanted you to feel unwanted and left behind or un included."

"You were her second chance." "And I know that she is so proud of you."

"And would just want to spend every second with you and the three of us together as a family."

"She hears us and is around I feel it and sense it." Nate said.

As took control over his emotions.

"Look at that sky get ready to make your wishes." Nate said.

While they got up and walked over Staring up at the dark sky.

Covered with stars.

Closing their eyes as the both made wishes.

Hope filling their broken pieces.

Once a shooting star. Quickly flew through the sky.

"See what did I tell you mom's here she's all around us."

"You just have to listen." Nate said to him.

Once they finished up outside between the cooking and stories.

Both father and son headed off to bed.

Exchanging a hug and hug and I love you.

Before zipping up their separate tents for night.

Taking a breath. As he looked at her picture.

His heart aching with mourning.

She died 3 birthdays after his 5th. He was 8.

I expected it to happen. But I was hopeful.

Naïve or just maybe thinking that she would find a way to keep going.

Then I realized That was exactly what she had been doing.

Continuing to live and love us and laugh.

Taking pictures, creating memories for me and him and our loved ones.

I was given a rare gift.

Which was true love and as I look back on my life.

Especially today it being our anniversary.

Taking a glance at my wedding ring.

Tears welling up in my eyes.

"I miss you S." "Our boy is amazing." I said taking a breath.

That aside from our love.

And all the moments leading up to our last.

That was her smiling at me

"I love you so much." She said the night before.

Staring into my eyes.

As if she wanted to be the one to close the book on our story first.

In the morning, she was gone.

I'm convinced someday that I'll wake up and I'll see her there.

But I know that isn't possible.

So instead I fill my days.

With my son and my friends and my mom.

Leaving my job and putting money that wasn't tucked in savings

into this new creation.

A foundation run by Chuck and I.

Called Serena Said.

It is a nonprofit origination

That's purpose is to help other families dealing with ASL and using as many resources we can find to eventually one day find a cure.

When I'm not doing that.

I take comfort in looking at the video she made for me.

Telling me

In her own way

To wipe my tears

Get up

Take a breath

And

Live.

"You are a good guy Nate Archibald."

"My life has meant so much more because I had you to share it with.

"Don't be shy now."

"There is a whole world out there."

"Show them what it took me so long to realize."

"You are a force and have so much to give."

"And experience."

"Don't stop now.

"I love you."

"Know that I live on through him."

"And that it's okay to happy."

"That smile of yours is too good to be kept hidden."

Serena smiles at the camera and laughs. Waving goodbye.

While the camera fades out.

 **The End.**

 **Author's Note: Hope you enjoyed this last chapter. Let me know your thoughts on everything. Nate, Holden, Serena's influence and last video for Nate? Tell me what you see happening next for everyone in this story? I am completely open to doing more Serena and Nate stories in the future. Leave it in the reviews.**

 **Let me know if you would like to see a sequel of Nate, Holden, and everyone else.**

 **Thank you so much.**

 **Goodbye.**

 **:]**


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